30 sealed albums, 30 stupid days.

[NAD]

So I was going through the music collection tonight, wondering how many god damn albums I have that I've never listened to or even broken out of their respective cellophane packaging. Turns out that number is 30. Oh sure, some I just bought a few weeks ago, but some... well some date back quite a spell.

So I'm going to do a little writing project. This isn't about music reviews, since I'm really not into that sort of thing any longer, and hell, I might not even listen to everything here. But I will discuss why I have it, what the point of it might be, and then blather incoherently as per usual. For the shits. For the giggles.

This will likely end up being yet another one of my endeavoUrs that never gets completed, but hey, it will give me a chance to drink whisky more often, because I never write unless my ol' pal single malt is along for the ride. Just as he joins me for this initial I-might-start-this-tomorrow introduction right here, so it goes.

 

[Ellestin]

Can't wait for that Hobgoblin speech

 

[NAD]

The Body Lovers / The Body Haters

This is some Swans related thing. It's fucking weird and I don't even like it. So why did I buy it? Because it sounded fucking weird and I thought I might like it. Whoops. There was a time when I'd seek out anything strange just for the fuck of it, for some years there something DIFFERENT was automatically GOOD to me, if anything just for the conversational aspect of it all. I nearly lost friends over insisting they hear a Khanate album one night. Well not really, but minor physical harm was perhaps in my imminent future. And I love playing Gruntsplatter for people that, by some strange chance, might enjoy it. Found one person who dug it, he and I made some beautiful music together. As my wife might say: "homos!" and perhaps she was partially correct.

Speaking of her, as soon as I put this album on, she started to cringe, and she too is a diehard Swans fan like myself. In fact the only thing we'll fight over during the inevitable divorce proceedings will be our mutual Swans collection. I told her the day she knows that I'm cheating on her is the day she can no longer locate our copy of White Light From the Mouth of Infinity. And really, I will put that shit under lock and key when the girls at the health food store finally tempt me to whip it out and commit infidelity. I am not a handsome man, nor do I offer much to any passing females. I don't attract the opposite sex easily, yet, whenever I am at some sort of dirty hippie type establishment, many an attractive feminine form place multiple glances and offers my way. Only when I visit Indian Reservations or any other land where real women join hands and sing the 2000s version of Kum-Ba-Fucking-Ya (whatever it may be, hopefully not Dave Matthews), like at the vegan-friendly food establishment I frequent with green-haired lasses who grant me that come hither stare only seen in bad television that I'd normally scoff upon.

Where was I? Ah yes, this album. Michael Gira signed my copy. I think I purchased it from Young God and paid $5 extra for that, but I don't really remember. The liner notes feature drawings of a sheep, noose, cock n' balls, and some sort of bird feet. Right now it's an accordion accompanied by sobbing and nothing more. Some real Po-Mo stuff here, as it were. I've never been cool enough to be weird, at the same time also not weird enough to be cool. I think that's reserved for rock stars or the Facebook Bourgeoisie. I could never pass for that, longhair'd or otherwise, always stuck somewhere in between. Imagine late '60s era McCartney but minus the fame and talent. Scratch that. Imagine late '60s era McCartney but minus the fame and talent, and I'm the guy who walks by that guy when someone else is taking his picture to put in a photo album that 4 people see. I'm blurry even, you can't even tell if that's a beard or a thumbprint. Maybe both, it really matters not because I was a forgotten afterthought almost 50 years gone at this point. Not to sound completely depressing and woe-is-me, I just understand my station in life is all.

And I'm oddly comfortable here, for the most part. Why wouldn't I be? Life is terribly easy in most ways, impossibly difficult in the lesser known forms. Well, speaking for myself anyhow. Just being honest really. And now that I'm substantially through listening to this lengthy double album, I take back all my harsh criticism. Turns out to be some pretty fantastic shit. But it's fucking weird, and long ago chased m'lady out of the room. Maybe she doesn't like me either, much like all the other women. I had better hide the Swans collection.

 

[Ellestin]

things usually turn a bit confusing when different becomes the norm. I've always been slightly underwhelmed by Gira's side stuff, except maybe one The Angels of Light album, the one with the cartoon doggy on the cover. Every other album I've checked out felt like an insult to what it could/should have become given better focus.

