Requesting feedback for my creative piece for university

[Shadow298]

Hi everyone.
Here is the link to the novella that I am submitting for my Honours degree in Creative Writing: http://fav.me/d5k43vz
It's based upon the Japanese supernatural Light Novel style (without illustrations), complete with similar themes and cliches.

I currently require feedback within the week on coherency of narrative, continuity within the story, character construction, grammar, et cetera et cetera.

If you have a Deviant Art account, please comment there. If not, please use this thread.

Know that I ma asking a bit but the story doesn't take very long to read.

thanks in advance

Shadow

 

[FerretallicA]

Can't view PDF.

 

[Stonewall]

I can see it ok.

 

[Shadow298]

Can't view PDF.

Can you download PDF's or on a smart phone?