Songwriting

[Barbarosa]

I just wanted to share a song i wrote and would love for you to give me your opinion on it and share the songs you wrote too

The Plague

The sky was black
Forests were burnt
Into an abyss of doom
The plague had struck it all!

Evil had rised
Good it despised
Beast it brung
An attack was sprung !

Men stood without fear
Not knowing that the end is near
The plague had struck them hard
They could not play another card!

The plague, the plague
Devoured everything in it's way
It wounded all
Answered the devils call! x 2

The elves were wise
A plan they did devise
The plan was weak
Evil found a leak!

The plague, the plague
Devoured everything in it's way
It wounded all
Answered the devils call! x 2

The dwarves fell quick
The plague gave them a fearsome kick!
It won the whole land
From the ice bergs to sand!

The plague, the plague
Devoured everything in it's way
It wounded all
Answered the devils call! x 2

The plague x 12

THE END

Please don't hate on me if it's bad or anything just give me your honest opinion
Peace and rock on! \m/

 

[matt schrauben]

I just wanted to share a song i wrote and would love for you to give me your opinion on it and share the songs you wrote too

The Plague

The sky was black
Forests were burnt
Into an abyss of doom
The plague had struck it all!

Evil had rised
Good it despised
Beast it brung
An attack was sprung !

Men stood without fear
Not knowing that the end is near
The plague had struck them hard
They could not play another card!

The plague, the plague
Devoured everything in it's way
It wounded all
Answered the devils call! x 2

The elves were wise
A plan they did devise
The plan was weak
Evil found a leak!

The plague, the plague
Devoured everything in it's way
It wounded all
Answered the devils call! x 2

The dwarves fell quick
The plague gave them a fearsome kick!
It won the whole land
From the ice bergs to sand!

The plague, the plague
Devoured everything in it's way
It wounded all
Answered the devils call! x 2

The plague x 12

THE END

Please don't hate on me if it's bad or anything just give me your honest opinion
Peace and rock on! m/

What genre are you writing lyrics for? That makes a difference on how well they will work.

However, my honest opinion is the lyrics seem a bit generic. And there are few spots where you go for an obvious rhyme and it doesn't really work. For example, "The plan was weak, Evil found a leak!" or "The plague had struck them hard, They could not play another card!" These lyrics sound like you ran out of ideas and just went with something that rhymed really quick.

First of all, don't feel like you always need to rhyme the last lines of verse. You don't. I think I'd try actually writing down what you want the concept of the song to be. Don't be concerned with how they sound...yet. You can work that out later once you get the idea down. Then work with what you have and sculpt it into a final product. A Thesaurus would come in handy for "post production" of your lyrics.

Good luck to you and your songwriting!

 

[Barbarosa]

What genre are you writing lyrics for? That makes a difference on how well they will work.

However, my honest opinion is the lyrics seem a bit generic. And there are few spots where you go for an obvious rhyme and it doesn't really work. For example, "The plan was weak, Evil found a leak!" or "The plague had struck them hard, They could not play another card!" These lyrics sound like you ran out of ideas and just went with something that rhymed really quick.

First of all, don't feel like you always need to rhyme the last lines of verse. You don't. I think I'd try actually writing down what you want the concept of the song to be. Don't be concerned with how they sound...yet. You can work that out later once you get the idea down. Then work with what you have and sculpt it into a final product. A Thesaurus would come in handy for "post production" of your lyrics.

Good luck to you and your songwriting!

Thanks for the review, im writing it (trying to) in a power metal genre and i sure will try to improve my songwriting... It is a bit hard since English is not my primary language but i give it my best

 

[divine_torture]

There's a poetry thread in the Social forum. Also, those blow. Seriously, go suck a penis and when done, write something about it. Tell us how the penis felt in your mouth, the level of interest you had in the penis, what it tasted like, whether or not you allowed the penis to ejaculate in your mouth or on your face, and then about how you felt about said ejaculation. Then post it in the Social forum in the Poetry thread, and go from there.

Cockwad.