Oh, your stuff is blog-worthy btw, or fanzine worthy if you're planning on losing money.

 

[einride]

lol at the one that has "SWANS RELATED PROJECT: M. GIRA" written on it

 

[dorian gray]

 

[General Zod]

Nice start. Looking forward to 30 Days of NAD.

 

[dorian gray]

I give him three days and then he disappears for a year and a half

 

[NAD]

things usually turn a bit confusing when different becomes the norm. I've always been slightly underwhelmed by Gira's side stuff, except maybe one The Angels of Light album, the one with the cartoon doggy on the cover. Every other album I've checked out felt like an insult to what it could/should have become given better focus.

Oh, your stuff is blog-worthy btw, or fanzine worthy if you're planning on losing money.

The Body Lovers disc is really good if you can make it beyond the first few tracks. The Body Haters disc made me want to kill myself, not in the gay way. I do like some Angels of Light stuff, but not the same way I love Swans.

Oh and hey thanks! I did a lengthy writing project last year but it's really fucking weird even by my standards, so I'm afeard to share it with anyone. I think this musical adventure will be less intimidating for myself.

lol at the one that has "SWANS RELATED PROJECT: M. GIRA" written on it

Oddly enough, I never thought Gira was full of himself... until that showed up in the mail, haha.

Nice start. Looking forward to 30 Days of NAD.

Thanks! Hopefully it'll be just like 30 Days of Night, only much less entertaining. And without vampires, blood, or anything else deemed interesting. Actually I hated that comic, so I'm okay with this being different.

 

[NAD]

At the Gates - Gardens of Grief
Grotesque - In the Embrace of Evil

I got into At the Gates when Slaughter of the Soul came out (1995? 1996? I dunno) and I read some magazine review that was akin to ZOMG AMAZING although I don't think anyone said OMG or even WTF back then. I don't really remember, it was the early days of the internet and I think the most I knew about it was some AOL chatroom, barely downloadable pornography, and the old Roadrunner music forum. My username was slayer on there and I mostly talked about Pantera. Actually that might have been a few years later, I don't quite recall (outside of my self-inflicted Pantera-love, I remember talking about how much better a guitarist Dimebag was compared to Kerry King and the argument I received in return was "but your name is slayer!").

What I do remember is that I "liked" Slaughter of the Soul, but couldn't figure out why everyone was pooping themselves over it, especially since I'd rarely make it to the end of the album before putting something else on. At the time I wasn't into early death/black/whatever, I would hear the old Entombed, Carcass, At the Gates, etc. but always preferred the more melodic/accessible crap that came later from those bands. Of course these days it's the opposite, I go back and listen to Heartwork now and think "...why?" but Necroticism makes me shit myself with delight, although not quite enough to attack my own defecation with screwdrivers or forks (you fuckers are hardcore, jebus h. balls!). Either way, flash forward many years and fuck all that happy sounding shit, give me the UGLY n' NASTY things that fools like myself ignored when they were actually occurring. The train was at the station, yet I took the city bus instead, what the fuck is wrong with me?

This morning was the first time I'd heard Gardens of Grief. It is, as I suspected, pretty god damn great. So great that I'm sorry I didn't know about this material when I saw them live in 1996, which was quite possibly the greatest show I've ever seen. They opened for Morbid Angel, and Dissection were also there. Of course back then I had no fucking clue who Dissection were, and honestly didn't find out their name until a few years later when I read about this particular tour in a magazine. I of course quickly picked up everything I could by them, since they blew my butthole out more than Morbid Angel and At the Gates combined (and yes, they were both great, but Dissection... fuck me). I watched some dude get his face clawed out in a 20+ person fight too, fucking metal.

Grotesque is now on. Yep, would've hated this as a kid. Loving it now, and I'm sure my neighboUrs that just returned from a lengthy vacation are appreciating the subtle majesty of OGSweDM at 8am on a Thursday morn. Hey maybe in 15 years they'll look back with fond memories of those weirdos living next door who spend most of their time listening to loud music and screaming/fucking.

