I'd forgotten about this review.

[Jim LotFP]

GRAND BELIAL'S KEY Press Bio for Judeobeast Assassination
1 page- 595 words Moribund​

Sometimes, you don't even have to listen to the album. This is the full biography that was sent to the press and retailers/mailorders to get them interested in the new Grand Belial's Key. It is a masterpiece of creativity and twisted thinking and more humorous than any Dave Barry column. I couldn't leave it alone. (Press release in standard type, LotFP "review' in italics, credit Metal Sludge for the format if you wish but you tell me a better way to do this):

"GBK. was created 1992 C.E. by an agreement between Gelal Necrosodomy and Lord Fag Pussyferian. I think one of those names is the actual pseudonym of a current member of GBK, and the other is a derogatory parody of a former member's name. Damned if I can figure out which of those is cool and which is insulting. Their legendary demo Goat of a Thousand Young was recorded that same year and remains one of the most treasured and traded tapes in Black Metal history. Shortly after, GBK enters studio to record Triumph of the Hordes for PAGAN RECORDS (Poland) Lord Fag jeopardizes deal with Cacophonous Records (England) for full-length release in 1994 CE. Lord Fag is ousted from the hordes and allowed to join fellow circus band Ancient who immediately got signed to Metal Blade. You sure showed him. GELAL returns to his coffin remember the use of the word coffin as a place of strength invoking The Black Lourde Of Crucifixion, Der Sturmer, level 12 fighter with 88 hit points, no doubt and Lilith from the paternal organization The Crucifier Brotherhood in 1995 CE. The hordes are inspired to compose music in the vein of first demo. Brotherhood promises to release the most mysterious and occult translated: not expecting anybody to actually buy it album of decaying underground. To parch the time between releases, the hordes record cult 7"ep A Witness to the Regicide for Wood-Nymph in 1997 CE. Content with the label's work translated: sales are double what was expected: 12, the hordes record debut double gatefold LP/CD for same label entitled Mocking the Philanthropist. What stupid idea is that? You like humanity, nanny nanny boo boo! In 1998 CE, CD is wrongfully boycotted by Rough Trade Distribution (Germany) for offensive photos and ideology, although none are present in release. Go read the last line in this press release. Look at the title of the album this press release is for. They have a song called Shitagogue. If they were going to be banned for this reason, it would hardly be inaccurate no matter what was on the CD itself Hundreds of underground sheep follow in leftist conspiracy Or common sense, take your pick. Record labels cannot believe hordes signed with a tiny underground label while ignoring fruitful offers. I wonder how many of those 'fruitful offers' had the clause "Don't be a Nazi" Wood-Nymph is forced to put a lid to their coffin in bankruptcy. What? They needed money to survive? Distribution? Sales? They are obviously untrue and greedy Jewish scum! The frail underground which didn't go bankrupt rejects GBK in press and distribution You told us that already.. Tour plans canceled for lack of support Tour support for bands with no label is kind of rare, you know, and jealousy Jealous of your lack of good press, distribution, or the folding of your record label? from BLACK 'glam rock' METAL community read: We're pissed off that Cradle of Filth and Dimmu Borgir have, you know, an audience in general. The hordes play 2 shows in four years. I'm sure all those black glam rock metal poseurs called up all the clubs and prevented your bookings and then threatened all of the potential fans of non-black glam rock metal with, I don't know, something horribly glammy, to shut down your ability to play shows In 2000 CE, hordes release cult 7"ep The Tricifixion of Swine for Spikekult Records/End All Life Productions in France. Barbarian Wrath (Germany) decide to re-release debut CD under different title Castrate the Redeemer to justify the band's efforts. I think I'll re-release Cynic's album under a different title so they can feel justified too. In 2001 CE, hordes release 9 minute song on a split 7"ep 'Sperm of the Antichrist' lyrics full of insight and intelligence, I'm sure with comrades Manslaughter, finally dispersed is this a record or a fart? by Horror Records (Denmark) and quickly sold out as all previous releases. GBK returns to the stage playing 4 winter shows with veteran musicians Kommando and Demonic on bass. Negotiations for next LP/CD concluded in a blood pact with Drakkar Productions in France. The hordes enter studio in March of 2001 CE to record second LP/CD entitled Judeobeast Assassination. North American version licensed via Moribund Cult, vinyl version to be released by End All Life Productions in France.

