Has it really been a whole month with no new posts? Wow, I hadn't realized.
You know, I swing by here every other day or so to see if there's any new topics. And with all the quiet we've been having, I'd begun to suspect that Shadow Demon just wasn't getting the attention it so greatly deserves.
But then logic interceded. Great bands attract numerous worshipful fans with unhinged minds and scary MySpace pages. And Shadow Demon, according to all known laws of physics and temporal mechanics, is indeed a great band. Therefor it must have numerous worshipful fans, and for some unknown reason, few of their posts are showing up on the forums.
That's when a single name thrust darkly into my mind.
Bette Midler... yes, you heard me correctly. The so-called "Divine Miss M."
Some experts claim that she's spending her golden years as a headliner at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. But is this indeed true, or just... propaganda!
People who are truly "In The Know" are aware that Bette Midler made her first attempt at a form of world-wide, demoralizing mass hypnosis with the release of her 1989 smash-hit single "The Wind Beneath My Wings." To this very day, few men can hear this song playing on the radio without experiencing the sudden urge to club themselves senseless with any nearby implement. Coincidence? I think not.
It is my highly educated opinion that the figure seen performing at Caesar's Palace is in fact a frighteningly advanced animatronic dummy with a loud speaker lodged in it's throat. And that the real Bette Midler spends her time crouched menacingly before a computer screen, trolling the forums of promising young bands in the metal scene, and deleting the posts of their fans with the use of hyper-advanced deletion technology that only her exorbitant fortune could afford.
Her purpose? The total annihilation of all things kick-ass. Sinister, indeed. For it is only in the total absence of good music, that the mangled, syrup-ridden ballads she belches forth can possibly be viewed as acceptable entertainment. Yes, my friends. She seeks to figuratively flatten the world, so that the meager stature of her talent seems tall when compared.
Indeed, it is only by the sheer intensity and metal-headed devotion that posts by individuals like myself and tbhride manage to get past her insidious web of topic deletion protocals.
We... must... persevere! The very metal-ness of the world depends on it!