This week in metal!


Apr 14, 2001
Because im too lazy to make a website ive decided to just post my weekly metal news :D

The black metal myth explosion continues: "Mayhem? Arent they the band that killed all of Norway?"

Tom Araya's mum sends him to his room.
"Have you people actually HEARD what my boy was singing about? I have never been so shocked in my life, and you can tell David, Kerry and Jeffrey that he isnt coming out to play until he learns how to sing about something nice".

Chinese Democracy seen making a break for it.

Metal world shocked to discover there are 4 other members in Arch Enemy

New 16 year old death metal fan hears Arch Enemy, upon seeing vocalist, immediately starts fantasising about singers from Cannibal Corpse, Nile and more. Friends too afraid to tell him the truth.

Prog band formed without a member of Dream Theater!

Metallica apologises to everyone for last decade. "It seemed like a good idea at the time".

Ozzy Osbourne set to star in new movie.
"Im sick of being stereotyped as this "lord of doom" ya know?" the ageing singer said yesterday on the set of his new movie "Pussywhipped And Confused In L.A."
"This will show people the REAL Ozzy Osbourne. You know? Thats what im told anyway, now how do you work this fucking drink machine man?"

Black metal band smiles in photo, dropped from label.
"Mordrock farted, I couldnt help it, if the photographer hadnt been so overzealous none of this would have happened, but no, he had to keep clicking away" band member Zorgonitis explained this morning upon hearing the label had torn up their contract.
"Shargaboore and Banderboom even offered to sacrifice a virgin to make up for it, and all they got was a "too little too late" from the record company".
Having formed a Kiss tribute band in the interim, the band members hope to find another label soon.
  • Like
Reactions: Mark
Laziness is the only thing stopping me from total and utter world domination Spiffy :) :D
as soon as Blasphemous touches down in Norway he is going to jail for 1 year for drink driving, Simon the production manager told me mate who is good friends with Simon.

props to Simon for getting me into the Mayhem gig for free :headbang: