Alternative carols

[Tyra]

Bah humbug!!!! I am so sick of the sanctimonious Christmas carols that all these nice wannabe-christians are playing loudly in the stores since Halloween that I have decided, since this forum is currently stale anyhow, that I need your help to re-write the lyrics. I will start by posting my own version of "Come all ye faithful". It's not very kick-ass, but for what it's worth, here it goes.....

Oh, come all ye faithful
joyful and triumphant!
Oh come ye, oh come ye to Valhalla.
Come and behold them
Born the kings of headbashing!
Oh, come let us adore them!
Oh, come let us adore them!
Oh, come let us adore them,
the Einherjar!

Sing choirs of Valkyries
Sing in exaltation!
Oh, sing all ye rivals
of Asgarth!
Glory to Odin, Glory to the High One!
Oh, come let us adore them!
Oh, come let us adore them!
Oh, come let us adore them,
The Einherjar!

 

[TheLastWithPaganBlood]

I dont even know the first version. by the way, I think stilla natt has already been taken one step forth in the rewriting process by ebba grön.

 

[Celtik Militia]

LOOOOL thats a nice idea! let me try it out :

-on the first day of solstice
my loyal guests sent to me
a short axe and an oak tree.
-on the second day of solstice
my loyal guests sent to me
a chainmail tunik,
and a short axe and an oak tree.
-on the third day of solstice
my loyal guests sent to me
two traditional solstice candals,
a chainmail tunik,
and a short axe and an oak tree.
-on the forth day of solstice
my loyal guests sent to me
a golden ring,
two traditional solstice candals,
a chainmail tunik,
and a short axe and an oak tree...

okay i know its pretty lame and short but i wasnt gonna spend a half hour on this and i kinda forgot the original song so the rimes and tempo probably dont match, but i tried to respect a little (with the tree and candle stuff.. i know they're in the original song)

 

[Tyra]

OK, but I haven't been in Svedala for years, so what's the name of Ebba's version of Silent night, then? I wanna look that up on the net... And any version of "However many days of Christmas" has got to be better than the original, so I am sticking with the one penned above from now on.... here's "Oh Tannenbaum" (Oh Christmastree):
Oh, tender bum
Oh, tender bum
My husband has a new toy.
Oh, tender bum
Oh, tender bum
It brings us lots of Christmas joy.
The leather and the metal chains
keep us real' busy when it rains,
but, tender bum
oh, tender bum
this whip is really wicked!

 

[Pertinax]

LMFAO!! These are great.....

I came up with a basic variant of Silent Night

Frozen night.... Nordic night....
All is dead... all is blight......
Round yon pagans brother and clansmen...
Unholy weapons so ferocious and wild...
Make their enemies sleep in un-heavenly PeeeACCEEEE.....
Sssleeeeeepp in un-heavenlyyyyy peeaceeeeeee.....

 

[TheLastWithPaganBlood]

I was mistaken with the ebba grön song, its actually Nu tändas tusen juleljus. I was thinking of the swdish title of Freddy's Dead - The Final Nightmare, which is stilla natt, blodiga natt. Here are the lyrics from ebba gröns above mentioned song

Nu slocknar tusen människoliv
på jordens mörka rund,
och tusen tårar trillar ner
på himlens djupblå grund.

Du stjärna över stockholmshem
och låt ditt kalla ljus
få lysa över dom som ej
har någonstans att bo.

I varje hjärta armt och mörkt
blir ensamheten störst
när överflödet väller ut
i signad juletid.

Och över stad och land ikväll
ett stilla stålblått sken
lyser upp vårt vardagsrum
med Kalle, Piff och Puff.

 

[Valföðrskin]

This isn't Christmas or Yule related, but it's a mildy amusing Norse-ery Rhyme taken from Northvegr.org ( a waste of time for most but has good language resources.) .

Bifrost Bridge is Falling Down


Bifrost Bridge is falling down,
Falling down, falling down,
Bifrost Bridge is falling down,
My fair Friyja.

Build it up by trolls and dwarfs,
Trolls and dwarfs, trolls and dwarfs,
Build it up by trolls and dwarfs,
My fair Friyja.

Trolls and dwarfs will skulk away,
Skulk away, skulk away,
Trolls and dwarfs will skulk away,
My fair Friyja.

Build it up with runes and rhyme,
Runes and rhyme, runes and rhyme,
Build it up with runes and rhyme,
My fair Friyja.

