i like how something or other something or other

[goatschool]

how do you explain this in words?

well, i hate (not like, that was sarcasm) how i am so weak-willed or something/other that when i get into a cliché situation i quickly, no maybe instantly assume the cliché. even if i know perfectly what i'm doing and how i should handle myself.

when i go to a death metal show, i start to feel like an old little hippy, even though i think most of what is popular now is weak shit.

yesterday, i go to a random florist on the way to a nursing home, and immediately i am playing the "hapless dude in a room full of flowers" bit. it was atrocious, i blurted out "someone told me... daisies" and then basically drooled them out of business and into retching spasms.

please, someone tell me worse stories so i can laugh and quietly tilt my head back, raise an eyebrow ala xfear and think that i'm not so bad after all, considering the tomfoolery splayed before me

 

[goatschool]

like pants-shitting stories.

 

[minxnim]

haha sorry no personal pants shitting stories.
but this kid ed in my junior high crapped his pants in gym class and they had to evacuate because it smelled to bad.

 

[goatschool]

a gf of a friend supposedly pooped her pants while she was passed out drunk.

i disliked her, anyhow.

 

[minxnim]

a friend of mine in hs pissed herself when she was drunk and laughing too hard.

 

[minxnim]

oh and once i puked in my shoes. woops.

 

[VangelicSurgeon]

YO I do the exact same thing in flower stores...last time I went I was lucky enough to blurt out 'orange! bright!" after he had already gathered like half a bouquet worth of hideous pink things. He wasn't psyched.

 

[avi]

aren't all guys rendered into buffoons the moment we step into a flower store? i know jack shit about that stuff.

 

[deadair]

i crapped my pants at little league practice one day...

it was really bad.

(i was sick... not lazy)

i was maybe... 11, 12? and after shitting myself, i had to BIKE home 2 miles.
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

[Baliset]

i once peed my pants at my friend JP's birthday party in like 1986 or 1987.

also if you want to throw puking on yourself out there. I can think of a few glorious examples of bolting upright realizing i am going to puke but figuring in my drunken stupor i could resist. then puking all voer myself, my bed, my clothes, and passing out instantly to wake up in disgustingness the next day.

 

[goatschool]

avi, considering that all of civilzation is based on a net of interlocking ideas and concepts, you'd think we testes would have enough wily-ness to get by in there.

but confronted with the matriarch of the seeds, i crumbled.

 

[minxnim]

i should mention my shoes werent on at the time they were puked in.
guys also seem rendered useless in store aisles with tampons in them, at the hairdresser, and in jewelry stores.

 

[VangelicSurgeon]

a friend of mine, on his birthday, got so drunk he started puking while shitting in the bar bathroom, then he passed out there and had to be rescued by friends.

 

[avi]

oh man, reading all of this makes me SO HAPPY I have never been *that* drunk. I get shitty like once a year, but thank god I usually make sure I puke before bed and don't humiliate myself too badly.

 

[minxnim]

when i puked in my shoes i didn't realize i had food poisoning and i drank a buncha gin. it sucked. i had to chuck the shoes.

ALSO: my college roommate once tried to barf in a pillowcase because she couldnt make it to the bathroom. those things are leaky.

 

[VangelicSurgeon]

another guy I know got drunk, smoked pot, and then had to throw up...we were almost home but he couldn't wait so he puked down his jacket sleeve (which he was wearing at the time) I thought it was actually very considerate.

 

[Baliset]

one time byron and i came home from a party and he immediately began lighting up as i went to the bathroom to puke but then i came back and smoked up to try and ease my pain.

also one time at a party, a friend of mine started puking in the backyard of the house we rere at while he was standing up, then he just wiped his mouth off and began drinking again.

 

[lizard]

guys also seem rendered useless in store aisles with tampons in them

not me!

 

[goatschool]

okay, these stories are good.

i admit, i nearly peed my pants twice while sleeping and sort of drunkish.

 

[avi]

drinking + smoking pot = seriously bad combo for Avi

and of course, the drunker I get, the better an idea it sounds