GBK represents utter defamation of the holy doctrines an original and exciting cause, nuclear hatred toward the pious tribes of the civilized world So close to being 60s protest music, aren 't they?, notorious pessimism and disgust toward the birthing of life I saw a birth on the Discovery Channel many years ago. I was disgusted, so I'll give them this one. GRAND BELIAL'S KEY does not represent vampirism Then why all this talk about coffins? or any other childish games like selling records or going on tours associated with the black 'glam rock' metal scene or the FUNderground. OH that's just lame. Maybe 1 can play this game and say NSBM stands for Not So Bright Metal?

For those born yesterday, GBK are one of the founding fathers of the North American Black Metal Genre (along with Blasphemy, Masochist, Profanatica, and Acheron), regardless of the way modern-day magazines prefer to think the USBM scene developed. It took them this long to say something useful in a straightforward manner? When GB started, there was no such thing as a US Black Metal Scene... Raise your hand If you think there's really one now. In fact, someone define the word 'scene' for me because a few hundred people across the United States acting like stifled kids because they feel a need to prove they're as true as a bunch of Scandinavians who are all dead, jailed, or moved on doesn't sound like much of a scene to me? No, I don't think there's a real US power metal scene either. GBK never emulated the soon-commercialized, stereotypical black metal sound that was popularized in the last decade good, good, and therefore were overlooked by the morass of trend following sheep. Not having distribution in Germany, or much publicity, may have contributed as well. I don't recall Samael or Enslaved sounding much like much other black metal bands and they didn't get buried. Often misunderstood Oh I think I understand just fine, and even banned, these Satanic Warriors have been unstoppable except by distributors, left wing conspirators, black glam rock metal, and the FUNderground... in their 10 year quest to eradicate the judeo-christian corruption of man! Wow, they're so unstoppable, they've almost done it. Right? Judeobeast Assassination, one of the most vehement and blasphemic assaults ever launched by the True Black Metal elite, is now available domestically for the 1st time! Joy. The doves of War What are doves going to do? Poop on our heads? have commeth to roast the kosher beast!" What? Pork roast? Or do you mean something that will get you banned by German distributors and people with common sense?

And yes, there was a CD that came with this bio, but I'd already heard quite enough. Haven't you?

 

[Occam's Razor]

actually, this is only funny because of your comments - it is still frightening that such stupidity exists and is listened to (is it?)

 

[DBB]

is listened to (is it?)

It is. GBK just released Kosherat and there have been threads about NSBM popping up on message boards all over the place--would almost seem like a street team strategy if they were not too kvlt for such marketing tactics. For the most part, the response to these threads have been in favor of the idea of live and let National Socialists be National Socialsts because:

1. Lyrics do not matter as long as the music is good (music appreciation thesis).

2. Lyrics do not matter because you can't make out what most bands are saying anyway (too lazy to look at insert thesis).

3. Lyrics do not matter because we live in an age where ideologies are inconsequential (postmodern thesis).

4. Lyrics do not matter because I burnt this off of soulseek and am not supporting the NS ideology with my hard-earned dollars (paycheck thesis).

5. Lyrics do not matter because there are plenty of bands attacking Christianity and Judaism is just another religion (equal opportunity thesis).

And so it goes...I have no hard evidence but there are probably more people listening to NSBM now than at any point in the past.

 

[Occam's Razor]

It has been a big deal in Germany for some time due to this kid from the band Absurd that killed a school mate. He is, I believe, taking shelter in the US and gets support from the nazis there, which seem to be not only disorganized strays but well-structured circles with radical veterans behind them.

In Germany nazi parties have distributed free CDs with skinhead music on schoolyards...the good old pied piper way - how sick is this, going for children to gain supporters?

 

[Jim LotFP]

It is. GBK just released Kosherat

What are their real names, I wonder? In the past there has been cross-pollination between these kinds of bands and more traditional metal bands in their area. Unfortunately the promotional materials and the message board exchange that were proof of this are all long gone and I can't remember for sure who either band in question was. (Metal Archives shows a GBK-Doomstone link, and an Arghoslent-Twisted Tower Dire link...)

