Poor jokes, inc.

[9mm]

Q: What did the fish say when he ran into the concrete wall?
A: Dam!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man walks into a psychiatrist wearing nothing but Glad Wrap. The psychiatrist says to him: "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

James Bond is sitting in a lounge bar at the casino dressed in a tux and fiddling with his wrist watch when a beautiful young blonde sits on the stool next him and eyes him off.

"That's a remarkable looking watch you've got there." she says.

"Yes. It's the latest thing. Cutting edge technology. Q has really out done himself this time."

"Oh, what's so special about it?" she asks.

"Well", replies Bond, "It communicates with me telepathically and tells me things about my surroundings that aren't immediately apparent. For example, it's telling me right now that you aren't wearing any knickers."

"Ha! Rubbish!", she laughs. "I'm fully and correctly dressed in that regard I'll have you know!"

"Damn!", says Bond fiddling with the watch again. "Bloody thing's running an hour fast!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a small town and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.
Ventriloquist: "G'day Mate! Good looking dog, mate.
Mind if I speak to him?"
New Zealander: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."
Ventriloquist: "Hey dog, how's it going old mate?"
Dog: "Doin' alright."
New Zealander: extreme look of shock
Ventriloquist: "Is this Kiwi your owner?" pointing at New Zealander
Dog: " Yep "
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you? "
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play. "
New Zealander: look of disbelief
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse? "
New Zealander: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think. "
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going? "
Horse: "Cool."
New Zealander: extreme look of shock
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" pointing at New Zealander
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good,thanks for asking. He rides me
regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the
barn to protect me from the elements."
New Zealander: total look of amazement
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
New Zealander: "The sheep's a liar. "

 

[JayProgrammer]

There's a new videotape series out that teaches you how to find the IQ of your dog.

The secret is simple.

If you pay $49.99 plus shipping and handling for the tapes, your dog is way smarter than you are!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

A cactus, a ninja, and a poodle walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

There are three types of people in life. Those who can count, and those who cannot...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

If a cat always lands on its feet, and a piece of buttered bread always lands butter side down, then what happens if you strap a piece of buttered bread to the back of a cat?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

A piece of rope walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What the hell? We don't serve your type here! GET OUT!!!" The piece of rope walks out into the street, then gets himself all mangled and beat up. Afterwards, the piece of rope returns to the bar.

The bartender says, "Hey. Aren't you that fella I just kicked out of here because we didn't serve his kind here?"

The piece of rope says, "Frayed knot."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

And lastly, one similar to the fish joke...

What did the beaver say when his pile of mud and logs broke apart?

"DAM IT!!!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

....and I shall stop here before someone starts throwing tomatoes.

 

[Shadow298]

A man walks into a bar, the bartender looks up and says: "Hey, mate! It looks liek you've got a steering wheel down the front of your pants!"
And the man says: "Yeah. It's driving me nuts."

__________________________________________________________________

Q: What do you get if cross a bikie with a Mormon?
A: Someone who comes around to your house, knocks on your door and tells you to fuck off.

__________________________________________________________________

Q: What's a Jewish dilemma?
A: Pork chops at half price.

________________________________________________________________

Q: What's yellow and blue and sits on the bottom of a pool?
A: Baby with slashed Floaties.

Q: What's green and yellow and sits on the bottom of a pool?
A: Same baby a week later.

Q: What's red and yellow and floats on top of a pool?
A: Floaties with slashed baby.

________________________________________________________________

A baby seal walks into a club.

________________________________________________________________

And now, for the 3 worst jokes I's know:

Q: How can you tell a gay whale?
A: He sucks seamen out of a submarine.

Q: What do lesbain vampires say to each other?
A: "See you next month".

Q: What's black & blue and frigid?
A: A rape victim.

That's it for now.
I's gotta go hide somewhere for a while.

Peace
The Pimp NeonBLack

 

[Rick]

I feel so alone, i never really have any jokes... but i dont need them, i know some people think im naturally funny....some..

 

[Spiff]

My favourite joke:

Q: What's the difference between menstrual blood and sand?
A: You can't gargle sand.

 

[Goreripper]

A middle aged man bought a brand new Holden Monaro. He took off down the road, pushed it up to 130 kph, and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair.

"This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed.

But then he looked in his mirror and noticed a police car behind him, blue lights flashing.

"I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more, hitting over 200.



Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

The policeman pulled in behind the Monaro and walked up on the driver's side.

"Sir, my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a good reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."



The man looked back at the policeman and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a policeman, and I thought you were bringing her back."



The policeman said, "Have a nice day."

 

[JayProgrammer]

The man looked back at the policeman and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a policeman, and I thought you were bringing her back."



The policeman said, "Have a nice day."

That's a good one! Hey wait, I thought this was a bad jokes thread.

 

[Rick]

Yeah, and this is the dungeon forum

 

[JayProgrammer]

Yeah, and this is the dungeon forum

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight, and nobody in the Dungeon forum ever jokes about anything.

 

[Shadow298]

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight, and nobody in the Dungeon forum ever jokes about anything.

Good to see the boy catches on quickly.
Only twenty-two posts and he already knows how things work.

 

[Celestial-Todd]

A bear and a squirrel are walking in the forest one day when they come across a lamp. They pick it up and out pops a genie, who in a large booming voice tells them

“Three wishes I shall grant, make them wise”

The bear goes first “I want all the other bears in this forest to be horny females”

“So be it”

The squirrel asks “I want a helmet”

“I want all the bears in the surrounding forests to be horny females”

“I want a motorbike”

“Ah what the hell, I want every bear in the world to be a horny female”

And what is your last wish little squirrel, asked the genie

“I want this fucker to be gay!”

And with that he put on his helmet, hoped on the bike and got the fuck out of there!

 

[JayProgrammer]

Good to see the boy catches on quickly.
Only twenty-two posts and he already knows how things work.

That's kinda obvious though, as certain unscrupulous figures around here no names mentioned feel the need to laugh after nearly every single post. (HAHAHAHAHAHA)

*RUNS*

Just kidding. *STILL RUNS*

No really. *KEEPS ON RUNNIN'*

That's how I caught on. *COLLAPSES FROM RUNNING TOO MUCH*

 

[Rick]

*runs after Jay with a spear, "Keep away from the roosters, sonny"

 

[JayProgrammer]

*runs after Jay with a spear, "Keep away from the roosters, sonny"

*pulls out chainsaw. Watches RickIth run away screaming, then continues running before Lord Tim sees HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA post* :hotjump:

*Casts Divine Intervention. Warps to nearest Imperial Legion fort. Bunch of soldiers keep moronically saying, "Keep Moving."* Oh darn. I've been playing too much Elder Scrolls:Morrowind again!

 

[Rick]

You cant do that?!? chainsaw, hahaha, how middle ages of you

 

[Lord Tim]

Oooh, someone's looking for a bannin'.... *looks at Jay* HAHA!

 

[KoichCPA]

Q: Why did the baker have smelly hands?



A: Because he kneaded a poo.

 

[JayProgrammer]

Doctors are scary. They study medicine for several years, then call what they do "practice."

And enough's enough with that other stuff then. Why ban someone who revives two-year-old threads.

 

[Rick]

hahaha, but you cant just go around killin well respected members

 

[JayProgrammer]

hahaha, but you cant just go around killin well respected members

Yes, Mister Charge-After-Me-With-A-Spear. The chainsaw thing was merely an act of self-defense.

Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other ...... SLIDE.