I take a strange delight in failed attempts at hipness

[xfer]

The National Cattleman's Beef Association is concerned with the current coolness of vegetarianism in teenage girls. What to do? Why, sink a pile of money into a campaign hip-up beef, of course!

http://www.cool-2b-real.com/keep/keepinitreal.html

Because nothing is cooler than surfing a slangy site about beef, there are plenty of things to do! Including KIDSCHAT, which is probably nearly 100% populated by R. Kelly-thinkalikes pretending to be teen girls.

And in case this board ever goes down for good, we can invade this messageboard:

http://www.cool-2b-real.com/cgi-bin/c2br/friends/mb/board.pl

where, I'm sure, every single one of the painfully-syntaxed current posts from "Ashley, 12", "Kimberly, 15" and their friends were fabricated in an ad agency somewhere.

so pitch the salads! chuck the chicken! i'm SOLD on beef!

 

[VangelicSurgeon]

...in awe...

 

[avi]

(no comment at this time. thank you, move along)

 

[VangelicSurgeon]

I'm checking out what other real girls think about being popular!

"Keep it real" guys!

 

[xfer]

wurd!

 

[azal]

BEEF ROXXX GIRLIEZZZ!!
HOLLA!! LOOOOOOLL!!

XOXOXOX

 

[deadair]

i'm sure a lot of posts start out...

"...i've got a beef stick. who wants some?"

 

[The Dope]

"Real" girls have "real" friends.... Friends who understand, friends who care, and friends who keep you real.

Why are there so many references to the "realness" of the girls on that website? Does the world have a big problem with a growing population of imaginary girls? Are they like fake accounts? And why don't the fake girls like beef?

 

[xfer]

Obviously you haven't recently read the teen-girl mags like YM, Seventeen, etc. Nowadays, they're all filled with poststructural musings on the nature of inauthenticity and shit.

 

[avi]

yeah, word. what xfer said bro.

 

[azal]

the addition of "and shit" provides credibility to that post.

 

[VangelicSurgeon]

why is real always in quotation marks? By "real" do they really mean fake?

 

[azal]

J Lo is "real"

 

[chupe666]

I don't think I'd like to be real. I wanna be fake, like deadair.

 

[xfer]

The only things fake about deadair are his tits!

 

[avi]

there's quite a lot of talk about what's real and what's fake today. sheesh, what gives?

 

[xfer]

All the board's a stage, avi.

 

[The Idea Professor]

Originally posted by avi
there's quite a lot of talk about what's real and what's fake today. sheesh, what gives?

Well, Avi, this is a very complex question. I think one can start by looking at a simple timeline of recent human (and by human, I mean Western Civilization, of course) history.

Consider,

Feb 3rd, 1377: Mass execution of population of Cesena Italy

Feb 3rd, 1743: Philadelphia establishes a "pesthouse" to quarantine immigrants

Feb 3rd, 1876: Albert Spalding, with $800 starts sporting goods company, manufacturing 1st official baseball, tennis ball, basketball, golf ball, & football

Feb 3rd, 1980: Larry Holmes TKOs Lorenzo Holmes in 6 for heavyweight boxing title

I hope this helps you to understand more clearly.

Good day, a tip of the hat to you, and that one was for free!

- The Idea Professor

 

[xfer]

umm...where's the idea professor's pipe??

 

[avi]

I hate the Idea Professor.