this is what happened to me outside the post office today.

[minxnim]

i was going to the 18th street post office to mail my sister's birthday present and there were two guys standing next to a homeless man lying on the sidewalk. one of the two guys grabbed my arm as i was walking by:

guy #1: is he dead?
guy #2: he's not moving at all.
me: i dunno.
(silent contemplation)
me: sir, are you dead?
(about 10 second lapse)
homeless man: no. hmph.
me: do you want my orange juice?
homeless man: yea.
(hands him orange juice)
me: i like you're hat.
homeless man: thanks.
me: okay guys. he's not dead.

 

[FalseTodd]

That was very thorough investigative work. Nice job.

 

[minxnim]

i was glad later, when i thought about it, that i called him sir instead of just being like 'hey are you dead?'

 

[FalseTodd]

Yeah, the sir is a ncie touch. Is there a Miss Manners protocol for speaking to the potentially dead?

 

[avi]

I had a similar experience on Sunday driving through the hills of Oakland/Berkeley. We passed some homeless-looking dude totally sprawed next to his bike on a driveway next to his bike on this super-windy road. so we stop to see if he's okay and after waking the bum up he gets all angry with us. "No! I'm not hurt! hahahahah"

he wasn't exactly lucid, but jeez. bikers get hit up there all the time.

 

[xfer]

he shouldn't have taken your orange juice. i mean, that's not very hygienic.

 

[lizard]

now prep, it was cool you gave him the OJ, he could probably use the C.

however, once again, a man is invading your space and grabbing you, albeit in different circumstances from the balding dude.

is there a vibe you are giving off.

 

[minxnim]

well, the juice wasn't opened! i had just bought it.
also, lizard... your guess is as good as mine. i think just being female and having no major physical defects leads these things to happen i imagine. i also am told i have this 'look' about me that people find somehow familiar. like, strangers spill their guts to me etc. either way, i guess i gotta learn to deal with it.

 

[minxnim]

also, i really did like his hat, albiet it was a rickety, worn out cheap version of the london bowler, it was still pretty original.

 

[lizard]

our president's "compassionate conservatism" has continued to flood the streets with mentally ill people.

p.s. the other day I had to ride the bus into downtown and there was an elderly man sitting across from me, he was one seat behind this black chick.

old dude: my balls is heavy.
me: errrr...
young chick: shifts nervously in her seat.
old dude: my balls is heavy. I gots nine chillen.
me: that's nice...errrrr...
old dude: I's gettin' ready to have another child. Janet Jackson is my daughter.

 

[avi]

ooh that is a nice hat

 

[minxnim]

yea i think those hats are really really neat.

 

[lizard]

oh yes, a bowler is always cool, especially on my personal hero

hey prep, my wife has the gift/curse like that. she attracts misfit guys.

what this says about me is anyone's guess.

 

[minxnim]

well, i feel for your wife. not because she married you, but because she's got the curse. tell her to never move to NYC. it's like being a freak-magnet.

 

[lizard]

don't I know it. the other day some guy in the neighborhood knocked on the door and was trying to get her to take some freshly barbecued bratwursts.

attempted seduction via hibachi...that's a new one.

 

[xfer]

i think what he actually said was "hot weiner".

 

[minxnim]

actually, last night this guy who hangs out on the corner (probably a drug dealer but i dunno for sure) offered to get me some fried catfish. i was like no thanks. but i did let him get me an apple juice.

 

[lizard]

I knew some sort of sausage sexual humor was approaching...heh heh.

 

[avi]

well duh.

 

[lizard]

was the apple juice sealed when he brought it back?