I've been subscribed to this wednesday and sunday e-mail newsletter for a few years now. it's great. you all ought to try it out by going to bizarrenews.com
here's the issue I just got today in its complete form:
BIZARRE NEWS - Wednesday, May 11, 2005
"Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
------------------------------------------------------------
Subscribe/unsubscribe links at the BOTTOM of the page.
------------------------------------------------------------
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
We're starting a new project with Bizarre News. It's the
Bizarre News web log, or blog. This is pretty much the same
thing as your Bizarre News email edition, but with the
Bizarre News Blog you can post your comments right online
(without me having to pick and choose them) and respond to
other readers' comments.
This will be good news for all of those readers who wrote
in with such vituperative comments about breast-feeding in
public, etc...
If you'd like to check out this issue on the blog just
click the following link...
<a href=" http://blogs.gophercentral.com/bizarre.html ">
Bizarre News Blog</a>
Bizarrely,
Lewis
____________________________________________________________
+----------------- Bizarre Police Reports -----------------+
In Detroit, Oregon, a hunter thought he had found a severed
human head in an abandoned mining shed and called the police.
Deputy Larry Taylor realized it was just the head of a manne-
quin when he noticed a price sticker on the forehead.
A California officer charged the driver of a white Mazda
with DUI after driving down Pacific Coast Highway with the
upper half of a traffic light pole laying across its hood.
When Fonteno asked the drunk driver about the pole, he respon-
ded: "It came with the car when I bought it."
The driver of an armored truck in Edmonton, Alberta appeared
to be signaling for help as he repeatedly swung his door open.
After six police cruisers chased and stopped the truck, it
turned out, the driver had simply tried to fan fresh air into
the cabin after the other guard had passed gas.
In Boynton, Florida, Michael Harrison and Kevin Carter were
arrested and charged with armed robbery and murder in their
attempt to raise money to attend the police academy.
Stockholm, Sweden - Customs officers in Stockholm, Sweden
arrested a woman who had tried to smuggle 75 live snakes
in her bra. The officers became suspicious when they noticed
how the woman kept scratching her chest.
***
----------------- What Will Jesus Do? ----------------------
CHARLESTON, W.Va. - Life is hard when you're Jesus Christ,
especially when it comes to getting a driver's license. It's
been a lengthy legal battle for the man born as Peter Robert
Phillips Jr. to prove his name really is Christ. "This all
started with him expressing his faith and his respect and
love for Jesus Christ," attorney A.P. Pishevar told The
Associated Press. "Now he needs to document it for legal
reasons." He falls short of West Virginia title and license
transfer requirements because his Florida birth certificate
has his original name on it and he hasn't been able to
obtain an official name change in Washington.
------------------------------------------------------------
"It was an exhilarating and exciting Las Vegas-like evening,
and I didn't have to leave my house."
Here's what they are saying about the Golden Riviera:
"I learned Texas Hold 'Em first playing for free online at
Golden Riviera. Then I played for money and won a tourney."
"I played for free, and then Golden Riviera gave me $50 to
start playing for real. I love it."
"Now I can play Texas Hold 'Em or Stud anytime I want."
"It was always hard getting a game together. Not anymore
because there's always a seat open at the Golden Riviera."
Play for money or for free. You are one click away from having
fun. Visit: http://rd.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=8467&ent=2878
<a href="http://rd.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=8467&ent=2878">
Golden Riviera</a>
------------------------------------------------------------
---------- Owners of Bird Cry Fowl Over Ticket -------------
RIDGECREST, Calif. - This sounds like the beginning of a bad
joke - a chicken in Kern County, Calif., crossing the road
was ticketed for its offense. The owners of the jaywalking
bird, Linc and Helena Moore, are upset over the ruling. They
believe the ticket was payback for their complaints that
deputies haven't done enough to control off-road joyriders
who come through town on their ATVs. A sheriff's sergeant
argues that chickens wandering onto the road are becoming an
issue in the small community. The Moores have pleaded
innocent on behalf of their wayward chicken.
-------------------- Santa He's Not ------------------------
WEBSTER CITY, Iowa - Javier Torrez found himself in a tight
spot. The 20-year-old wedged himself in a chimney while
attempting to break into a vacant house. A neighbor called
the authorities after hearing cries for help coming from the
home. Upon arrival, the police kicked in the front door and
followed Torrez's voice to the basement where his legs stuck
out from the chimney. Firefighters were able to free the
intruder and turned him over to police. Apparently, Torrez
made his way from the roof and then through the chimney
before his robbery was cut short. He now faces trespassing
charges, but the case is still under investigation.
When I am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple With a Red Hat...
