Colon Cleansers, your experiences?

[Reign in Acai]

My buddy was preaching the gospel of colon cleansing earlier this afternoon. Going to split an eight week supply with a chum and shed all the shit from my giblet infested innards. Stick a tube up your ass no more, the answer to all of life's solutions is in one little bottle. Vitameatavegimin! I've been eating healthier than Jack Lalanne for the past several months. No deep fried foods, no burgers, watching the bread. Yet the attack of the fupa remains stalwart in it's plight for waistband annihilation. Why?!?! Because my stomach is a haven for extreme excrement. Who here is man enough to take the erase the waste challenge, step to the fore. Advantages include the ability to defecate on will, a potpourri smelling pooper, a natural waste line that would make Adonis blush, and the self-esteem you always wanted but have always failed to achieve.

Who here has tried this detoxification process?!? Let's hear your experiences!




:Spam:

 

[Reign in Acai]

Well this stuff helps you absorb nutrients, while allowing you to poop on command. Shitting 6-8 times a day = WIN. I'm willing to try everything once, aside from gay sex and befriending blacks. Don't worry folks, everything will be logged and reported on this very forum.

 

[neal]

i eat Taco Bell every few weeks, i think my bowels are pretty clean.

 

[Reign in Acai]

What does "help you absorb vitamins" even mean? As with your colon, your digestive system has evolved to absorb vitamins just fine on its own.

I don't know about that one. I had the urge to take a massive shit 2 hours ago after a round of sushi. I dropped trough, hopped on to my porcelain wave runner, and shat two tortoise heads, with the shells remaining deeply intact, embedded on to my intestinal wall. They're up there. Flush it out, Flush it out, St Anger is in me.


My buddy of many a millenia says he feels great. Real life testimonials work for me. :Smokedev:

 

[swizzlenuts]

Yeah, Colon Cleansers are pure pseudoscience.

Any time you hear detoxification, it's bullshit.

 

[Reign in Acai]

Shitting on command, averaging 6 shits on goal.
Thinner waistline (first time he ever did 25 chinups in a row, less body weight to pull)
Increased energy
Retaining that youthful glow. Would you believe F-I-B-E-R?!

That's primarily what most of these asshole treatments are comprised of, a shitload of fiber. Not enough hours in the day to eat 24 stalks of celery.


Worst case scenario, I'm out $80 and have a bad case of the runs. Either way you're all going to be subjected to pictures of my feces. Sounds like a win-win.

 

[swizzlenuts]

Save your $80 for some fucking beer.

Just find a peer reviewed journal that justified everything your buddy has said. It's not gonna happen, it's all based on confusing correlation and causations.

 

[JontRevolting]

My dad has been to my mates grandmothers,who's a practitioner of natural therapy a couple of times for colonic irrigation,which to me is fucking sick and twisted,there's no way in hell i'd let anyone mess around with my ass,unless they be blonde buxom and with silicon implants,he swears by it and will probably live longer than me but i'd need to be basically unconscious before allowing this to occur to me

 

[Reign in Acai]

Save your $80 for some fucking beer.

Just find a peer reviewed journal that justified everything your buddy has said. It's not gonna happen, it's all based on confusing correlation and causations.

These are the same people who change their stance on eggs and milk every 5 years right? No thanks. I'll try it and make up my own opinion, sham or no sham. It's called living.

What I ask of you fine folks is first hand accounts. Lurch, you look like a dude who has had his ass cleaned once or twice, what do you think?!

 

[dorian gray]

A container of Go-Lytely will quite literally clean out your colon...so that the physician can actually see what's going on in there during a colonoscopy. Prescription only too, I'm afraid. Anything else is baloney.

 

[Reign in Acai]

, I'd rather make an epic beer haul for the same amount of money.

http://www.abc15.com/content/news/webxtra/story.aspx?content_id=bae5d192-700e-4cfd-a32a-2ef6f3737adb

Beer is not going to clear out my colon. Do you understand that I'm sitting on 20 lbs of shit?!?! I feel like Barack Obama turned outside in.

 

[swizzlenuts]

These are the same people who change their stance on eggs and milk every 5 years right? No thanks. I'll try it and make up my own opinion, sham or no sham. It's called living.

What I ask of you fine folks is first hand accounts. Lurch, you look like a dude who has had his ass cleaned once or twice, what do you think?!

I'm saying first hand accounts are useless to make a informed medical decisions.

 

[swizzlenuts]

By the way, it's completely unhealthy to do it regularly.

Fucking New Age hippie bullshit.

 

[Ars Magna]

My only experience with anything close to this is as Dorian described pre-colonoscopy. I figured I would be pounding waves of shit into the toilet but, after the second large dump, it was basically just yellowish water running through me.

Regardless of the validity of the process, I look forward to hearing your results.

On a related note:

Kick Ass

I'm sure you've all seen this by now and I may have even posted it here before, but this seemed like a fitting thread. Best of luck, RiA!!!

 

[JontRevolting]

are you really prepared to let some stranger tamper around with your a-hole,then if so i believe you deserve all the benefits that it may ent(r)ail,all the best with that brave warrior,you're a better man than i and like i said i cannot believe that my old man let Nanna Colonic do it to him,the thought of this encounter is an abomination,only cause its my dad,but he will reap the rewards i'm sure

 

[dorian gray]

?

 

[Krigloch the Furious]

anybody else shit once a day?

 

[Conspicuously Absent]

I shit usually once a day, sometimes twice a day, sometimes every other day.

 

[Ars Magna]

I generally have a morning shit before work and then one when I get home. Schedules are nice when it comes to crapping. I'm concerned about day 2 of HC. I'll need to shit around 6.

 

[Krigloch the Furious]