In Memoria

[DoomsdayZach]

I've mentioned this to a few people here already, but i figured it may be a good topic to go into as well as share fond memories...

Yesterday at 11 am i got a call from my mom telling me that one of my close friends from middle school and high school had shot and killed himself. It was a bit of a shock, and really upsetting but at the same time, not entirely surprising. He always seemed to be kind of on the edge.

He was always somewhat picked on in school, and he was the "stinky one". every school has one. But he was a good kid. I remember hanging out and playing video games all day with him, having sleep overs and staying up waaaay late. All that kid stuff.

The last few days i haven't really known how to feel. I mean, i haven't talked to the kid in 5 years, but by the same token we were friends. I've gone through a lot of emotions, made some less than tasteful comments to friends (would i be me if i hadn't? None of it is malicious), but after spending the day talking to others who were friends of ours in high school, people who had remained in closer contact with him... it's been a tough day. Almost made it through the day without shedding a tear... damn

Also, my ex just pointed out that i was with Tom when her and I met for the first time. Rat bastard was trying to hit on her . He and i also got into metal around the same time, sharing new bands with each other, all that stuff. It's amazing what i've forgotten over the years, and i'm still a ripe young 22 year old.

I love you Tom my brother. Rest in peace, and I sincerely hope you found what you were looking for.

The point of this thread is not to get attention, condolences, etc. It's not a thread about me period, it's about remembering my friend. I know just about everyone here has some story about a relative, friend, or acquaintance that made an impact on their lives who have passed on. Anyone want to share any stories??

 

[Meedleyx10]

Sorry to hear about that

I've been fortunate in my life to have not yet lost anyone very close to me. A few more distant relatives, but nothing hitting TOO close to home. An uncle of mine who I used to be very close to attempted suicide once, the circumstances of which are part of why I'm not so close any more. We also had a really close friend of the family lose his wife (I didn't know her very well though) last summer which was absolutely heartbreaking.

 

[SilentRealm]

I don't really have any stories, except I had a friend in primary school who died of Leukaemia. It was strange because he was 'the popular one' in our little school, tall, handsome, sports star, polite AND intelligent. His name was Patrick Burns. We just noticed him getting paler and then he started being sick alot, and then he just never came back to school. It was nearly 20 years ago now actually.. strange how time flies.

Yesterday my landlord also died of a heart attack. I'd only met him once, but he seemed ok. It's very sad in itself, but it impacts us as we don't know now what's going to happen to us and our place now. Time will tell, but I hope he rests in peace and that his family is ok, and that things work out alright for everyone (including us) in the end.

 

[HackerX]

Early last year a friend I had known all through high school and kept in touch with after, crashed his car, clipped a guard rail and died instantly.

In a lot of ways he seems very much like your friend, and I honestly think Zach that you and him would have gotten on well (A /b/tard before his time). He was the link that got me onto the group of people who ended up getting me onto Prog (including Sym X) as well as personally putting me on to CoB, Iced Earth and a whole bunch of others. And for that I sincerely owe him.

All the best my friend.

 

[progmetaldan]

A few years ago, my mate died from a brain tumour. It wasn't really unexpected, but it still hit hard, cos before that I hadn't even lost a Grandparent or anything like that... I think it was the day of or before my birthday as well, so that's always interesting around that time...

 

[CantoX]

In 1998 my uncle was murdered by someone with a knife who cut his right arm, and where the person cut it got a vein or something and it wouldn't stop bleeding. It happened late at night and in the morning they found his body 10 feet away from a grocery store that he was trying to get to so that he could call for help or something.
My parents still have not told me why it happened though, maybe one day they will.

 

[Jax]

My condolences, Zach.

I have entirely too many death stories, I've had far more than my share of loss in my lifetime. From relatives (including both parents and all of my grandparents, as well as a couple of cousins who were far too young to die) to significant others (my boyfriend when I was age 15) to dear friends (my best friend who had just called from across the country to tell me she'd be my maid of honor when my now-ex and I married..& was killed later that day by a drunk driver..we named my daughter (who I was pregnant with at the time) after her)..way too many stories to tell here.

 

[Kenneth R.]

The worst one for me was a guy in high school, senior year. A lot of people liked him, but I didn't. I was a jerk to him the week before the incident happened. He and his brother stupidly tried to pass four cars on a two lane forest highway, and got in a head-on collision. They both died. I never got to apologize to him for being a loser, and at graduation his mother accepted the diploma he would have gotten.

A friend of mine from high school was an amazing pianist, composer, and film maker. He moved to California and had a bright future in the movie industry, but he and his dad were killed in a car accident there.

Last summer I had to spend long hours on the phone with my (ex) girlfriend because her aunt and cousin were hit by a car. The little girl ran into the street and they were both hit when the aunt tried to save her. The girl was killed and the aunt in a coma eventually died. It was hard for my ex to deal with.

My high school graduating class had really bad luck with cars. So many of us were killed doing stupid things in cars or by other people doing stupid things. A lot of accidents, a number of suicides. A good friend of mine who got me into metal was injured and sent home from Iraq. He was the lucky one, another guy I knew was killed in Afghanistan.

My drummer in my high school band, when he and the bassist and I were best friends and started music together, had found out he had brain cancer. I won't memorialize him here though, because I think he's beating it and I'm really proud of his positive attitude.

 

[J-Dubya 777]

Bummer,Zach....my condolences.

Like Jax, I have SO many death of firends past & present. Coming on the heels of my nirvana/suicide rant, I still say suicide is a coward's way out.
What sucks is that your friend didn't get the help he obviously needed, and there will always be the questions of what could have been.

