Atlanta, GA - a guide for beginners

[Rider of Theli]

I figured since some of you'd be visiting again soon - and some for the first time - I should offer you a travel brochure...

Atlanta, GA

This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta; has ever lived in Atlanta; has ever visited Atlanta; ever plans to visit Atlanta; knows anyone who currently lives in Atlanta; or knows anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta.

• The gates at Atlanta 's Hartsfield International Airport are about 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.
  
• Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turnaround and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.
  
• All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase "When you see the Waffle House". Except in Cobb County, where all directions begin with "Go to the Big Chicken."
  
• Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with:

• Peachtree Circle
  
• Peachtree Place
  
• Peachtree Lane
  
• Peachtree Road
  
• Peachtree Parkway
  
• Peachtree Run
  
• Peachtree Terrace
  
• Peachtree Avenue
  
• Peachtree Commons
  
• Peachtree Battle
  
• Peachtree Corners
  
• New Peachtree
  
• Old Peachtree
  
• West Peachtree
  
• Peachtree-Dunwoody
  
• Peachtree-Chamblee
  
• Peachtree Industrial Boulevard

• Atlantan's only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions, they will always send you down Peachtree.
  
• The 8 am rush hour is from 5:30 to 10:30 AM.
  
• The 5 pm rush hour is from 2:30 to 7:30 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2 am Saturday.
  
• Only a native can pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is "pawntz duh LEE-awn."
  
• And yes, they have a street named simply, "Boulevard."
  
• The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week. Overnight, all grocery stores will be sold out of milk,bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.
  
• I-285 - the perimeter interstate highway that encircles Atlanta - which has a posted speed limit of 55 mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over), is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."
  
• Don't believe the directional markers on highways: I-285 is marked "East" and "West" but you may be going North or South. The locals identify the direction by referring to the "Inner Loop" and the "Outer Loop."
  
• If you travel on Hwy 92 North out of Woodstock, GA, you will actually be going southeast. No lie.
  
• Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta. Just go to one of the interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road.
  
• The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a full clip.
  
• Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. Coke's all they drink there so don't ask for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola. Even if you want something other than a Coca-Cola, it's still called Coke.
  
• Iced Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and native Atlantan's start drinking it when they're 2 years old.
  
• Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
  
• There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia .
  
• There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia, plus a couple no one has ever seen before.
  
• If it grows, it sticks. If it crawls, it bites. If you notice a vine trying to wrap itself around your leg, you have about 20 seconds to escape, before you are completely captured and covered with Kudzu, another ill-advised "import" - like the carp, starling, English sparrow, and other ''exotic wonders".
  
• It's not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.
  
• "Fixinto" is one word ("I'm fixinto go to check out IA's guitar clinic").
  
• "JeetYet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Have you eaten [breakfast/lunch/dinner] yet?"
  
• "How's Momma-nem?" ...translation: "How is Mother and all of the other members of the family doing?".

If you understand these jokes, forward them to your friends from Atlanta, Georgia and those who just wish they were.

 

[kittybeast]

that's informative and yet entertaining!! I love the Jeetyet! Reminds me of my grandma Kelly a southern woman if there ever was one. The one thing I luv about eating in Atlanta is I never have to ask for sugar for my tea!!

 

[J-Man]

How true, How true. Remember the Atlanta Braves pitcher, in the 70's Pasquel Perez, he was called up from Richmond and made the mistake of driving to Atlanta, He was supposed to start the game that night. Game Time NO PASQUEL, Game over NO PASQUEL, Russ Nixon received a call from the Ga Highway Patrol, that they had one of his players at their station, IT WAS PASQUEL PEREZ, he had gotten lost on I-285 and had driven around Atlanta for about 10 hours. totally lost.
And that my friends is a true story.

 

[RiffDaemon]

Wonderful thread to start the day, especially the southern jokes since I had just gotten off the phone with my dad, the archetypical southern man

 

[freakchylde]

Though, seeing as how I'm a transplant Georgian from up North, if any of you do need directions let me know. So far, the only streets that confuse me, are Baker and Harris streets, and I just don't know which comes first as you're heading down Spring Street.

 

[Yippee38]

• "Fixinto" is one word ("I'm fixinto go to check out IA's guitar clinic").

Around here it's "fitna". "I'm fitna go to the store"

 

[yardleybates]

[*]Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with:
[/LIST]

• Peachtree Circle
  
• Peachtree Place
  
• Peachtree Lane
  
• Peachtree Road
  
• Peachtree Parkway
  
• Peachtree Run
  
• Peachtree Terrace
  
• Peachtree Avenue
  
• Peachtree Commons
  
• Peachtree Battle
  
• Peachtree Corners
  
• New Peachtree
  
• Old Peachtree
  
• West Peachtree
  
• Peachtree-Dunwoody
  
• Peachtree-Chamblee
  
• Peachtree Industrial Boulevard

Fabulous, Yippee and I always gripe when we are asking for directions and they say Peachtree and we say "but all the roads are peachtree" and they ALWAYS respond, no, there's only 1 peachtree!

