I found this hilarious

[Spruce Goose]

> >Dog for Sale
> >
> >In Tennessee, a guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog
> >for Sale."
> >
> >He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the
> >backyard.
> >
> >The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting
> >there.
> >
> >"You talk?" he asks.
> >
> >"Yep," the mutt replies.
> >
> >"So, what's your story?"
> >
> >The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty
> >young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my
> gift,
> >and in no time they had me jetting from country to country,
> >sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a
> dog
> >would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight
> years
> >running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't
> >getting
> >any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at
> the
> >airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near
> >suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible
> >dealings
> >there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies,
> and
> >now I'm just retired."
> >
> >The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he
> >wants for the dog.
> >
> >The owner says, "Ten dollars."
> >
> >The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling
> >him, so cheap?"
> >
> >The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that shit."

 

[Blitzkrieg]

 

[TinMan666]

Hahahaha!

 

[Spruce Goose]

One more:

Wiremu, a New Zealander, landed at Heathrow to watch the All Blacks and was not feeling well, so he decided to see a doctor.



"Hey doc, I don't feel so good, ey" said Wiremu. The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Wiremu that he had prostate problems, and that the only cure was testicular removal. "No way doc" replied Wiremu "I'm gitting a second opinion ey!"



The second Pommy doctor gave Wiremu the same diagnosis and also advised him that testicular removal was the only cure. Not surprisingly, Wiremu refused the treatment. Wiremu was devastated but, with only hours to go before the All Blacks opening game he found an expat Kiwi doctor and decided to get one last opinion from someone he could trust.



The Kiwi doctor examined him and said "Wiremu, you huv prostate suckness ey".

"What's the cure thin doc ey?" asked Wiremu hoping for a different answer.



"Wull, Wiremu", said the Kiwi doctor "Wi're gonna huv to cut off your balls."



"Phew, thunk god for thut!" said Wiremu, "those Pommy bastards wanted to take my test tickets off me!"

 

[Winmar]

Hahaha those rule!

 

[Goreripper]

An Aboriginal guy was sitting in the middle of the desert minding his own business. God and Jesus are looking down, feeling a bit bored, and notice him trying to dig some ants out of an anthill.
"Hey son," says God, "watch what happens when I take away half of this guy's brain."
God takes away half the guy's brain and nothing happens. The man continues digging for food.
"Gee Dad," says Jesus, "that's rather odd."
"Let's see what happens when I take away half of what's left," says God, and does so.
The Aborginal doesn't seem to notice.
God and Jesus are amazed.
"Take out the rest of it Dad," Jesus says, and God does so.
The Aboriginal immediately rises to his feet, places his hands on both knees, stomps the ground impressively and begins to chant:

"Come-ahtey! Come-ahtey!..."

 

[Southy]

 

[dreamwatch]

Mark and Nigel Bridgeman - are you going to allow this disgraceful commentary on your homeland? Hmm?

Very funny though.

 

[Spiff]

Hmm.

Bev, is your reputation thing legit?

 

[Goreripper]

What's the reputation thingo? I've never understood that.

 

[Spiff]

Me neither, but Dreamy's rep (the green squares next to the post count, for those wondering) seems to be much, much higher than everyone else's. I think she's sleeping with the webmaster, personally, but that's just between you and me.

 

[phlogiston]

Didn't they get married? I'm pretty sure they got married. Positive, infact, as I've seen pictures. Which means that you're wrong, Spiff. That sort of thing stops once you get married.

 

[Winmar]

Yeah that's right. I haven't slept with my wife since January.