Is this trainwreck on the right track?

[MOSHWITZ]

Sup?


I was dickin around this morning writing this riff and worked this up.
I'm just trying to get the starting point of the mix laid out and was curious what some better ears thought it might need to get it going in the right direction.

The clip is short, The riffin is a little sloppy and loose, but they are just scratch tracks for now,,, but how does the overall mix sound? I have a few thoughts, but what do you think? what are some points to tweak up?

Any thoughts and critique's would be most appreciated.



MOSHON
DAVE

 

[MOSHWITZ]

Sup?

It was mentioned to me that the kicks were a little low so I brought them up just a couple db on the Kick comp make up gain and at first was concerned that they might be aproching being too loud or disconnected, but they seem to cut through a little better.



I also upped it to soundclick cause the soundcloud trans-coding seems to add a little washy sound to the hi's...maybe it's just me , but have a listen to this one also and see if there is any difference to you..
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12223865


Can someone give this one a listen for what it is, and tell me if you here any trouble areas I need to work on. Can you hear the bass? does it sit ok with the guitars/ drums? or is there anything not jiving with or masking something else? I'm not really concerned about the riffs themselves, as they are just scratch riffs of me dickin around,And I know if I tracked them tighter they would help solidify everything together more. As they are, the whole thing is just an exercise in itself to me, but does the overall mix sound passably decent and I'm on the right track, or does it sound like shit and I should start over?

I'm just looking for some fresh and better ears to help me in the right direction and see if I'm using what I'm learning ( I think) here and form Ermz book correctly or what.

Thanks ahead guy's I'd really appreciate pointers/tips/critiques.

MOSHON
DAVE

 

[MOSHWITZ]

Sup?

It was also mentioned that the bass was getting a little lost, so I brought the bass up a couple db's also. Have a listen and see if this is better/ too loud/ not enough,,or??? etc. I have a thought about it what it is, but lets see what y'all hear first


http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12229906

MOSHON
DAVE

 

[[Prime]]

Kick sounds better to me. The bass is ok...but doesn't really shine in the mix to my ears. Reminds me of old strings.