Everyone's favorite site for curmudgeonly hipsterisms has at last deigned BLD worthy of review, and they don't disappoint!
Link (For those that want it.)
Embedded within this awe-inspiring tract are such delights as:
"...sounding...like Spiritualized Slint soap operas...."
"...'Clelia Walking' intimates tension through its drums..." (You mean...it's not actually tense?)
"...an instrumental and two short numbers do little more than maintain the record's tepid temperament." (Nice alliteration! 8000 points!)
"'Symmetrical Arizona'...suggests a rockist Varèse...ut it's not enough to counter the previous half-hour or suggest more than Grizzly Bear making a (polite) left turn." (Varèse -> Grizzly Bear; talk about left turns! Wiiiiiipeout.)
And lastly, you know they really hate your album when the invoke the name of any member of Mars Volta:
"Lyrically, Lambency is a Cedric Bixler-Zavala-sized wreck, full of political quips too vague to register and elliptical discursions that hinge weakly on phrases like 'bifurcated ammonites' and 'tiffany redoubts.'"
But listen guys, don't lose hope quite yet. He still manages to make a Jeff Buckley in the second-to-last sentence.
"His best Jeff Buckley is graceless and unconvincing, the deliverance of his words seemingly more important than the manner in which they're delivered."
I think that means he wants to pork you like pig, Toby.
Summary Judgment: A+
Link (For those that want it.)
Embedded within this awe-inspiring tract are such delights as:
"...sounding...like Spiritualized Slint soap operas...."
"...'Clelia Walking' intimates tension through its drums..." (You mean...it's not actually tense?)
"...an instrumental and two short numbers do little more than maintain the record's tepid temperament." (Nice alliteration! 8000 points!)
"'Symmetrical Arizona'...suggests a rockist Varèse...ut it's not enough to counter the previous half-hour or suggest more than Grizzly Bear making a (polite) left turn." (Varèse -> Grizzly Bear; talk about left turns! Wiiiiiipeout.)
And lastly, you know they really hate your album when the invoke the name of any member of Mars Volta:
"Lyrically, Lambency is a Cedric Bixler-Zavala-sized wreck, full of political quips too vague to register and elliptical discursions that hinge weakly on phrases like 'bifurcated ammonites' and 'tiffany redoubts.'"
But listen guys, don't lose hope quite yet. He still manages to make a Jeff Buckley in the second-to-last sentence.
"His best Jeff Buckley is graceless and unconvincing, the deliverance of his words seemingly more important than the manner in which they're delivered."
I think that means he wants to pork you like pig, Toby.
Summary Judgment: A+