The story is, there's a beautiful princess trapped in a castle guarded by a dragon. This is how the story would play out, depending on the metal genre of the knight:
POWER METAL: The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
THRASH METAL: The protagonist arrives, slays the dragon, saves the princess and ****s her.
HEAVY / CLASSIC METAL: The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and ****s the princess.
FOLK METAL: The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls sleep (because of all the dancing). Then they all leave without the princess.
VIKING METAL: The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty battleaxe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
DEATH METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, ****s the princess and kills her, then leaves.
BRUTAL DEATH METAL: The knight arrives, kills the dragon, kills the princess and THEN ****s her.
BLACK METAL: The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomises the princess, and drinks her blood in a ritual. Next he impales the princess next to the dragon, sacrificing her to Satan.
SYMPHONIC BLACK METAL: The same thing but smoothly...
GORE METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads its entrails in front of the castle, ****s the princess and kills her. Then he ****s the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he ****s the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and ****s it again.
DOOM METAL: The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.
PROGRESSIVE (PROG) METAL: The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives at the princess's bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year at the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the HEAVY METAL protagonist.
SPEED METAL: Knight-kill-dragon-save-princess-****-her.
HARD ROCK: The knight arrives, wearing a pair of shorts with a cap. The princess, disgusted, runs away.
HAIR METAL The knight arrives with a 1980's hairstyle, sends a kiss to the princess and is crushed by the dragon.
INDUSTRIAL METAL: The knight arrives in a suspender belt, does obscenes gestures with the dragon, and is thrown out of the castle by the safety crew.
GOTHIC METAL: The knight arrives and kills the dragon. The princess falls in love with him, he marries her, the king gives him the kingdom, he is the hero of the people, he commits suicide without it being known why.
GOTHIC METAL WITH FEMALE SINGER: She charms the dragon by her songs, arrives in front of the princess, steals her dress from her, her palace from her, and waits for the drummer of her band to come and **** her.
ALTERNATIVE METAL: The knight arrives, refuses to conform to the system, says "**** you" to the princess and sets off again.
ATMOSPHERIC METAL: The scales of the dragon sparkle the moonlight, the princess lays at her balcony and stares at the skyline with melancholy, the air blows gently in the trees. No knight.
GLAM METAL: The knight arrives late after putting on make-up for 3 hours, enters while the dragon is laughing to death at his sight, steals the make-up off the princess and paints the walls of the castle in pink.
GRIND METAL: The knight arrives, shouts something perfectly incomprehensible during 2 minutes and sets off again.
NU METAL: The protagonist rocks up with hat backwards and baggy pants whilst playing a 1 string guitar riff. The dragon laughs then ****s his ass. Then the princess and the dragon run off to find a tech death metaler for a kinky gangbang.
NEO METAL: The knight arrives, he's scared when he sees the dragon so he stays in front of the moat, making obscene gestures at the princess. Then he goes back into the woods to masturbate.
POWER METAL: The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
THRASH METAL: The protagonist arrives, slays the dragon, saves the princess and ****s her.
HEAVY / CLASSIC METAL: The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and ****s the princess.
FOLK METAL: The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls sleep (because of all the dancing). Then they all leave without the princess.
VIKING METAL: The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty battleaxe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
DEATH METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, ****s the princess and kills her, then leaves.
BRUTAL DEATH METAL: The knight arrives, kills the dragon, kills the princess and THEN ****s her.
BLACK METAL: The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomises the princess, and drinks her blood in a ritual. Next he impales the princess next to the dragon, sacrificing her to Satan.
SYMPHONIC BLACK METAL: The same thing but smoothly...
GORE METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads its entrails in front of the castle, ****s the princess and kills her. Then he ****s the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he ****s the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and ****s it again.
DOOM METAL: The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.
PROGRESSIVE (PROG) METAL: The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives at the princess's bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year at the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the HEAVY METAL protagonist.
SPEED METAL: Knight-kill-dragon-save-princess-****-her.
HARD ROCK: The knight arrives, wearing a pair of shorts with a cap. The princess, disgusted, runs away.
HAIR METAL The knight arrives with a 1980's hairstyle, sends a kiss to the princess and is crushed by the dragon.
INDUSTRIAL METAL: The knight arrives in a suspender belt, does obscenes gestures with the dragon, and is thrown out of the castle by the safety crew.
GOTHIC METAL: The knight arrives and kills the dragon. The princess falls in love with him, he marries her, the king gives him the kingdom, he is the hero of the people, he commits suicide without it being known why.
GOTHIC METAL WITH FEMALE SINGER: She charms the dragon by her songs, arrives in front of the princess, steals her dress from her, her palace from her, and waits for the drummer of her band to come and **** her.
ALTERNATIVE METAL: The knight arrives, refuses to conform to the system, says "**** you" to the princess and sets off again.
ATMOSPHERIC METAL: The scales of the dragon sparkle the moonlight, the princess lays at her balcony and stares at the skyline with melancholy, the air blows gently in the trees. No knight.
GLAM METAL: The knight arrives late after putting on make-up for 3 hours, enters while the dragon is laughing to death at his sight, steals the make-up off the princess and paints the walls of the castle in pink.
GRIND METAL: The knight arrives, shouts something perfectly incomprehensible during 2 minutes and sets off again.
NU METAL: The protagonist rocks up with hat backwards and baggy pants whilst playing a 1 string guitar riff. The dragon laughs then ****s his ass. Then the princess and the dragon run off to find a tech death metaler for a kinky gangbang.
NEO METAL: The knight arrives, he's scared when he sees the dragon so he stays in front of the moat, making obscene gestures at the princess. Then he goes back into the woods to masturbate.
Never fails to amuse though, it can be cause for great conversations