For the most part, the response to these threads have been in favor of the idea of live and let National Socialists be National Socialsts because

But they're not "letting" these idiots "be". That's what drives me nuts. They are accepting these bands in, treating them and their views as equal to anything else.

2. Lyrics do not matter because you can't make out what most bands are saying anyway (too lazy to look at insert thesis).

... these same people probably roll their eyes when "outsiders" complain about extreme vocal styles. We know the complaints. "What is the point of singing like that if nobody can understand you?" Great smokescreen.

3. Lyrics do not matter because we live in an age where ideologies are inconsequential (postmodern thesis).

I really hope this is an internet-only argument and that these people don't walk around in this nondiscriminitory haze in real life. But this is at least a valid reason for listening. If someone really doesn't care, they don't care. Not half as frustrating as this next one:

4. Lyrics do not matter because I burnt this off of soulseek and am not supporting the NS ideology with my hard-earned dollars (paycheck thesis).

Wow. I don't even understand how this makes sense. Supporting 'the bad people' (which they must think if they're making excuses like this) is OK as long as it's not financial support. wooooo. I don't know who I respect less, racists or apologists.

5. Lyrics do not matter because there are plenty of bands attacking Christianity and Judaism is just another religion (equal opportunity thesis).

This is a difficult one, I think.

Attacking Judaism, as a religion, is indeed the same as attacking Christianity, as a religion. Criticizing (in words) thoughts, beliefs, practices, and philosophies is not only acceptable, but desirable in a free society. Thought should be be frozen in time.

Criticizing people for the way they are born is not acceptable.

Do we really think a scene called National Socialist Black Metal is focusing on the spiritual or philosophical beliefs of people? I don't.

...I'm tempted to wonder if there is a separation within the Jewish community between Jewish ethnicity and the Jewish religion, but I fear that may cause trouble. Hell, I wonder that when it comes to Arabs and Muslims. Religion is a choice, ethnicity is not, but when a group ties its ethnicity to belief, there are going to be problems. I wonder if the entire world thinks "white = Christian" except for us white, non-Christian folks.

I feel pooey about this whole situation. A whole world concerned about 'us vs them' when the entire concept of 'us' isn't even something you can choose.

The answers, obviously, are for people to stop believing in any religion, and only breed with people of different skin color. In a generation, problem solved.

 

[BenMech]

(snip)Attacking Judaism, as a religion, is indeed the same as attacking Christianity, as a religion. Criticizing (in words) thoughts, beliefs, practices, and philosophies is not only acceptable, but desirable in a free society. Thought should be be frozen in time.

Criticizing people for the way they are born is not acceptable.

Do we really think a scene called National Socialist Black Metal is focusing on the spiritual or philosophical beliefs of people? I don't.

...I'm tempted to wonder if there is a separation within the Jewish community between Jewish ethnicity and the Jewish religion, but I fear that may cause trouble.(snip)

FWIW, yes there is a separation. Ethnicity (a misnomer really) for Jews is hereditary. Being religious is voluntary. I think you know how UNreligious I am, and yet, I will always be Jewish by way of family.

What drives ME nuts is when the fan/apologist proclaims "the Judeo/Christian religion."

There is a recent multipage NSBM thread at Bravewords which tickles some of these points.

 

[BenMech]

The answers, obviously, are for people to stop believing in any religion, and only breed with people of different skin color. In a generation, problem solved.

Susanna's lacking melenin. Your point again?

 

[Jim LotFP]

Susanna's lacking melenin. Your point again?

My job is just to point out what needs to be done. Not to actually do it.

 

[DBB]

In the past there has been cross-pollination between these kinds of bands and more traditional metal bands in their area.

GBK was not always a NSBM band. A new singer was brought into the fold and the lyrical direction changed after the band had been in existence for some time.

This is a difficult one, I think.

Indeed. I need to do a quite a bit of thinking about this one myself. But there is a difference between a violent and coarse anti-clericalism and using a religion as a springboard to preach a doctrine of indiscriminate hate based on a circumscribed national identity.

 

[Occam's Razor]

They are idiots if they let a new singer decide on a political ideology.