Proclaim your passion for the Red Hat Society whenever and
wherever you go by wearing this sassy necklace. Flaunt it at
your next meeting it'll be sure to bring compliments and
every lady in the club will want one. Order now and it can
be yours for $5.99 when you visit:
http://rd.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=499&ent=2884
<a href="http://rd.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=499&ent=2884">
Red Hat Necklace</a>
----------------- Police Holed-up Suspect ------------------
SAN ANTONIO, TX - A man who was found sticking out of a
hole in the side of a building at the scene of a burglary
denied having involvement with the robbery. During the
investigation, San Antonio police said they discovered Ruben
Porter trying to squeeze out of the hole to avoid capture.
Although he denied any misconduct, police found several
tools from the nearby robbed store on him.
* Flag Day Is June 14th Show Your AMERICAN PRIDE *
3 x 5 ft flag for just $2.99
The American Flag embodies our American freedom. It is the
symbol of our national unity and tells of sacrifices that
brave men and women of this nation have made to fight for
our freedoms. Now is the time to fly our symbol of American
Pride in the "Land of the Free, Home of the Brave." This Flag
Day show your neighborhood that you are proud to live in this
great country. Wave your very own 3 x 5 ft. (standard size) flag
for just $2.99. (Limit 5 per order) Order Yours by visiting:
http://rd.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=499&ent=1846
<a href="http://rd.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=499&ent=1846">
Fly Your U.S. Flag</a>
Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
<a href=" http://www.gophercentral.com/book/bizarre.html ">
Bizarre Uncensored</a>
GopherCentral's Question of the Week
Do you think we need a balanced budget amendment
for the Federal Government?
Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:
http://rd.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=7541&ent=2501
<a href="http://rd.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=7541&ent=2501">
Question of the Week</a>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
All this talk about breast feeding has reminded me of
something. Breasts are like electric trains--they are
meant for children, but it's grown men who usually end
up playing with them.
Maybe you should take a poll of your women readers, because
as one I can tell you I do NOT concider breasts sex objects.
They're a major annoyance! They hurt like HE!! for a week
out of every month, and if you're built like me (natural D)
you have to put up with jacka$$es who think they're entitled
to cop a feel. Only men view breasts as sex objects. --Karen
[I took your advice, Karen, and conducted a poll of the
women in the office. All I asked was... "Do you consider
your breasts a sex object?" Without knowing how any of
the other women responded, two-to-one answered 'yes.' And
several of those 'yeses' were from mothers.]
you guys always make me laugh...or think about something...
bizzzzarre..and i ways pass things to my friends..just to
make their day..thanks...go-you! --Snow White
[I'm gone.]
Lewis, I didn't know that elephants had lips. --Jamie
[You learn something new every day.]
I can show you that "French kissing" should be Jewish
kissing, because it appears in the bible! Song of Solomon
4:11 Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb: honey
and milk are under thy tongue; and the smell of thy
garments is like the smell of Lebanon. How would he know
what it tastes like under her tongue unless his tongue was
under there? --Tom
[Maybe she was gargling.]
Hey Lewis, I fake phone sex on the cell phone...saves a lot
of money...and minutes.
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do? Send
comments and questions to: mailto:lewis@bizarrenews.com
<a href="mailto:lewis@bizarrenews.com">Email Lewis</a>
------------------------------------------------------------
**--- BIZARRE PHOTO ---**
Looking for an image that will burn into your psyche forever?
Find the Bizarre photo of the week at:
http://www.bizarrenews.com
************************************************************
ARCHIVE LINK:
http://archives.gophercentral.com
<a href="http://archives.gophercentral.com">GopherCentral Archives</a>
************************************************************
TO SUBSCRIBE: http://www.gophercentral.com/sub/sub-bizarre.html
<a href="http://www.gophercentral.com/sub/sub-bizarre.html">Subscribe</a>
To UNSUBSCRIBE: http://news.gophercentral.com/s/?a=u&n=416&s=48017858
<a href="http://news.gophercentral.com/s/?a=u&n=416&s=48017858">
Unsubscribe</a>
You are subscribed as: tonightsdecision1987@hotmail.com
Please do not reply to this message This is computer generated.
Change Your Email Address by Visiting:
<a href=" http://scripts.gophercentral.com/email_update/start.asp ">
Change your email address</a>
------------------------------------------------------------
MORE FUN, AMUSEMENT AND PUBS: http://www.gophercentral.com
<a href="http://www.gophercentral.com">More F-R-E-E Newsletters Here</a>
FOR INTERVIEWS: mailto:interview@gophercentral.com
<a href="mailto:interview@gophercentral.com">Radio Interviews</a>
------------------------------------------------------------
END OF BIZARRE NEWS
http://www.bizarrenews.com
Copyright 2005 by PENN LLC. All rights reserved.
here's the issue I just got today in its complete form:
BIZARRE NEWS - Wednesday, May 11, 2005
"Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
------------------------------------------------------------
Subscribe/unsubscribe links at the BOTTOM of the page.