 

[Dragongrrrl]

It's amusing how much of that can also be applied to the DC area. ESPECIALLY the bits about rush hour and highway directions (we also use "inner" and "outer" loop since it's one big friggin circle). The only thing worse about our roads is known as Diplomat. Worst drivers EVAR.

 

[Cheiron]

Grrr... DC. I got lost so many times trying to come back towards the city. The highways confused the hell out of me. Took me a while of looking at a map to finally figure out the best way to come back from the mall to my place.

As an intern I got so lost coming back from the Baltimore airport that it took me an extra hour and a half to get home... which meant a very late night and a very early morning the next day to work.

 

[freakchylde]

Heh, DC confused my GPS. Was kinda funny if it weren't for the fact it got me lost in Boston for an hour on the same day and I had a hot sniper to get home to.

 

[Dragongrrrl]

Heh, DC confused my GPS. Was kinda funny if it weren't for the fact it got me lost in Boston for an hour on the same day and I had a hot sniper to get home to.

Wow, it really must've been confused if you ended up in Boston

 

[freakchylde]

Wow, it really must've been confused if you ended up in Boston

LOL, oops, Baltimore. But I got lost there before I got to DC. Thanks for the reminder of me being a dumbass.

 

[Jurakan]

Not from Atlanta myself, but oh so true.

Some more pointers:

Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. Coke's all they drink there so don't ask for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola. Even if you want something other than a Coca-Cola, it's still called Coke.

Possibly the best soft drink on Earth, but the worst tour in the Universe. You pay almost $10 to see advertisement. The upside of the tour was getting to try the passion fruit Fanta. I seriously tried to drink ten bucks worth of it 'cause I had to make up for the money I paid for the crappy tour. I did, and had a stomach ache for about three hours.

[*]Only a native can pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is "pawntz duh LEE-awn."

Just FYI, for all of you wanting to polish your Spanish, it's Ponce de Leon:
PON as in PONder
CE as in SEveral
DE as in DEfinite
LE as in LEver
ON as in opposite of "off"

Now say it, PON-CE DE LE-ON. Good!

And I know the thread was started as a joke, but there is some stuff first timers ought to know:

Abdullah the Butcher's House of Ribs and Chinese Food was the only place me and my buddies were able to find working-class prices for an obscene amount of food. It's about a 10 to 15 minute drive from the Midtown Super 8. It's at 2387 Fairburn Road, Atlanta, GA 30331 (do a mapquest from where you are staying). It also doubles as a pro wrestling museum.

There is a Sbarro in the phone book, but don't bother looking for it. We have been trying to find it for three years now. My hometown of Yauco has a Sbarro that you can see from the highway. Have not found Atlanta's.

Do the Aquarium and the CNN tour if you haven't. They are nice.

 

[Yippee38]

Do the Aquarium and the CNN tour if you haven't. They are nice.

though the aquarium is expensive

 

[Magius]

You forgot Peachtree Center Ave.

 

[Jim LotFP]

Abdullah the Butcher's House of Ribs and Chinese Food was the only place me and my buddies were able to find working-class prices for an obscene amount of food. It's about a 10 to 15 minute drive from the Midtown Super 8. It's at 2387 Fairburn Road, Atlanta, GA 30331 (do a mapquest from where you are staying). It also doubles as a pro wrestling museum.

Does Abby still have photos of himself bleeding like a stuck pig in the frickin dining room?

 

[Pellaz]

You forgot Peachtree Center Ave.

Beat me to it! A road my tired feet felt all too often during Dragon*Con....but at least we had our own cop to stop traffic on it.

Though, seeing as how I'm a transplant Georgian from up North, if any of you do need directions let me know. So far, the only streets that confuse me, are Baker and Harris streets, and I just don't know which comes first as you're heading down Spring Street.

It doesn't matter. One of 'em's closed now anyway, next to the Marriott. (The north side of the structure is now being renovated. Yeah, it was such a joy during Dragon*Con.)

How true, How true. Remember the Atlanta Braves pitcher, in the 70's Pasquel Perez, he was called up from Richmond and made the mistake of driving to Atlanta, He was supposed to start the game that night. Game Time NO PASQUEL, Game over NO PASQUEL, Russ Nixon received a call from the Ga Highway Patrol, that they had one of his players at their station, IT WAS PASQUEL PEREZ, he had gotten lost on I-285 and had driven around Atlanta for about 10 hours. totally lost.
And that my friends is a true story.

Yep. He was referred to as "Perimeter Perez" for the remainder of his Atlanta career.

 

[Jurakan]

Does Abby still have photos of himself bleeding like a stuck pig in the frickin dining room?

Of course!!!

 

[J-Dubya 777]

As much of an old school wrestling fan that I am, I still haven't made it to Abby's, Gotta get there soon!

 

[Diamond45]

It's amusing how much of that can also be applied to the DC area. ESPECIALLY the bits about rush hour and highway directions (we also use "inner" and "outer" loop since it's one big friggin circle). The only thing worse about our roads is known as Diplomat. Worst drivers EVAR.

I thought DC traffic sucked, then I was out in San Diego a couple of weeks ago. The worst drivers I've ever seen. They tailgate you like crazy, and the motorcycles weave in and out of traffic all the time. The freeways are pretty nice, but the in-town city traffic sucked!