- Dec 21, 2001
- 3,518
- 4
- 38
I was standing behind the Middle East, chatting up some kids I knew from Worcester. They were hunting for Agalloch, trying against all odds to get in to an 18+ gig at an average age of 15. Conversation stopped when a Uhaul pulled up. Most of these kids had not begun driver's training and I live just outside the middle of the woods. Yet, we all knew this parking in front of the rented RV plan was not going to work. The wheelman persisted, however; forcing the passenger to stick his head out the window at intervals to shout directions. Then, they got really close and the gent riding shotgun STOPPED LOOKING. It was then that the horror began.
I watched as the cruelly malformed vehicle of infinite malevolence backed up at an insidious rate of maybe 1 unholy mile per torturous hour, drawing ever nearer the innocent vehicle behind. My mouth flew open to warn the master of this hulking behemoth of un-good that he drew nigh upon the shire of Novembers Doom. Soon, a chorus of concerned citizens joined the outcry and my feet lifted from the pavement to make a final desperate dash to save my brothers in 'Doom from er . . . ah . . . DOOM. It was too late. Their home suffered a mighty blow! As metal raped and violated metal, a single tear rolled down my cheek. Those poor boys, innocently speaking of sex with canines mere moments before, were thrust from puppyhood into the realm of men by a sloth-ly orgy of slow-mo carnage!
I watched as the cruelly malformed vehicle of infinite malevolence backed up at an insidious rate of maybe 1 unholy mile per torturous hour, drawing ever nearer the innocent vehicle behind. My mouth flew open to warn the master of this hulking behemoth of un-good that he drew nigh upon the shire of Novembers Doom. Soon, a chorus of concerned citizens joined the outcry and my feet lifted from the pavement to make a final desperate dash to save my brothers in 'Doom from er . . . ah . . . DOOM. It was too late. Their home suffered a mighty blow! As metal raped and violated metal, a single tear rolled down my cheek. Those poor boys, innocently speaking of sex with canines mere moments before, were thrust from puppyhood into the realm of men by a sloth-ly orgy of slow-mo carnage!
