Funniest Site Ever

heres an Opeth one from the site:
SOMEWHERE ON THE ROAD, USA - Acclaimed Swedish metal band Opeth, currently in the midst of a tour with Nevermore and Angel Dust, are living up to their much talked-about reputations as constant party-ers, with post-show shindigs turning into epic, all-night spectacles of unabashed debauchery extreme enough to make even the most jaded in the rock world stare in slack-jawed astonishment.

"After our set," Opeth mainman Mikael Akerfeldt politely explained in a painfully embarrassed near-whisper, "I like to walk around venue and chat with fans. I’m glad so many people enjoy our music. It’s really great to be in America. It’s a dream come true."

It’s no wonder Akerfeldt is so reserved after the show. It’s a known fact that no time is a bad time for some old-school, heavy metal hellraising.

"About one month back, we opened for Amorphis on small US tour," the in-your-face Akerfeldt said. "We haven’t played live gigs much, even back home in Sweden. And in a live setting, I must utilize many vocal styles if we are to sound like we do in studio. So, before all the shows, I would rest on the bus, practice guitar, and do voice exercises, and get my mind focused on the show."

And what kind of voice exercises does a road warring metal child like Akerfeldt do?

"Well, I just sing high and low notes," the singer/guitarist quietly explained. "And I soothe my throat by drinking hot tea. With honey. Sometimes, I’ll eat a yogurt. Lowfat."

Akerfeldt added: "Vanilla-flavored is my favorite."

Like any band touring the US for the first time, the wild and crazy guys of Opeth have had ample opportunity to sample the, well how would you say it, groupie scene? Oh yeah, it’s a sure bet that these playas have some stories they WON’T be telling their significant others when they get home, that’s for sure!

"Well, after the show, I get on the bus," said guitarist Peter Lindgren. "I drink some water, and eat a small meal. I really enjoy this Taco Bell place you people have in America. During soundcheck, Martin [Lopez, drummer] missed a beat during ‘Demon of the Fall,’ and I tell him, 'Martin, you dropped the chalupa!' We laughed for nearly 20 minutes on that one. That’s funny stuff! But most of all, we just rest well and get ourselves ready for the next gig. I love being in America! So many wonderful fans!"

And rest is what this band needs in preparation for arguably the most blistering, exhausting live performance that the metal world has seen since the mid-‘80s, arena glory days of Dio, W.A.S.P., and Ozzy. It takes a highly-skilled crew of two to prepare the complex, highly choreographed Opeth stage show.

"Yes, we brought Peter’s cousins, Ole and Sven, with us to America to work as our road crew," Akerfeldt said. "They’re nice kids, and we figured we could use the help lugging our five pieces of equipment in and out of the venues. Of course, we use most of Nevermore’s equipment anyway. Most bands would have a problem working around Nevermore’s gear, but since we basically stand still and look down at the floor, it’s not a problem. But I digress, and for that, I apologize. It’s good to have Ole and Sven around for when we get homesick."

You can bet your bottom dollar that previously sheltered guys like Ole and Sven are living it up with the endless nights of orgiastic, taboo-shattering hedonism that comes with accompanying any metal band on tour. Any truth to the old adage that the lady fans have to get through the roadies first? Come on boys, don’t be shy!

"We don’t see a lot of females when cousin Peter plays," said Sven, cracking open a caffeine free Mountain Dew to wash down a grilled cheese sandwich cooked on the engine block of the tour bus. "We just help them out before they play, and immediately afterwards, we retire to bus with them, sometimes to watch TV or videotapes while we’re driven to next show in next town. Ole is an avid reader, so I know he catches up on his books during our down time. Mostly, we rest to be alert for the long day ahead."

Added Ole: "I like Harry Potter novels."

One thing is certain: absolutely NO ONE is safe when these guys bulldoze through your town! Opeth are doing it their way, and the band politely requests that you F--K OFF if you don’t like it.

"I just want to thank American fans for their continued support," Akerfeldt said. "We’re just doing what we love to do, and that is make music. I’m humbled that so many enjoy it."
 
Infernal Combustion fucking rules. My top ten from them, with the issue number:

Blackmore admits to being a dick (3)
Death Metal to English translator (5)
Hansi Kursch's voice problem (5)
I Do Not Like Amon Amarth (8)
Unrecorded Savatage Album (10)
Anti-Nevermore Page (13)
Larry King's Metal People (15 & 21)
Weird Al's Heavy Metal Album (17)
Halford files restraining order against Ralf Scheepers (20)
Sabbath conspiracy (22)
 
SALES OF NEW MEGADETH ALBUM SURGE AS MUSTAINE THREATENS SIDE PROJECT!!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

What was that other side project MD-40 or something like that?? ha ha. It was TERRIBLE.
 
ha ha.

Thank god what's-his-face came back to Maiden, or else i would have applied it to that Bayley guy.
 
Originally posted by Demonspell
Infernal Combustion fucking rules. My top ten from them, with the issue number:

Death Metal to English translator (5)
Hoser, this is the one I was talking about a few months ago, but couldn't remember the link.