Funny metal headlines

plfffffft

Madly in anger with you
Apr 2, 2002
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I was having a conversation with a few friends, and we got to talking about Infernal Combustion, which led to some of our own "Sidebar" headlines that we think would be good to put on the site. I've decided to share them with you, and urge you to add your own. So here we go:

"Tomas Lindberg joins new band. Fan actually surprised."

"Children of Bodom/Kalmah/Norther world tour: Fans confused on who is headlining."

"Agoraphobic Nosebleed practice cover of Opeth's Black Rose Immortal. Heads Explode"

"Metalhead wins lottery, buys first pressing of every album ever recorded by Tomas Lindberg. goes broke."


So come on, and start adding your own!:loco:
 
"Manowar and Judas Priest Fans Blamed For World Shortage of Anal Lubricant"

"Black Metallers Questioned After Discovery of Make-Up Kit at Crime Scene"

"Varg Vikernes: 'I should have just stayed in my cell'"

"Decapitated Write A Decent, Original Riff. World In Shock"
 
"Slipknot's Drummer #2 takes off mask to reveal himself as Gene Hoglan"

"Devin Townsend patents hair growth formula"

"UltimateMetal.com forums at "peace"

"Metallica to tour with Exodus & Testament"

"Dimmu Borgir/Paris Hilton Bondage tape leaked"

"Metal Show for Safeco Field Sold Out"
 
"Dream Theater make a descent album"

"Blind Guardian members claim to be straight"

"Euronymous comes back to life"

"Metalhead gets a girlfriend"
 
"Dani Filth Gets In Auto Accident Due To Booster Seat Failure"

"George Clinton Kicks Glen Benton's Ass"

"Nikki Sixx: April Fools Y'All! I've Really Been Stright-Edge All This Time!"

"Varg: Mother, I Never Meant To Hurt You. I Never Meant To Make You Cry. Tonight, I'm Cleaning Out My Closet"
 
Some black metal band knocks up a groupie and after the baby is born the singer takes the falopian tube from the hospital and eats it on stage....authorities are unsure whether this is cannibalism or public indecency
 
anonymousnick2001 said:
"Varg: Mother, I Never Meant To Hurt You. I Never Meant To Make You Cry. Tonight, I'm Cleaning Out My Closet"

Christ, that made me laugh so hard.
 
anonymousnick-crackhead.jpg
 
"glenn benton's secret life: a farmer's wife"

"varg sentenced to 25 years as a prison bitch" (oh yeah he's currently serving that sentence right now)

"mayhem sharing tour bus with judas priest. sexual harrasement/anal probe investigations underway"

"M&M pistol whipping jamie-the-whiteboy-from-fagbreed for kissing his lover dr. dre and proceeds beating jamie's sorry azz"

"varg is officially somebody's bitch"

"thomas lindberg: suck the big man's nuts, yeah thats right, thats what the music business is about, suck the big man's nuts, then talk..."

"children of bodom/norther/kalmah world tour: Fans can't tell who's who"
 
Ginja_Ninja said:
"children of bodom/norther/kalmah world tour: Fans can't tell who's who"
Dude, I said that in the first post in the thread:p


Blind Guardian reported to have "stripped their sound down to the basic elements" on new album. Hansi Kursch expected to only have 35 vocal tracks per song.