A friend of mine whose band I worked with in the early 90's was killed in Mexico avoiding a head on crash on his motorcycle. He was recently getting over the loss of his wife (way too young) to cancer and went on a trip to Mexico with some friends, and I believe one of his brothers. Great guy, funny as fuck, and a very good drummer.

There was a guy who was in some ways the "stinky kid", and a friend of mine in HS, got picked on all the time, etc. I was saddened to find out that he got his shit together, became a doctor, only to be pass away FAR too young due to a brain tumor.

You never know when your number gets called, and that's why no matter how shitty things are in life at times, you have to keep going, and enjoy the good things life has to offer.

 

[Kenneth R.]

Yeah... somehow that makes my current signature really appropriate. Ironically about the picked-on kid, that was me in my school...

 

[DoomsdayZach]

Coming on the heels of my nirvana/suicide rant, I still say suicide is a coward's way out.
What sucks is that your friend didn't get the help he obviously needed, and there will always be the questions of what could have been.

There's a lot of difficult emotions because i totally agree with you on the fact that suicide really should never be an option. Also, he didn't reach out to any of his friends for help, so no one could have known. I've had friends who feel the same about suicide sort of try to keep their mouths shut and i completely encourage them to say how they really feel because i don't feel like it's tarnishing his memory in any way.

It's really sad to hear about all of the sad things that happen to people who are at least mostly good, but at the end of the day i can't help but get a chuckle thinking of all the good stuff and fun memories. Hopefully everyone else does the same.

 

[OfSinsAndShred]

Zach, I already talked to you about your friend. It totally sucks, friends committing suicide is one of the worst things that can happen.

Everyone else - wow, those are some terrible stories. Makes me thankful that I haven't had much of those kind of losses in my life. You guys are tough for getting through that kind of stuff.

Also, a few things:
-My phone always turns the ringer on and on the loudest setting when I plug it into charge. I dunno why, but it does. So I'm reading Zach's first post, and right near the end of it, "It's Time to Party" by Andrew W.K. starts blasting right in my face. It was the most inappropriate thing ever.
-I was looking for a screenshot from Wayne's World where he says, "I promised myself I wouldn't cry," but then I thought better of it.

 

[razoredge]

Im sorry to hear that man, I've been there, not suicide but great loss.

My Mother in '70 at 36 years of age, brain tumor, I was 12
Dad 15 years ago at 67 I still felt he got ripped off it was basically blood cancer of the white cells. A form of - excuse my spelling - Lukemia
and of course all grandparents but Moms dad lived to be 94 so that was kinda cool.

I just suffered the biggest loss and first really close friend that ever died. Todd Duke - he was my bass player, vocalist and song writing collaborator in my last band about 15 years ago. I felt he was my musical soulmate we were both equally into what we were doing and worked well together. We had done over an hours worth of fairly decent stuff when we ran out of places to practice and everything just fell apart. He died about a month ago at the age of 38. Just a month after we had mentally commited ourselfs to at least get the stuff finally on tracks with all the new recording possibilities. We both had heavy leanings toward progressive stuff with my really old influences and his 80's influences, like Maiden and Fates Warning, he turned me on to them in fact cause at that time in my life I was oblivious to anything that didnt get air play. Then later I turned him onto D T & S X. We both just loved music that told a story and painted a picture. Besides that he was an ace, his enthousiasm was invigorating, he was down right silly and refused to grow up. Very painful and I still dont know what to think of it. He never took care of himself healthwise and apparently had pneumonia and multiple heart attacks but its all still so vague and no one really understands.

At his funeral our drummer sang and I played the acoustical into to one of our old "epic" pieces that Todd wrote. Then I proudly stood at his grave and recited this thing I wrote. People said they didnt understand how I could do it and keep it together, I told them for Todd I would do anything and this was not nearly enough. They all were freaked and said later it sounded just like Todd, I said "I know, he was my Brother". This not only pays tribute to Todd, but also Kansas, Rush and Savatage, so yes, if you catch site of them they were intentional.

I Bow Before You

Another brother has passed beyond
dreams wrought Iron gait
No longer bound to worldly things
need not yield … “wait”

Today a fallen soldier
no longer needs to fight
Wield his sword, need not no more
for what he believes is right

I bow before you on this day
all fathers wayward sons
For carry on, it is you must
till your days too are done

Look far and wide this solemn day
take its presence in
Breathe deeply then just hold it
for a moment … remembering when …

Senses dulled … denial walls
now thirst for glimpse of light
Drink deeply from this cup of tea
we’ve dearly titled “life”

I offer this to you my friends
for what it might be worth
The time is short and bitter sweet
we trod upon this earth​

 

[J-Dubya 777]

There's a lot of difficult emotions because i totally agree with you on the fact that suicide really should never be an option. Also, he didn't reach out to any of his friends for help, so no one could have known. I've had friends who feel the same about suicide sort of try to keep their mouths shut and i completely encourage them to say how they really feel because i don't feel like it's tarnishing his memory in any way.

It's really sad to hear about all of the sad things that happen to people who are at least mostly good, but at the end of the day i can't help but get a chuckle thinking of all the good stuff and fun memories. Hopefully everyone else does the same.

I was worried about coming off too "hard" about it, but at least you understand where I'm coming from. As far as getting help, you are 100% right, not everyone gives off signs of suicidal behavior, I just meant it's sad he didn't confide in someoneone just once, and have that person try to get him some help.

Remembering the good things, and fun/funny shit helps preserve the memories, and I do it all the time. Just this weekend a friend & fellow bandmate of our deceased drummer were talking about him, and laughing at the crazy shit...