------------------------------------------------------------
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
We're starting a new project with Bizarre News. It's the
Bizarre News web log, or blog. This is pretty much the same
thing as your Bizarre News email edition, but with the
Bizarre News Blog you can post your comments right online
(without me having to pick and choose them) and respond to
other readers' comments.
This will be good news for all of those readers who wrote
in with such vituperative comments about breast-feeding in
public, etc...
If you'd like to check out this issue on the blog just
click the following link...
<a href=" http://blogs.gophercentral.com/bizarre.html ">
Bizarre News Blog</a>
Bizarrely,
Lewis
____________________________________________________________
+----------------- Bizarre Police Reports -----------------+
In Detroit, Oregon, a hunter thought he had found a severed
human head in an abandoned mining shed and called the police.
Deputy Larry Taylor realized it was just the head of a manne-
quin when he noticed a price sticker on the forehead.
A California officer charged the driver of a white Mazda
with DUI after driving down Pacific Coast Highway with the
upper half of a traffic light pole laying across its hood.
When Fonteno asked the drunk driver about the pole, he respon-
ded: "It came with the car when I bought it."
The driver of an armored truck in Edmonton, Alberta appeared
to be signaling for help as he repeatedly swung his door open.
After six police cruisers chased and stopped the truck, it
turned out, the driver had simply tried to fan fresh air into
the cabin after the other guard had passed gas.
In Boynton, Florida, Michael Harrison and Kevin Carter were
arrested and charged with armed robbery and murder in their
attempt to raise money to attend the police academy.
Stockholm, Sweden - Customs officers in Stockholm, Sweden
arrested a woman who had tried to smuggle 75 live snakes
in her bra. The officers became suspicious when they noticed
how the woman kept scratching her chest.
***
----------------- What Will Jesus Do? ----------------------
CHARLESTON, W.Va. - Life is hard when you're Jesus Christ,
especially when it comes to getting a driver's license. It's
been a lengthy legal battle for the man born as Peter Robert
Phillips Jr. to prove his name really is Christ. "This all
started with him expressing his faith and his respect and
love for Jesus Christ," attorney A.P. Pishevar told The
Associated Press. "Now he needs to document it for legal
reasons." He falls short of West Virginia title and license
transfer requirements because his Florida birth certificate
has his original name on it and he hasn't been able to
obtain an official name change in Washington.
------------------------------------------------------------
"It was an exhilarating and exciting Las Vegas-like evening,
and I didn't have to leave my house."
Here's what they are saying about the Golden Riviera:
"I learned Texas Hold 'Em first playing for free online at
Golden Riviera. Then I played for money and won a tourney."
"I played for free, and then Golden Riviera gave me $50 to
start playing for real. I love it."
"Now I can play Texas Hold 'Em or Stud anytime I want."
"It was always hard getting a game together. Not anymore
because there's always a seat open at the Golden Riviera."
Play for money or for free. You are one click away from having
fun. Visit: http://rd.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=8467&ent=2878
<a href="http://rd.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=8467&ent=2878">
Golden Riviera</a>
------------------------------------------------------------
---------- Owners of Bird Cry Fowl Over Ticket -------------
RIDGECREST, Calif. - This sounds like the beginning of a bad
joke - a chicken in Kern County, Calif., crossing the road
was ticketed for its offense. The owners of the jaywalking
bird, Linc and Helena Moore, are upset over the ruling. They
believe the ticket was payback for their complaints that
deputies haven't done enough to control off-road joyriders
who come through town on their ATVs. A sheriff's sergeant
argues that chickens wandering onto the road are becoming an
issue in the small community. The Moores have pleaded
innocent on behalf of their wayward chicken.
-------------------- Santa He's Not ------------------------
WEBSTER CITY, Iowa - Javier Torrez found himself in a tight
spot. The 20-year-old wedged himself in a chimney while
attempting to break into a vacant house. A neighbor called
the authorities after hearing cries for help coming from the
home. Upon arrival, the police kicked in the front door and
followed Torrez's voice to the basement where his legs stuck
out from the chimney. Firefighters were able to free the
intruder and turned him over to police. Apparently, Torrez
made his way from the roof and then through the chimney
before his robbery was cut short. He now faces trespassing
charges, but the case is still under investigation.
When I am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple With a Red Hat...
