Email - how to get the masses to read them.

[lizard]

or, How to Confuse the Workforce.

From:​

Burr, Richard (CSO-C)\​

Sent: Monday, July 19, 2004 3:22 PM​

To: CSO-C All Local (CSO-C)​

Subject: "I am sent before to make a fire..."​

So saeth the character Grumio in one of William Shakespeare's plays. Unfortunately, Grumio was not referring to matches in the ladies room...

It has come to our attention that there are those walking among us who believe that rather than air fresheners, which some find objectionable, a lit match may be an able substitute.

Unfortunately, smoke is also something which some find aggravating to the respiratory tract.

Therefore, as your Safety Monitor, I must prevail upon whoever believes in this alternative to stop.

thanks.

Richard Burr
Computer Assistant
DLA CSO-C DCI
(614) 692-xxxx DSN 850

my work here is done.

 

[xfer]

You're the Safety Monitor for the government?

 

[lizard]

no, just for my 150 person office.

I just had a woman email me and ask for heavy duty exhaust fans and ionizers for the womens' bathrooms. I don't know how to reply!

 

[lizard]

Jesus I don't think I'm the smartest guy in the world but some of these people make me feel like an intellectual titan.

From: Burr, Richard (CSO-C)

Sent: Tuesday, July 20, 2004 2:01 PM

To: CSO-C ALL (CSO-C)

Subject: Ice Machine

Will whoever is putting rice and food remnants in the ice machine tray please stop. It clogs the drain and causes dangerous water spills on the floor.

thx

Richard Burr
Computer Assistant
DLA CSO-C DCI
(614) 692-xxxx DSN 850

 

[xfer]

approximately 15-25 times per year, the library is evacuated by some geniuses making microwave popcorn in the lounge microwave.

i shit you not. NO LESS than 15 times per year. that's more than once per month people forget that you need to watch your fucking popcorn and not put it in for ten minutes and then go poop.

i think it's always one of the same three or four people, too.