Just for conversation's sake

[FuSoYa]

Say you were in an instance where you and a group of your friends needed to be in NYC, 4.5 hrs away, on Wednesday morning, and you yourself had a friend who is letting you and as many people as you want crash at her place Tuesday night so you don't have to make the drive super-early Wednesday... Also, you have a car and are planning on driving.

You don't know how your friends are getting to NYC or when. So, the question: if they don't call you and try to arrange something, are you a dick for not calling them and asking them if they want a) a ride and b) to crash at your friend's place tuesday night? Like since they don't get in touch with you, is it OK for you to assume that arrangements for the trip are on a free-for-all, individual, etc basis?

 

[avi]

if I was your friend and you didn't call me, I'd feel kinda burnt I think. Especially if it's totally ok for you to bring friends to the crashpad (but you'd rather not).

 

[FuSoYa]

I understand that, but shouldn't they have some kind of responsibility to check and see what everyone is doing? I mean it's like they are giving off the attitude that they don't care what everyone else does, so why should I go out of my way to care what they do?

 

[avi]

shouldn't you have the same responsibility though? Maybe I'm confused since I might not fully understand the situation, but I don't see how you're different from the other folks. At the very least, I'd tell em what you're planning to do.

 

[FuSoYa]

I guess you're right.

 

[minxnim]

what avi said. some people just sort of hope/assume other people will come up with a plan. so you should tell them what yours is at least.

 

[FuSoYa]

Just once I would like someone else to be the first one to speak up, though.

 

[lizard]

this kinda thing happened to me going to a three night stand by the Dead in Philly.
my old college roommate lives in philly and he said, sure, c'mon down, you can crash here. well before I knew it, seven other people all were caravaning from IL to Philly and I didn't have the spine to say, you five or so need to find a Days Inn or something. all eight of us crashed at his house behaving like stinking bohemians, and I lost a friend for life because I was afraid of offending the others.

 

[FuSoYa]

that sucks dude

this sitch is more like, they are totally welcome to crash but I would just like to not feel like I have to wipe everyone's asses for them. I mean, it is healthy to just let people be on their own and not have to keep everything so together, right? I just saw Finding Nemo last night and this was an important theme.

 

[lizard]

there are often deep lessons to be learned from animated features. hakuna matata.

yup having to bear all the responsibility is a giant anchor. I much prefer to be completely lightweight and irresponsible

 

[avi]

i blame the Dead for that one

 

[FuSoYa]

haha! wait.. was that "deep lessons" thing a pun on the fact that this movie was UNDERWATER?

 

[avi]

dude, if you present to em like "I'm doing so-and-so for my plan. How do you wanna meet up later on?" it might take the heat off.

 

[minxnim]

you must be the designated 'plan' person. does this usually happen to you? it happens to me. like, people call me to see what's going on and i am always clueless so i wing it.

 

[chupe666]

i have the same fatherly feeling every time a band comes through and on stage they say "hey, we need a place to crash- can anyone help us out?" i can't imagine going to a city and not having someplace to sleep or at least an awake & lucid driver to get us out of said city. maybe i'm not rock n roll enough.
sometimes i feel like i have to organize things like this for everyone or else they'll end up sleeping on the street atop a homeless guy with a nice hat- but they always seem to live through it.

i guess maybe mention it to them like tonight and if they don't have plans already, they're extremely lazy. i hate when ppl just expect someone else to set things like accomodations up for them.
you could also just send them the priceline.com link.

 

[chupe666]

dude, if you present to em like "I'm doing so-and-so for my plan. How do you wanna meet up later on?" it might take the heat off.

this could work well. then if they ask where you're staying and if there's room for them, charge them for room, board, and accomodation finding fee.

 

[deadair]

toby, i feel for you... i'm that guy too.

i just want to shake most of my friends by the neck... "YOU ARE A FUCKING 25 YEAR OLD... TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF".

but at the same time i harbor the same feelings eric does about touring bands....

 

[minxnim]

is that homeless guy w/ the nice hat reference about my friend with the decent looking bowler hat? if so, SWEET!

 

[chupe666]

is that homeless guy w/ the nice hat reference about my friend with the decent looking bowler hat? if so, SWEET!

you knowz it. i got a mind like a steel- something.

 

[minxnim]

NICE!

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