lMFAO aT THE kOS aNGELES SHERIFFS DELARTMENT

Reign in Acai

Reign in Acai

Of Elephant and Man
Jun 25, 2003
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Favela of My Dismay
lmfao!@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


So nad appear5 wieth his oman to katatonis ah\nd it was a festi val for the agesAfter the sahow qe arrived to the parking structiure a quetrer mile down the styree t and we eeer wattemptin to sober up n\until a f\and aI do mean FAY pRKINF Aattendinent pproach my vehocle approachinf my vebhicle attemptimpting to pull her hadn in the matter. She pproach my joly[oy and requesuted for us to pick up a trasj receptavclkle that either Mike or I tkipped over in the fray, which Mike complied with. At that point w ethought it was all said and done until the Los angeles Sheriiffs department arrived on scene adn throwew us in the back of their nsquqad cars. LMDAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2We thought we were boign g to have to fight <redacted> tognight untul they eventual;ky let us free and let us leavbe intoxicatyed. Bitch was ghastly to m sense. s I puked in my mouth anhd shat on my underoos at the pure sight of hrel After dceaing wit the sheriffs for a good 10 minutes they let us free to laugh at th eparking attendantsS IUNPETITUDW, . Lmfao fyuck that fat bicth!! <redacted>!! dfat hairy bitch needs to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Arghislewnt Arghislent argho.lsenty. We should really be in jail rivght now lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh shit what a night!!
 
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;fmfao We should be fighting my pals sright now in a jil cell. Lmfao fuck that fat fucking parking attendiant . Fuck yo you cunt... Ehat a fog dDam night!!!
 
Ride home conversation:

"Well, we only have about 20 miles to go, but at least I'm sober now."
"Oh, good.

It was the Cheetos and Monster Slim Jim that helped.
 
O.K I'm sober but feel like Oranthal J. Simpson at a celebrity golf tournament. Good God, did someone kick me in the lumbar last night?!?! It's throbbing like Hell Awaits Us All's Armenian biceps after a set of preacher curls. As for my head, it is pounding like Mrs. Bender after a Calloway Auto parts Convention on brake pads. Good Christ make the pain go away!!!

To sum up the incoherent mess that I posted above...

We left the venue after Katatonia's performance and traversed half a mile up the hill to the parking structure where earlier that night we were drinking in the name of everything that is unholy. Upon arrival to the multi level sub-ground structure we enter my ghetto fabulous jalopy, three sheets to the wind and four to the kindle. At that precise moment in time we heard a rustling in the bushes. "Hark, who goes thar?” we shouted in to the night. This fat bitch tipping the scales around 300 pounds approaches my vehicle with indignation, "Would you mind picking up that trash can you kicked over?" Apparently I pushed, kicked, or prodded a trash receptacle on to its side somewhere along our voyage. In all honesty, I do not have any recollection towards this specific transgression, as our reign of terror was half a mile in length and 10 yards across.

We didn’t know who this bitch was,. we figured she was just a nosy citizen who contributed monthly donations to Green Peace. Well to cut to the chase, Mike picks up the trash and I begin driving off in to the Moon set. That is until we reached the attendant's booth and see this same corpulent cunt glaring us in the face. We pay the God damn parking fee, and the Bitch will still not let us out of the structure. I know for certain that there are laws against this (though I'm in no condition to look up the specifics at the moment). This living breathing bag of Fritos has the audacity to say that L.A Sheriff’s Department is on their way to take care of the situation. We pleaded for several seconds, stating that we complied with everything that she had asked from us. But the bucket wielding seal sternly stood her ground and refused to let us pass. It was at this moment where I called the bitch a cunt. :lol: Repeatedly :lol:

“What should we do, what should we do?!?!” I do not need a DUI, we do not need citations for public intoxication, and we sure do not need to be fighting negars for cot space in L.A County jail. So we decided to reverse the vehicle and drive down 2 levels to collect our thoughts. I attempted to persuade Mike and Luann to leave the scene of the crime, as no arrests could be made if we walked the streets for a bit to get our wits about ourselves. The objective all along from what I recall, was to sit in the vehicle until I was sober enough to drive. That plan went S.N.A.F.U the moment said whore encroached upon our freedoms of public detoxification.

I ran up to the alley the moment that L.A.S.D arrived on scene, but noticed Luann and Mike were stuck in their cross hairs. I attempted to return, but the God damn door to the lot was sealed shut. So I banged furiously on the entrance, as any respecting metal head would not leave friends during such a debacle. This cunt Sheriffs deputy eventually lets me in and they throw Mike and me in the back of two perpendicularly parked squad vehicles. I’m thinking, “O.K great, we just finished conducting multiple Arghoslent chants in between Katatonia songs and now we’re going to be thrown to the nigrescent wolves to do battle in honor of our ancestors.” I pleaded with the cunt deputy, and posed the question of whether or not it is a crime to imbibe furiously and then return to your vehicle to recover? To this she had no firm reply.

To make a long story short, the Sheriffs gave the keys to Mrs. Hill who was blitzed like an N.F.L quarterback with an incompetent offensive line and we then drove off in to the night. But not before Mike smiled and waved in mockery at the attendant who stood there with bread crumbs spouting from a blow hole which marked the oxygen pathway that enables buoyancy in times of torrential sweat.
 
I openly LOL'd about 3 times while reading that. Glad everyone made it home.

The last sentence might be your greatest achievement yet. Fucking christ. :lol:
 
Reign in Acai said:
I pleaded with the cunt deputy, and posed the question of whether or not it is a crime to imbibe furiously and then return to your vehicle to recover? To this she had no firm reply.
Click to expand...

In canada yep, being in the car implies intent to drive. Even if the KEYS are not in the car.

In Europe (germany/finland/belgium), just stagger around until you can see straight... or take a night bus/train.

SOunds like a great night.
 
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