Well, I'm not sure how first first really is, but a few things jumped out at me immediately. For one thing, holy subsonics, batman! Slap a HP on that thing, quick! Secondly, you pushed it out way too hot without a proper limiter and without taming the transients (or the subsonics/bass), so there's more than a smattering of clippage. Anyhow, I highpass/lowpassed it, clipped the transients, pushed it through a multiband to tame some of your crazy one-note-bass, roughly downward expanded the quiet breakdowny section so your left channel's guitar fizz wasn't so horrible, clipped the transients popping out a bit more and finally pushed it into a limiter. I even edited a few bits of string noise during the chord stab part as they were pretty ugly as-is.
Anyhow, I'm certainly not suggesting that this is at all "fixed", but I'm betting you'll be able to hear the improvement if you do an A/B test, though if you think the original sounds *great* in your listening environment, I suggest you take a close look at your monitoring room setup. Other than all these things, I think there's a lot of merit in your tone and the drum work. I think the bass would sound great if it didn't have a subsonic muffler attached.
CWOR Touchup
