creepy new changeling-inspired story

[dreaming neon darkspot]

well, loosely inspired by the movie The Changeling. tell me if you can trace it. i'm thinking of submitting it to a horror fiction magazine (Cemetery Dance or something of that nature) so "constructive criticism", proof-reading, opinions, etc., would be greatly appreciated.
http://storywrite.com/story/show/52480
thanks!

~Laura

 

[mReEtTaIlRsEkD]

Edit: (sorry, but it needed to be posted)

Edit: and this one, omg!!

(I'm such a dick)

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

at first i was going to be irritated because you responded without readin my stoy, but then i saw the cookie-kitty and squealed to death from the cuteness and decided that it was alright!

 

[DriftAlongLiquidSky]

Honestly at first I didnt want to read it because of the length, but then I remembered how bored I was, so I gave it a go, and I was suprised.
tIs very good, its very creepy too. The only part which I found strange was that an old man managed to subdue a 6 foot butch crim named Ray.

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

Honestly at first I didnt want to read it because of the length, but then I remembered how bored I was, so I gave it a go, and I was suprised.
tIs very good, its very creepy too. The only part which I found strange was that an old man managed to subdue a 6 foot butch crim named Ray.

ahh, the power of cannibalism.

*shrug* i'll work with that part.

 

[derek]

It's hawt. Normally I have loads of pedantic scholarly things to say, but this is pretty cool.

ME LIKEY!

 

[dreaming neon darkspot]

does pederantic mean you like to have sex with little boys?

well, regardless of that, i'd actually appreciate any scholarly comments you had, pweeze?

 

[derek]

No Miss! Pederasty would indicate my weakness for young boys.

Still...

Well, Lemme read it again and take notes (it'll be tomorrow now) and I'll make some observations.

No guarantees they'll be any good.