Check out these lyrics

[DigLazarusDig]

Good? Bad?

If bad... help me fix them please. I also need a title.




-Unconcerning colors collide upon my canvas
-Captured within chapters, surrendered into stanzas
-With complete abandonment we throw caution to the wind
-Set upon by uncoiled memories as thoughts slowly transcend

-Scattered shadows on the ground
-Black rose pedals falling down
-We grasp at light without design
-The sparks of darkness they do confine

-Our souls are rattled like a silver chain
-Untill only memories of our dust remain
-We are blown away by the winds of time
-Our lives eroded like water wears through stones of lime.

-Unconcerning colors collide upon my canvas
-Captured within chapters, surrendered into stanzas
-With complete abandonment we throw caution to the wind
-Set upon by uncoiled memories as thoughts slowly transcend

-As characters we play our role
-As caricatures we bare our soul
-Concealed dimensions released before our eyes
-We forfeit and surrender desires in disguise

 

[fading]

uncoiled memories

 

[theoden236]

feelings

 

[Det Som Engang Var]

You have some good ideas, although I don't really like lyrics that tell me what "we" do.

Good shit, though.

 

[refraction]

^what he said.
Title suggestion: Chains of Silver

 

[Det Som Engang Var]

Our lives eroded like water wears through stones of lime.

That needs to go. It's cheesy and it's too long, it breaks the flow of that section.

Your first two lines are the best, two after that remind me of the way I write with unnecessary words.

 

[Mr.Sister]

The diamonds, the bracelets, the bling and Swarovsky
These guys go... cause that's why often call me
Hustling, questioning what I'm copying
Cheafing for free on that bomb hypnotic
My shades are Versaci, and my... a secret
So sexy in Victoria Secret.
I smoke on that purp, I keep it lit
Cause I ... better than a...

I'm a very freaky girl, don't give it up for nothing
All he want to do is just pound on my muffin.
All he wanna do, all he wanna do
All he want to do is just pound on my muffin.
'm a very freaky girl, don't give it up for nothing
All he want to do is just pound on my muffin.
Pound on my muffin, pound on my muffin
All he want to do is just pound on my muffin.

Back and forth just like monkey in the middle
Tease him right there while I'm blazing on his vital
If you wanna fuck with me, you gotta solve the riddle
I'm a down ass bitch, and I play it just a little!
Fuck with me, you ain't getting any loving
A player like you just wanna pound the muffins!
Fake til is done while I'm puffing on your coffin
..you ain't .. me nothing
You ain't.. me nothing, you ain't... me nothing!
Fuck you bitch, you ain't...
Surprising with my ass, got a .. on my back
He gave me... and hash in the...
Now.. he a pimp, daddy...
But he rides a bus, he ain't even got a Lamb!

Pound on her muffin, yeah good
Cause she told me to come and screw her
And knock the berries on that thing
And I'mma lick it all around
and she's telling all her friends how I...
..wanna meet her
You know how...
And she love how a my pals treat her!
Bitch can never play me
She getting money daily
and I hit it running... like lately.

 

[nckissfan]

Our lives eroded like water wears through stones of lime.

maybe "our lives erode like water through limestone" I, agree, that line does not flow well with the rest

I like the lyrics.

 

[WhiteBeastofWotan]

look my horse, my horse is amazing

 

[DigLazarusDig]

Our lives eroded like water wears through stones of lime.

That needs to go. It's cheesy and it's too long, it breaks the flow of that section.

Your first two lines are the best, two after that remind me of the way I write with unnecessary words.

maybe "our lives erode like water through limestone" I, agree, that line does not flow well with the rest

I like the lyrics.

thx.

Although... At the end of the three verses I have two extra chords changes to wind the verses down, and to segue into the breaks...(the song starts with the chorus)

I will re-examine the lines for sure... thx again.

 

[DigLazarusDig]

You have some good ideas, although I don't really like lyrics that tell me what "we" do.

the "we" stuff. I know... Should I use 'my'... 'your' 'her'.. 'his'..?

 

[DigLazarusDig]

Good shit, though.

thank you

 

[DigLazarusDig]

^what he said.
Title suggestion: Chains of Silver

Out of the three title suggestions... OH yeah... I like this one very much...

If I use your title... I will credit your user name...

 

[neal]

shut up woman get on my horse

 

[refraction]

Out of the three title suggestions... OH yeah... I like this one very much...

If I use your title... I will credit your user name...

Haha no problem. We should start up a lyrics thread. Ive got some stuff I wouldnt mind sharing here. Just to damn lazy to transcribe everything from paper to computer....

 

[DigLazarusDig]

Haha no problem. We should start up a lyrics thread. Ive got some stuff I wouldnt mind sharing here. Just to damn lazy to transcribe everything from paper to computer....

I agree.

You named my tune BTW.... thx.

 

[refraction]

I agree.

You named my tune BTW.... thx.

Haha thats cool!

Thought Id put up a short one I wrote:

The Dead Lake


Amidst the silent trees
No bird nor breeze sings
The black lake like molten night
The dead shimmer across its surface

Waves come
Beconing, longing
Wishing to grasp
Stories they tell me
Tales of the deep
Of mistery and myth
Of shelter in the aphotic depths
Safe under the weight oft he water
Guarded by the waves
„To be under the depths, burried yet free…“
Out of the lakes body
The waves surge all around
Nothing but smooth stone remains

 

[DigLazarusDig]

Haha thats cool!

Thought Id put up a short one I wrote:

I like it.

 

[refraction]