NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCET
To the citizens of the United States of America,In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus togovern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of yourindependence, effective today.Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties overall states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which shedoes not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP forthe 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a worldoutside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the needfor further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. Aquestionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed atjust how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raiseyour vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the sametwenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "youknow" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up"interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.It really isn't that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to getconfused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kindof football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your bordersmay have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will nolonger be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficultgame. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby(which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping fora rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour likenancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by2005.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weaponsif they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there isa world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russianshave never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a newnational holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is foryour own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Thank you for your cooperation.
To the citizens of the United States of America,In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus togovern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of yourindependence, effective today.Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties overall states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which shedoes not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP forthe 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a worldoutside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the needfor further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. Aquestionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed atjust how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raiseyour vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the sametwenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "youknow" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up"interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.It really isn't that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to getconfused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kindof football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your bordersmay have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will nolonger be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficultgame. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby(which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping fora rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour likenancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by2005.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weaponsif they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there isa world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russianshave never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a newnational holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is foryour own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Merovingian was right, cursing in french is just plain cool 