 

[Satanstoenail]

Evil had rised
Good it despised
Beast it brung
An attack was sprung !

Is English your first language?

 

[Avigrus]

Is English your first language?

Nah, he said it wasn't.

 

[Satanstoenail]

Nah, he said it wasn't.

Ah, so he did. Fair enough then.

 

[EffigyForgotten]

The 1st satanic rap song my homies!

 

[King Richard]

There's a poetry thread in the Social forum. Also, those blow. Seriously, go suck a penis and when done, write something about it. Tell us how the penis felt in your mouth, the level of interest you had in the penis, what it tasted like, whether or not you allowed the penis to ejaculate in your mouth or on your face, and then about how you felt about said ejaculation. Then post it in the Social forum in the Poetry thread, and go from there.

Cockwad.

Just go murder his family already.

 

[Morbus616]

Great, spread your stuff all over the Internet. Sure way to get it stolen. Don't come crying later when some band get's big using one of your songs.

 

[Barbarosa]

Great, spread your stuff all over the Internet. Sure way to get it stolen. Don't come crying later when some band get's big using one of your songs.

Well by the feedback im getting i'd be lucky if my lyrics ended in a Justin Bieber song

 

[EffigyForgotten]

Well by the feedback im getting i'd be lucky if my lyrics ended in a Justin Bieber song

If you were credited for that though you would get mad pussy...

 

[Barbarosa]

If you were credited for that though you would get mad pussy...

Good point :OO

 

[Barbarosa]

There's a poetry thread in the Social forum. Also, those blow. Seriously, go suck a penis and when done, write something about it. Tell us how the penis felt in your mouth, the level of interest you had in the penis, what it tasted like, whether or not you allowed the penis to ejaculate in your mouth or on your face, and then about how you felt about said ejaculation. Then post it in the Social forum in the Poetry thread, and go from there.

Cockwad.

This poem might get me a ban
But to suck my cock you can

You fight with anger
I fight with rhymes
Trust me , i am better ten times

You are the weak one
I am the strong
You are the one who is wrong!

No longer will i fight
Now you have seen
Who is wrong and who's right

 

[EffigyForgotten]

This poem might get me a ban
But to suck my cock you can

You fight with anger
I fight with rhymes
Trust me , i am better ten times

You are the weak one
I am the strong
You are the one who is wrong!

No longer will i fight
Now you have seen
Who is wrong and who's right

LMAO

 

[Werckmeister Harmonies]

Great, spread your stuff all over the Internet. Sure way to get it stolen. Don't come crying later when some band get's big using one of your songs.

Yeah, as if anyone would steal those lyrics

 

[matt schrauben]

Thanks for the review, im writing it (trying to) in a power metal genre and i sure will try to improve my songwriting... It is a bit hard since English is not my primary language but i give it my best

Ah, that explains some things.

Have you tried writing your songs in your primary language and then translating? I'm not sure how good that would do you though, they might actually sound worse if you did a literal translation. However, if you know someone who is a good translator you could go that route too.

Or just write your lyrics in your home language too. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[Barbarosa]

Ah, that explains some things.

Have you tried writing your songs in your primary language and then translating? I'm not sure how good that would do you though, they might actually sound worse if you did a literal translation. However, if you know someone who is a good translator you could go that route too.

Or just write your lyrics in your home language too. Nothing wrong with that.

Hm that sounds good... I can translate from my language to english very good but im afraid i won't get a single rhyme then, but will it be necessary to have rhymes?

 

[matt schrauben]

Hm that sounds good... I can translate from my language to english very good but im afraid i won't get a single rhyme then, but will it be necessary to have rhymes?

Well that depends. I hadn't considered that you may not get a rhyme after translating, however that's where an English Thesaurus would come in very handy.

No matter what you decide, I would strongly recommend picking up an English Thesaurus. I think you'll find to be invaluably beneficial.

 

[HamburgerBoy]

No matter what you decide, I would strongly recommend picking up an English Thesaurus. I think you'll find to be invaluably beneficial.

He's not forming a European death metal band.