Runes and rhyming will not stay,
Will not stay, will not stay,
Runes and rhyming will not stay,
My fair Friyja.

Build it up with jotun-steel,
Jotun-steel, jotun-steel,
Build it up with jotun-steel,
My fair Friyja.

Jotun-steel will bend and sway,
Bend and sway, bend and sway,
Jotun-steel will bend and sway,
My fair Friyja.

Build it up with fire and ice,
Fire and ice, fire and ice,
Build it up with fire and ice,
My fair Friyja.

Fire and ice will fight all day,
Fight all day, fight all day
Fire and ice will fight all day,
My fair Friyja.

Set Heimdall to watch all night,
Watch all night, watch all night,
Set Heimdall to watch all night,
My fair Friyja.

Suppose Heimdall should fall asleep,
Fall asleep, fall asleep,
Suppose Heimdall should fall asleep,
My fair Friyja.

Give him a lamp to light his way,
Light his way, light his way
Give him a lamp to light his way,
My fair Friyja.

Where is the oil to fill his lamp,
Fill his lamp, fill his lamp,
Where is the oil to fill his lamp,
My fair Friyja.

On the other side of Bifrost Bridge,
Bifrost Bridge, Bifrost Bridge
On the other side of Bifrost Bridge,
My fair Friyja.

BUT

(Take a deep breath, and all together now!)

Bifrost Bridge is falling down,
Falling down, falling down,
Bifrost Bridge is falling down,
My fair Friyja.

 

[Tyra]

Those are awesome! Especially Kalle, Piff och Puff. Maybe that's why Christmas sucks here...no Ferdinand to lukta på blommorna and no Johan to torment!

 

[$HaMbLeZz]

i got some xmas poem for the german guys:



Sagt, habt ihrs alle schon gehört?
Ich hab im Wald 'nen Troll getroffen,
Bin selber davon noch verstört,
Er lallte - war wohl sturzbesoffen:

Er hat in einer kleinen Kneipe,
den Weihnachtsmann dort angetroffen,
so grad als er nach Hause fuhr,
und mit ihm vierzehn Bier gesoffen!

Der gute Mann mit Rauschebart,
Der fängt urplötzlich an zu lachen,
Verkündet, dass in diesem Jahr
Santa will etwas anders machen!

Ist eh ein überholter Brauch
Das mit dem Glauben und dem Beten,
Das mit dem Schornsteinrutschen auch:
Die Wohnungstür wird eingetreten!

Und wenn sie schreien, wenn sie flennen,
Die Eltern und die kleinen Blagen,
Sehn Christbaumholz wie Kirchen brennen,
Die Weihnachtskrippe wird zerschlagen!

Die Gaben werden gleich verteilt
Von Axt und Schild zu Schwert und Speer,
Und Papa kriegt noch Karten für
Das nächste Wacken Open Air!

Wenn alle dann zufrieden grinsen,
Dann räumt er noch den Kühlschrank aus,
Er klaut der Oma die Prothese,
Und pisst ans Auto hinterm Haus.

Nachdem das letzte Glas geleert,
Berichtete der breite Troll,
Da machte er sich auf den Weg,
Denn Santa war sternhagelvoll.

Doch als dieser gen Schlitten wankte,
Da fiel ihm auf und auch so wars:
Dort hinter all den Weihnachtssäcken,
Da tönte laut Amon Amarth!

Und dann erkannte er ihn endlich,
Und kriegt jetzt bitte keinen Schreck:
Der Bart, der Bauch, das Horn, die Haare:
Der Weihnachtsmann ist Johan Hegg!

hehehe...got it from deadfall.org

EDIT:

yeah, now we know it for sure...johan is SANTA CLAUS, just imagine white hair and beard

 

[Thorshammer]

Had to save that pic

 

[Sleipnir]

This isn't Christmas or Yule related, but it's a mildy amusing Norse-ery Rhyme taken from Northvegr.org ( a waste of time for most but has good language resources.) .

Northvegr is anything BUT a waste of time, especially for those following the Heathen path...me... for those who arent it is still interesting and loaded with information.

 

[metal devi]

I used to make alternative carols as a child...

@Shamblezz: That pic of Johan is awesome!!

 

[Tyra]

I used to make alternative carols as a child...

Talk is cheap. Let's see 'em then!