Making a wedding speech

[Winmar]

I'm gonna be the best man at my best mate's wedding on Nov 8, so have gotta make a speech. There's gonna be around 150 people there, so it needs to be reasonable. No mention of us going round chasing chicks as teenagers for starters.

For those of you with wedding experience, what does the best man usually say? I want to say something reasonable without making an arse of myself!

 

[Mark]

My best man speech was mumbled into my chest, thanking the brides maids, welcoming the bride to the family (it was my older brother's wedding). That's about it.

Spiff's one (when he was my best man) was much, much better. He read out emails, telegrams and shit, and said some other stuff that I can't recall except that I remember it being funny. Hmm...

I hate giving speeches

 

[Spiff]

I struggled with my speech. There were too many old people in the audience for me to let loose with some hilarious one-liners, so I had to settle for a normal speech. And I kept stuffing up the word "begrudgingly".

 

[Spruce Goose]

I reckon throw in some funny proverbs and shit.

Like:

Remember Guys, a Bike can't stand on it's own because its two tired.

OR


He who farts in church sits in own pew.

Whenever one of my mates has a 21st or something, whoever does the speech just makes something up about this fictional guy called George. Its usually some fuckin weird ass story and noone has a clue what the fuck it has to do with anything except for the people who know that George is not real. Pretty gay, but funny.

 

[Spruce Goose]

And.... Whenever we have a birthday and its time to sing happy birthday.... There is always this one guy in our group... Call him the clown of the group if you will.... But anyway, after the song finishes and its time to do the HIP HIP part..... He always says it the loudest to make sure that he gets it. So it goes like this:

Clown: HIP HIP

Everyone: HOORAY

Clown: HIP HIP

Everyone: HOORAY

Clown:...............

hahaha... he never says the 3rd hip hip, so all the old relatives and people not in our group just go... What the fuck?!?! You should try it out at yuor next party. Its a crack up. Only my group knows that there will only be 2 Hip Hip's, but its funny everytime. The rest of the crowd just keeps on hanging on for the 3rd HIP HIP that never comes. ahh shit

 

[Spruce Goose]

Here Winny:

http://www.thebestmanspeech.com/linesdatabase.cfm?tab3=bsmd_topdatabase_on.gif

 

[Winmar]

Pisser!

Thanks for the link, Spruce!

Haha how'd you use the word begrudgingly so many times, Spiff?!

 

[KoichCPA]

It's my sister's wedding this weekend, I'm going to make a speech, oh yes, I'm going to make an awesome speech

whilst drunk.


I swear alot when I'm drunk

 

[Spiff]

I only used it once, Winnie, but struggled to get it out. I think I was talking about the typical things I was supposed to say, like welcoming the bride to the family, and saying what a great guy Mark was, "which I do so begrudgingly".

 

[Shannow]

When I was best man for my brother, I had the speech down pat. had rehearsed (in his presence) what I was gonna say, "lovely bridesmaids etc etc".

Then the bastard used it almost word for word.

I was fucked.

Mumbled some shit or other, and completely messed it up.

 

[Winmar]

Bugger! Why the hell did he do that?

Ah, I see what you mean, Spiffo!

How long are best man speeches meant to go for?

 

[Shannow]

I think that he did it because he hates speaches also.

So the first thing that hit his head was the words that he'd heard in the lead-up.

 

[Arcane]

I went through this terrifying ordeal about 3 weeks ago.


I found the a lot of inspiration at www.hitched.co.uk - pretty much the best of the sites out there!

 

[Winmar]

Thanks Arcane! How long did you speak for? Is that you on the left or right of the photo?

That must have been one tremendous pain in the arse for you, Shannow!

 

[Spiff]

www.mygroovywedding.com is a decent wedding site, apparently, and was also mentioned to great effect in my best man's speech at Mark & Bev's wedding.

 

[Winmar]

Tah Spiffos!

 

[dreamwatch]

Great link there Spiff. Spiffs speech lasted an hour or there abouts and was really very funny. I particularly liked the anecdote about how Spiff and Mark used to cruise the bars in Brisvegas in a suped up Torana looking for hookers when they were wee lads.

 

[Spiff]

The story about Mark walking drunkenly around a retirement village at 10 in the morning wearing nothing but a sash saying "Miss Queensland 1994" went down well too.

 

[Winmar]

I wish I'd been there to see that one.

Damn this, my thesis is due on Friday, and the wedding's on Saturday. Doesn't give much time to think about it really....

 

[JonBonJovi]

At our wedding it wasn't the best man that said stuff that could be seen as rude or embarrassing it was the two mothers...Brian's mother said that basicly that Brian up until me has continuosly brought home immature young girls. My mother pulled out a jewelry pouch and gave it to Brian and inside she had put a couple of finger "condoms" from the surgery she works at and said "you might find these usefull".