My Favorite BLD Review (EVAR!!!)

metaghost

metaghost

Ghast of the Geist
Jun 16, 2008
105
0
16
Boston, MA
signovagun.blogspot.com
Everyone's favorite site for curmudgeonly hipsterisms has at last deigned BLD worthy of review, and they don't disappoint!

Link (For those that want it.)

Embedded within this awe-inspiring tract are such delights as:

"...sounding...like Spiritualized Slint soap operas...."

"...'Clelia Walking' intimates tension through its drums..." (You mean...it's not actually tense?)

"...an instrumental and two short numbers do little more than maintain the record's tepid temperament." (Nice alliteration! 8000 points!)

"'Symmetrical Arizona'...suggests a rockist Varèse...ut it's not enough to counter the previous half-hour or suggest more than Grizzly Bear making a (polite) left turn." (Varèse -> Grizzly Bear; talk about left turns! Wiiiiiipeout.)

And lastly, you know they really hate your album when the invoke the name of any member of Mars Volta:

"Lyrically, Lambency is a Cedric Bixler-Zavala-sized wreck, full of political quips too vague to register and elliptical discursions that hinge weakly on phrases like 'bifurcated ammonites' and 'tiffany redoubts.'"

But listen guys, don't lose hope quite yet. He still manages to make a Jeff Buckley in the second-to-last sentence.

"His best Jeff Buckley is graceless and unconvincing, the deliverance of his words seemingly more important than the manner in which they're delivered."

I think that means he wants to pork you like pig, Toby.

Summary Judgment: A+
 
I'm sorry, but at no point did I make any attack of the review on the grounds that KD makes perfect music or some other nonsense.

I simply thought the review was silly and wanted to share for those that don't read the Pitchfork.

Aren't you imagining what a rockist Varèse would compose? I am. And it sucks.
 
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I still think this is the best Kayo Dot review ever

How to begin with this review? After reading this, i'm sure a lot of you are probably gonna think i'm the 'METAL ONLY' type of guy with no 'diverse' and 'open-minded' tastes in music as some would say, but don't get me wrong, I am a big lover of post/indie rock, noise rock, avant-garde and all other weirdies in between. 'Dowsing Anemone with Copper Tongue' is the second full-length from 'Avant' metal band Kayo Dot, and having 3 full-lengths under the name MOTW. Just before listening to this album, my bullshit radar immediately flashed. Huge line-up and very fucking arrogant titles (Amaranth the Peddler. seriously, what the fuck? I don't care how many drugs, or how 'arty' you think you are, that's a fucking GAY title). Well, after all that bullshit, I decided to spin the album and try to leave these (un)comforting prejudices aside. 'Gemini Becoming the Tripod' kicks things off, and for some reason it's EXACTLY how I thought it would sound - long, boring, uninspired, trying to create an interesting atmosphere but failing at it on almost every level. There's a riff near the end, but that's not enough to cover the 8 minutes of your life that you'll never get back. The loud and obnoxious instrumentation creates a post-rock atmosphere, plus arrogance, more random bullshit and whatnot. Instead of creating repetitive trance-inducing atmosphere (like certain black metal bands), or calming, soothing drones (like some drone bands), the stuff here is 80% filler, 15% avant-riff bullshit and 5% of good stuff.

Seriously, what the fuck? The second song, 'Immortelle And Paper Caravelle' (I know, it's hard not to laugh at the titles). I waited forever for it to start. Thing is it doesn't start. You can skip to almost anywhere in this song and what you'll hear is near-silence. It's nearly 10 minutes long too. Yes, I know, as 'open-minded' asshats would say, this is 'grower' music, but trust me, I can tell the difference between bullshit 'avant' music and actually grower music, stuff that has a certain level of complexity. 'Aura On An Asylum Wall' is the strongest song here (or should I say, the song that doesn't suck as much as the rest), despite having some random-as-all-fuck lyrics and a considerable amount of filler. 'On Limpid Form', the longest track (and supposedly the 'highlight), drags on for 18 fucking minutes. Eighteen. There's a few good moments (I'd say maybe a minute and a half of that), but it's usually just trying to be noise. Yeah, I said it. They try to be that noisy post-rock band that tries to be 'noise'. This isn't actual noise. Noise is stuff like Merzbow, Borbetomagus, Government Alpha etc. Not randomly plucking your instrument with that asian art chick that listens to indie rock and wears purple highliner and dies her hair pink (which, if you haven't realized it yet, is what Kayo Dot is all about).

So, verdict? No matter how 'avant', 'indie', 'arty', 'original' or 'open-minded' you try to be, there's no enjoying of this album. I'd like to thank Opeth and misunderstanding of the 'avant-garde' term for breeding this monster that creates scenester kids. You know, that kid who walks around campus with a Pelican or Opeth shirt, arrogant look, and who's probably gonna end up writing a book about music and spirituality and...ok, i'll stop that for now. This is arrogant, over-the-top, 'noisy, and last but definitely not least boring music. Don't get it. Download it if you want, but whipe the dust off you delete button before you do.
Click to expand...

The guy who wrote it actually made the M-A account he used solely for trolling. He's actually a pretty decent musician with great musical taste himself.
 
We had it coming. Ever since the far superior maudlin of the Well changed their name to Kayo Dot, it has been obvious what would happen to Toby Driver and company. The band lost most of their focus on the intense side of motW, and they're now a band that strings many ideas together but it unfortunately goes nowhere. "Blue Lambency Downward" continues this trend, and while it's a somewhat different take on avant-garde chamber music, it's still a complete chore to listen to.

Should I mention that the band is only Toby Driver and his Tartar Lamb affiliate Mia Matsumiya? Along with that, a bunch of guest instrumentalists come in to play the drums, clarinet, anything that Toby and Mia aren't mindlessly putting together. What really lacks is the guitar and basically anything that made motW such a worthwhile band.

Do you remember when John Lennon and Yoko Ono made those big messes of albums in the late 1960's that was a bunch of ideas randomly strung together and getting negative reception for their lack of cohesion and inspiration? I like to think of "Blue Lambency Downward" as one of the Lennon and Ono albums of the modern age. This band may have a concept, and it's obvious to know that the members have talent, it's just the whole songwriting process is completely abysmal. Each song on this album is borderline unbearable. There is no structure, and it's all a random bunch of instrument noises in technical structure used to impress those who are on a diet of simplistic music. There's nothing wrong with using technicality as long as the songs are in a balanced and musical matter, but when the songs are a bunch of random noises used to trick people into thinking they're so mindblowing, there is something wrong.

Once again, it's way too obvious that Toby Driver wanted to impress with another Kayo Dot album. I respect the man for composing something original, which I give 20 points to, but it's best known that Driver is growing older and that he won't be matching his "Bath" and "Leaving Your Body Map" concepts anytime soon. For shame, Toby.
 
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