Proclaim your passion for the Red Hat Society whenever and
wherever you go by wearing this sassy necklace. Flaunt it at
your next meeting it'll be sure to bring compliments and
every lady in the club will want one. Order now and it can
be yours for $5.99 when you visit:
http://rd.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=499&ent=2884
<a href="http://rd.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=499&ent=2884">
Red Hat Necklace</a>
----------------- Police Holed-up Suspect ------------------
SAN ANTONIO, TX - A man who was found sticking out of a
hole in the side of a building at the scene of a burglary
denied having involvement with the robbery. During the
investigation, San Antonio police said they discovered Ruben
Porter trying to squeeze out of the hole to avoid capture.
Although he denied any misconduct, police found several
tools from the nearby robbed store on him.
* Flag Day Is June 14th Show Your AMERICAN PRIDE *
3 x 5 ft flag for just $2.99
The American Flag embodies our American freedom. It is the
symbol of our national unity and tells of sacrifices that
brave men and women of this nation have made to fight for
our freedoms. Now is the time to fly our symbol of American
Pride in the "Land of the Free, Home of the Brave." This Flag
Day show your neighborhood that you are proud to live in this
great country. Wave your very own 3 x 5 ft. (standard size) flag
for just $2.99. (Limit 5 per order) Order Yours by visiting:
http://rd.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=499&ent=1846
<a href="http://rd.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=499&ent=1846">
Fly Your U.S. Flag</a>
Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
<a href=" http://www.gophercentral.com/book/bizarre.html ">
Bizarre Uncensored</a>
GopherCentral's Question of the Week
Do you think we need a balanced budget amendment
for the Federal Government?
Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:
http://rd.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=7541&ent=2501
<a href="http://rd.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=7541&ent=2501">
Question of the Week</a>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
All this talk about breast feeding has reminded me of
something. Breasts are like electric trains--they are
meant for children, but it's grown men who usually end
up playing with them.
Maybe you should take a poll of your women readers, because
as one I can tell you I do NOT concider breasts sex objects.
They're a major annoyance! They hurt like HE!! for a week
out of every month, and if you're built like me (natural D)
you have to put up with jacka$$es who think they're entitled
to cop a feel. Only men view breasts as sex objects. --Karen
[I took your advice, Karen, and conducted a poll of the
women in the office. All I asked was... "Do you consider
your breasts a sex object?" Without knowing how any of
the other women responded, two-to-one answered 'yes.' And
several of those 'yeses' were from mothers.]
you guys always make me laugh...or think about something...
bizzzzarre..and i ways pass things to my friends..just to
make their day..thanks...go-you! --Snow White
[I'm gone.]
Lewis, I didn't know that elephants had lips. --Jamie
[You learn something new every day.]
I can show you that "French kissing" should be Jewish
kissing, because it appears in the bible! Song of Solomon
4:11 Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb: honey
and milk are under thy tongue; and the smell of thy
garments is like the smell of Lebanon. How would he know
what it tastes like under her tongue unless his tongue was
under there? --Tom
[Maybe she was gargling.]
Hey Lewis, I fake phone sex on the cell phone...saves a lot
of money...and minutes.
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do? Send
comments and questions to: mailto:lewis@bizarrenews.com
<a href="mailto:lewis@bizarrenews.com">Email Lewis</a>
------------------------------------------------------------
**--- BIZARRE PHOTO ---**
Looking for an image that will burn into your psyche forever?
Find the Bizarre photo of the week at:
http://www.bizarrenews.com
************************************************************
ARCHIVE LINK:
http://archives.gophercentral.com
<a href="http://archives.gophercentral.com">GopherCentral Archives</a>
************************************************************
TO SUBSCRIBE: http://www.gophercentral.com/sub/sub-bizarre.html
<a href="http://www.gophercentral.com/sub/sub-bizarre.html">Subscribe</a>
To UNSUBSCRIBE: http://news.gophercentral.com/s/?a=u&n=416&s=48017858
<a href="http://news.gophercentral.com/s/?a=u&n=416&s=48017858">
Unsubscribe</a>
You are subscribed as: tonightsdecision1987@hotmail.com
Please do not reply to this message This is computer generated.
Change Your Email Address by Visiting:
<a href=" http://scripts.gophercentral.com/email_update/start.asp ">
Change your email address</a>
------------------------------------------------------------
MORE FUN, AMUSEMENT AND PUBS: http://www.gophercentral.com
<a href="http://www.gophercentral.com">More F-R-E-E Newsletters Here</a>
FOR INTERVIEWS: mailto:interview@gophercentral.com
<a href="mailto:interview@gophercentral.com">Radio Interviews</a>
------------------------------------------------------------
END OF BIZARRE NEWS
http://www.bizarrenews.com
Copyright 2005 by PENN LLC. All rights reserved.