Oh well, what do they know, I think they are first year med students, something I definitely was not at age 19 but even so, I was likely just as culturally unrefined as the saying goes. So I guess the lesson learned is that teenagers are fucking idiots. I hope I've learned something since then beyond Old Death Metal = Good Fucking Music, but odds are I remain just as idiotic in every other possible way. Oh well.

 

[NAD]

I give him three days and then he disappears for a year and a half

You're always right.

 

[dorian gray]

lol @ "screaming/fucking"

 

[refraction]

This is gold.

 

[thebaron]

Wow, keep these coming

 

[Krilons Resa]

LMAO

 

[NAD]

Iron Maiden - Piece of Mind

Hello, my name is Adrian Smith, and I'm a lifelong metalhead who never really got into Iron Maiden. You believe that shit? Well it's true. I've been listening to Led Zeppelin since I was 3 years old, when I was 6 the first cassette tape I ever purchased was Twisted Sister, and then I grew up on Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, and Black Sabbath. Those were my roots, yet Iron Maiden passed me by, which was of my own choice. Oh sure, I finally bought a greatest hits album in the late '90s just because I felt like I was supposed to have something by them, but that small collection was far more than enough for me. I didn't even really consider them A Big Thing until I stumbled upon Royal Carnage, right about the time when they/we/us were running a massive Iron Maiden feature, since everyone on staff (sans myself) loooooooooooved Iron Maiden.

After all that went down I bought Seventh Son of a Seventh Son. I think I found it for dirt cheap via Columbia House and figured what the hell. That actually made me like them even less, I never really told anyone but I, quite literally, laughed out loud by the end of my first spin of that album. Horrible! So yes, I suppose this makes me some sort of turncoat to the metal community, especially given my namesake. But hey, it's true. There was a point when I finally Saw Some Light when I was forced to listen to Powerslave, and Losfer Words made me realize that maybe, just maybe, I was false regarding my distaste toward the Beast. But even then, it still didn't smack me in the face. Would it ever? I doubt it, and there are 10,000 other bands that require my attention anyhow, so fuckit.

Then one fateful day in 2010, without asking, expecting, hoping, or even considering anything related to Iron Maiden, I was bumbling around work, haphazardly waltzing into the building next door, and then by absolute fortune heard some Truly Heavy Fucking Metal. I enjoyed whatever it was for a spell, and eventually, casually, asked that noble disc jockey to name me whom exactly we were enjoying so perfectly. The response was slight confusion which quickly grew to utter horror as he realized my query was of a serious nature. Clearly, the answer was "dude... it's fucking Iron Maiden." What?! B-b-but... but this is awesome! What the hell have I been missing all these years? That album changing my existence and raising my inner horns was Piece of Mind.

How wrong I was all along! What else have I been missing out on all this time? How many broken dreams did I never allow to flourish because I simply checked out the wrong material by these noble soldiers of heavy metal? What other misconceptions in my thirtysomething years have I gotten so god damn wrong this whole time? What of my life, my love, my will, my way?! Oh who the hell cares, up the fucking irons!

 

[refraction]

Glad this tale has a happy end.

 

[Ellestin]

The Maiden magic still eludes me tbh. I've sat several times through their discography in the hopes of figuring out what makes them such a definitive band apart from the historical relevance. Still have to crack that shell open. For now, whenever I'm in the mood for that kind of stuff, which is half a day per annum, I'd rather listen to power/fantasy metal or good ole Running Wild.

 

[General Zod]

How wrong I was all along! What else have I been missing out on all this time? How many broken dreams did I never allow to flourish because I simply checked out the wrong material by these noble soldiers of heavy metal? What other misconceptions in my thirtysomething years have I gotten so god damn wrong this whole time? What of my life, my love, my will, my way?! Oh who the hell cares, up the fucking irons!

LMFAO

 

[Hell Mike]

Grotesque - In the Embrace of Evil

This is probably the best album in that pile of stuff.

For now, whenever I'm in the mood for that kind of stuff, which is half a day per annum, I'd rather listen to power/fantasy metal or good ole Running Wild.

Not the same kind of stuff. I hope, for your own sake, that you get it sooner rather than later because a few of them might die any day and then if you get it too late you'll never get to see them or at least your favourite songs live. Iron Maiden live sure is something.

When you have a free weekend, start at the begninning and listen to it all twice or something.