Funny metal headlines

[plfffffft]

I was having a conversation with a few friends, and we got to talking about Infernal Combustion, which led to some of our own "Sidebar" headlines that we think would be good to put on the site. I've decided to share them with you, and urge you to add your own. So here we go:

"Tomas Lindberg joins new band. Fan actually surprised."

"Children of Bodom/Kalmah/Norther world tour: Fans confused on who is headlining."

"Agoraphobic Nosebleed practice cover of Opeth's Black Rose Immortal. Heads Explode"

"Metalhead wins lottery, buys first pressing of every album ever recorded by Tomas Lindberg. goes broke."


So come on, and start adding your own!

 

[Chopstick up the Peehole]

"Manowar and Judas Priest Fans Blamed For World Shortage of Anal Lubricant"

"Black Metallers Questioned After Discovery of Make-Up Kit at Crime Scene"

"Varg Vikernes: 'I should have just stayed in my cell'"

"Decapitated Write A Decent, Original Riff. World In Shock"

 

[Slipknot are tr00]

"Slipknot's Drummer #2 takes off mask to reveal himself as Gene Hoglan"

"Devin Townsend patents hair growth formula"

"UltimateMetal.com forums at "peace"

"Metallica to tour with Exodus & Testament"

"Dimmu Borgir/Paris Hilton Bondage tape leaked"

"Metal Show for Safeco Field Sold Out"

 

[Terrifyer]

"Dream Theater make a descent album"

"Blind Guardian members claim to be straight"

"Euronymous comes back to life"

"Metalhead gets a girlfriend"

 

[anonymousnick2001]

"Dani Filth Gets In Auto Accident Due To Booster Seat Failure"

"George Clinton Kicks Glen Benton's Ass"

"Nikki Sixx: April Fools Y'All! I've Really Been Stright-Edge All This Time!"

"Varg: Mother, I Never Meant To Hurt You. I Never Meant To Make You Cry. Tonight, I'm Cleaning Out My Closet"

 

[Fenrir13]

"Metal album released, not produced by Peter or Tommy Tagtgren."

"Jon Schaffer at loss for words. Four horsemen seen on the horizon"

 

[poltergeist]

Some black metal band knocks up a groupie and after the baby is born the singer takes the falopian tube from the hospital and eats it on stage....authorities are unsure whether this is cannibalism or public indecency

 

[polarity]

"Varg: Mother, I Never Meant To Hurt You. I Never Meant To Make You Cry. Tonight, I'm Cleaning Out My Closet"

Christ, that made me laugh so hard.

 

[no country for old wainds]

And me.

 

[Hammer of Might]

Lars gives shock announcement: "I was using a snare drum on St Anger"

 

[The ORIGINAL South Of Heaven]

And me.

+1

 

[LordFireworm]

None of these are funny.
Stop the pain.

 

[anonymousnick2001]

You do better, you wanker!

 

[LordFireworm]

STOP THE PAIN!
My babies are crying.

I'm listening to the Chasm.This band is great.

 

[anonymousnick2001]

 

[LordFireworm]

That guy looks like Cedric from Mars Volta. NUTTY!

http://www.edwebproject.org/bali/gallery/pics/monkey.sexy.jpg

 

[Ginja_Ninja]

"glenn benton's secret life: a farmer's wife"

"varg sentenced to 25 years as a prison bitch" (oh yeah he's currently serving that sentence right now)

"mayhem sharing tour bus with judas priest. sexual harrasement/anal probe investigations underway"

"M&M pistol whipping jamie-the-whiteboy-from-fagbreed for kissing his lover dr. dre and proceeds beating jamie's sorry azz"

"varg is officially somebody's bitch"

"thomas lindberg: suck the big man's nuts, yeah thats right, thats what the music business is about, suck the big man's nuts, then talk..."

"children of bodom/norther/kalmah world tour: Fans can't tell who's who"

 

[plfffffft]

"children of bodom/norther/kalmah world tour: Fans can't tell who's who"

Dude, I said that in the first post in the thread


Blind Guardian reported to have "stripped their sound down to the basic elements" on new album. Hansi Kursch expected to only have 35 vocal tracks per song.