Office Holiday Party

[lizard]

I must avoid this at all costs. I can always get out of the summer office picnic by claiming my bee sting allergy.

plus this year the holiday party will be featuring a "talent" show. the last time I had to attend one of these, there were about five gospel singers and one guy who insisted on regaling the crowd by reading a two page single spaced story - completely backwards.

 

[avi]

egads!

the last one we had was on a frickin' boat. in other words, once you were on, there was no fucking escape. needless to say, I did not attend. nor do I plan to attend whatever fiasco is planned for this year.

 

[xfer]

hah avi, I think I remember that!

I have TWO holiday parties to attend. I hate socializing, so I end up glomming onto Naomi and following her around like a puppy while she tries to socialize. Free food and drinks, though, and the biggest party has a big free raffle where I might win a $500 gift certificate or a host of smaller prizes.

 

[lizard]

last year I got roped into running the hardware controlling the lights and background music for the singers. It all went pretty well except for the marginal talent levels, but I couldn't control that.

this year I was one of the judges at the chili cookoff. one of the recipes (my boss's) had cashews in it!). Most of the chilis were okay but only that. the winner was the hottest, coincidentally made by the hottest contestant, my bud monica (but I didn't know it was her's)

(XFER DON'T LOOK!)

 

[Steve]

say you have to go somewhere with your son....

 

[lizard]

hey, good one. I'll claim he's ill and I have to take him to the Dr.

 

[Nut Butter]

Sweet roastin' criminy!! I sympathise with your plight lizard. I was lucky enough to avoid mine, which already took place last Friday! Hive Five!

 

[TheNewChupe]

calmly mention that seeing red and green together instantly takes you back to your childhood wintertime stay with your Dad at that mountain lodge before he went nuts and killed everyone except you. now those colors turn you into a moody, maniacal, people-hating machine bent on mass genocide.

and then say you'd love to go!

 

[lizard]

oh gross the crusty old mormon dude was just in my cube asking me questions, and clipping his nails, showering my area with his clippings. yechhhh

 

[TheNewChupe]

wow, you have a crusty old mormon dude? we need one of those here to talk to the troll lady.

 

[lizard]

wow, you have a crusty old mormon dude? we need one of those here to talk to the troll lady.

yeah I hate to say it but he is a stereotype. nine kids, and he constantly interrupts people, especially women, cause yaknow, they're inferior.

 

[Cerulean]

 

[jerkstore]

my office holiday party always rules...then again I like the people I work with. Still, you really can't go wrong with free dinner, open bar, and free cab rides to and from.

 

[lizard]

they would never allow us free cab rides. or free bar.

btw the old crusty mormon dude did his missionary work in the south pacific, where he picked up some sort of fungal thing. here's the deal. I used to share a cube with him, and he would pick the outbreaks of fungus off his shins and forearms - with fucking forceps. or sand them down with sandpaper. no lie

 

[avi]

holy fuck that's disgusting! jeez

 

[lizard]

he's a tough old bastard, that's for sure. one monday we were having staff meeting and he leaned back in his chair, and his shirtsleeves rolled up, revealing duct tape on one of his upper arms.

"Jeez, Grant, what's that duct tape doing on your arm?", exclaims Casey.

"Well, I climbed forty feet up a telephone poll to put up a new ham radio antenna, and then I lost my grip...I've got creosote splinters in my arms from sliding down the poll, so I sealed the wounds with duct tape."

 

[xfer]

ok so

the buzz around my office today has been growing disquiet over the fact that our library christmas party (which is small) has been scheduled and announced, but, curiously...the university-wide Big-Ass Christmas Bash involving buffets full of food, cash prizes, and half a day off has not been announced.

perusing the various BC calendar websites, the holiday party is conspicuously absent from all the events schedules. this is a major event, held on the floor of our auditorium, so it's not something that gets scheduled at the last minute.

we are all beginning to think we're going to get ripped off this year. now, if they give me half the day off and hand me an envelope filled with the cash they were going to spend on my meal, okay, i'll happily take that. but screwing us out of our holiday party? NOT going to be a good scene.

i predict the usually low-key library christmas lunch will be full of even bitterer people greedily swilling as much liquor as they can, just to make sure they make BC pay. and, unlike the university-wide party, we have to return to work afterwards.

i'll be postin'.

 

[lizard]

you can be our embedded reporter.

 

[TheNewChupe]

things are tough here. they cancelled our summer picnic due to low funds, are trying to get people to take unpaid vacation days, and this is the first job i've had an annual review and not gotten a raise in pay. might be time to update the resume.

 

[minxnim]

we have secret santa in our office. then we have this agency wide dance club party donated by some bizarre gay club somewhere, where all my coworkers get shitfaced, wear drag and/or dance like freaks for hours and humiliate themselves and make out in the bathrooms. i've never gone to one. i've only heard stories. i always have an excuse that's actually true so far... thankfully.

the last secret santa, the guy gave me a box of chocolates (not supposed to eat sugar/ am vegan also for the most part) and a bottle of wine (couldn't drink on medication). i was bummed.