Pre-production kinks

[Ze4th0x]

Well I'm trying to get a suitable sound for this project I'm recording soon. Can someone give me some constructive criticism on this part of a song. We didn't have much time today to do much so I have a quick 30 sec clip.

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/25341547/misc/To The Ones We Abandoned.mp3

Thanks in advance.