The problem with attacking the Jewish religion is that it is done in all cases with reference to the holocaust. None of these bands propagating anti-Judaism do it to insult religious feelings, but the Jews as a people with direct reference to their past.

Anybody attacking Judaism should be aware of this, so it is done for a reason.
Compared to this, railing against Christianity is much more neutral, because there is no connection with a specific country, race, ethnicity or whatever you may call it.

Not that it is a smarter way of rebelling...

 

[Laeth MacLaurie]

The problem with NSBM as a whole is that it is fundamentally akin to propaganda, and as such, is anti-art. It isn't concerned with expression or with ideas in any real sense, rather, it is concerned with making the right gestures and cloaking itself in the right symbols and bludgeoning the world with its own purity. So what you get in the end is Grand Belial's Key, who make trite, insipid bar rock and try to hide it behind a veneer of swastikas, press releases, sloganeering and corpsepaint. But you know what? It might as well be Lenny Kravitz.

 

[Occam's Razor]

...says the insider, eh?

 

[Laeth MacLaurie]

Because, after all, listening to a handful of bands idiots wrongly associate with NSBM makes me a real insider, eh?

 

[Occam's Razor]

Again, your signature lets me assume that you are from that field...it is just insulting - let someone from the country where this all happened tell you for sure!

Moreover, could it be that those bands "wrongly associated" to nazi black metal just sport the same intellectual guises fascist-parties and other modern-day-totalitarians like to wear to fool people into their ideologies?

Or do you mean bands like Marduk, for example, that keep using provocative imagery and dodge concrete statements concerning the right-wing-audiences they have...maybe not to lose those certain fans?

I believe, if you are serious as a band about where you stand, there can be no misunderstanding: just say: "no, we are not nazis".

What band that has done this has ever been accused afterwards? - I don't know, but maybe you have some examples...

 

[Laeth MacLaurie]

NSBM refers specifically to bands who openly espouse National Socialism through their music. Having NS or NS related personal beliefs doesn't make a band NSBM, any more than it makes Carmina Burana "National Socialist Choral Music" (NSCM?). The distinction is pretty obvious, Grand Belial's Key and recent vintage Absurd are NSBM. Burzum and Graveland aren't.

 

[Occam's Razor]

But what is left when you take the ideology away: Absurd is musically speaking a lot more punk-sounding then what I would call black metal. GBK I don't know. So the music is insignificant, it is just politics that wants to allure listeners for its purposes ("vintage" Absurd sounds ridiculous - I do not consider that serious art: a pretense to blurt out paroles).

I'd agree with your differentiation overall, and you have deftly evaded my indirect request about your personal stance...

 

[Jim LotFP]

So the music is insignificant, it is just politics that wants to allure listeners for its purposes

To be fair, a lot of left-leaning punk and grindcore does this very same thing.

I'd agree with your differentiation overall, and you have deftly evaded my indirect request about your personal stance...

If his personal stance is something we suspect we'd rather not talk about, then let's not bait...

 

[Laeth MacLaurie]

But what is left when you take the ideology away: Absurd is musically speaking a lot more punk-sounding then what I would call black metal.

Those influences were certainly always present (moreso now than ever as it has turned into the usual sloganeering white power bullshit rock), but not appreciably more on the first two albums than say, with early 90s DarkThrone, and these influences were mostly crust derived (and the long history of cross pollination between crust and metal is well documented, notably the powerful influence of and on Hellhammer/Celtic Frost).

So the music is insignificant, it is just politics that wants to allure listeners for its purposes

Thus "anti-art" and "propaganda."

I'd agree with your differentiation overall, and you have deftly evaded my indirect request about your personal stance...

I thought my personal stance on NSBM had been pretty clearly stated with my initial post in this thread.

 

[Occam's Razor]

I'm for open cards - stand for what you think, anything else is cowardice...

again the cliche, but under a fascist regime, we'd be the first to go - whether Burzum- or merely Metallica-fans...

 

[Laeth MacLaurie]

I'm for open cards - stand for what you think, anything else is cowardice...

Care to mention where I haven't?

again the cliche, but under a fascist regime, we'd be the first to go - whether Burzum- or merely Metallica-fans...

Because, after all, the first thing the NSDAP did when it achieved an electoral mandate was come for all the Schönberg fans...