Critisize my Lyrics?

[Visage]

sadsdasadsadsasadas

 

[Pessimism]

Not bad, but I would have to actually hear them in a song; usually, even horrible lyrics can fit greatly in a song - it's all in the presentation.

 

[kkfootee]

I like them! I agree with Seraphim Belial: it all depends on how it fits the song itself.

Do you write always about warfare/honor and so on, or also about other subjects?

Cheers

 

[Vimana]

Yeah the song Killing in the Name has bad lyrics buts a good song.

 

[BlackMetalWhiteGuy]

I like them, but I'm not much of a lyricist, so I wouldn't give too much credit to my opinion on this. They remind me a bit of Amon Amarth, except from a more objective point of view.

 

[Alter]

I dont like them. Music should go with the lyrics so maybe that is what is lacking.

 

[Death658]

i really like song 2, but i think "Walled into my own tomb" could be reworded a little. I read it and thought "Well duh"
it might work a little better if you made the tomb belong to a part of your mind or something along those lines

 

[waif]

What kind of music do you play? This sounds very power metal to me, but maybe fantasy black metal too...How is it sung? Operatic, falsetto, scream, rasp, growl?

 

[cholo11]

It sounds damn Folk
Like some viking metal or something, Hammerfall, Amon Amarth Gravedigger, Ensiferium etc.
I think it would sound good in an ensiferium or grave digger style. Nice lyrics btw

 

[cholo11]

It sounds damn Folk
Like some viking metal or something, Hammerfall, Amon Amarth Gravedigger, Ensiferium etc.
I think it would sound good in an ensiferium or grave digger style. Nice lyrics btw

 

[Mathius Krunk]

It sounds damn Folk
Like some viking metal or something, Hammerfall, Amon Amarth Gravedigger, Ensiferium etc.

And what's wrong with that?

 

[Catastrophic]

And what's wrong with that?

Maybe he hates folk? It's nice in my opinion.

 

[waif]

I think it would work in a dark, heavy power metal context (Tad Morose-ish), a death/thrash style, AA-style melodeath, or viking/pagan metal. Just have to get the intonation right to give them the epic-narrative style they need while making them work in a metal song.

 

[skinxcarver]

Hello, I am a bass/guitar player and am starting to write a lot of lyrics and play around with them. I have a few rough ideas so far that I have begun to work with and would like any opinions/suggestions/critisizm you can give me to improve my writing. I realize some may be very generic right now, just ideas :-d

Song Sample 1

ALL HAIL THE WARLORD!
Champions proud and strong lead the legion on,
Warriors of great renown mount their steeds,
Versed in stratagem, battle formations, sword axe and spear,
Veterans of a hundred battles, witness to a thousand crimes.
Witness to countless faces of men they have slain.
Their hearts hardened by the years, they show no remorse.

ALL HAIL THE WARLORD!
One man strides before all others,
Defiant in his black steel full-plate, ominous spikes blooming like thorns,
Brimstone fire burning in the eyes - the only emotion in the empty face.
He serves no King, God, or ideal, but only himself and his men.
Life's sole goal - perfection and mastery of the art of war,
Bloodlust fuels every step towards immortality.

ALL HAIL THE WARLORD!
The one true hero,
Fighting not for riches, land, or fame,
Only for the joy of battle,
The true test of man's ability.
Pain and death are inevitable
For he who strikes for pleasure.


Song Sample 2

Beneath the crashing waves it echoes
The lost sound of your trailing voice
Forgotten in the depths of memory
Awakening in cold sweat I've made my choice
Its become a reality to haunt me
By my own decree I've sealed my doom
Walled into my own tomb

Kneeling now amidst the debris
I hold hope for a remnant of the past
No such luck finds its way through the dark
Lost thoughts will haunt me till the last
Submerged now in chilling shadow
Awaiting my mind to recall
Your pale eyes which enthrall


Song Sample 3

Embrace your destiny!
To fight with honor and blood,
Embrace death by the sword.
We bring the war with us!

Accept your fate!
A spear thrust in your side,
Daggers impaling the flesh,
We bring the war after death.

At war with Heaven,
At war with Hell.
At war with humanity,
And Earth itself.

Hatred, Lust, Greed, Violence,
These things are evident in all men.
They are part of our most primal nature,
And we should embrace this part of ourselves,
We cannot deny these, our most animalistic insticts,
Which remind us we are not so different from the beast.

note: the last paragraph of this song I imagine being spoken as an outro.

Any improvements I can make? Tell me.

i like the first one the best. i think it would kick ass mixed with amon amarth vocals and blind guardin vocals.


the second one is pretty damn good also. i think it would be good with melodic music behind it.

the third one was my least favorite. it seems like it would be a decent thrash song though.


crit mine if you want it will be the thread by skinxcarver

 

[oldschoolowns]

I like them. Whenever I make an attempt to write lyrics I try to have a story or message in mind- and you are quite good at that.

As previous posters have said, it is all in the presentation.