Church Bulletin "Funnies"
(Actual blurbs in church bulletins/directories that were written as you see them here!)..................
****Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
****"The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
****Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
****Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
****"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping round the house. Don't forget your husbands."
****The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
****The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water" The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus"
****Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
****Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
****The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."
****Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
****Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help.
****Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
****A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
****At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
****Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
****The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
****Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
****For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nurse downstairs.
****Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
****Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
****The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
****Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM. Prayer and medication to follow.
****The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
****This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
****Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
****The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
****Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
****The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
****Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
****The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
(Actual blurbs in church bulletins/directories that were written as you see them here!)..................
****Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
****"The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
****Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
****Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
****"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping round the house. Don't forget your husbands."
****The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
****The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water" The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus"
****Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
****Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
****The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."
****Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
****Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help.
****Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
****A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
****At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
****Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
****The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
****Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
****For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nurse downstairs.
****Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
****Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
****The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
****Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM. Prayer and medication to follow.
****The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
****This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
****Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
****The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
****Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
****The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
****Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
****The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
