Lil Billy was sitting on a park bench munching on
> one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a
> man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you
> know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It'll
> give you acne, rot your teeth and make you fat."
>
> Lil Billy replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107
> years old."
>
> "Oh?" replied the man. "Did your grandfather eat 6
> candy bars at a time?"
>
> "No," replied Little Billy, "he minded his own
> fucking business!!"
>
> LIL BILLY ON...PHILOSOPHY
>
> A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds
> sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how
> many will be left?"
>
> She calls on Lil Billy.
>
> He replies, "None. They will all fly away with the
> first gunshot."
>
> The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I
> like your thinking."
>
> Then Lil Billy says, "I have a question for YOU.
> There are 3 women sitting on a bench eating ice
> cream:
> One is delicately licking the sides of the triple
> scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
> top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off
> the of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
>
> The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well,
> I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and
> sucked the cone."
>
> To which Lil Billy replied, "The correct answer is
> 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your
> thinking."
>
> LIL BILLY ON... MATH
>
> Lil Billy returns home from school and says he got
> an F in arithmetic.
>
> "Why?" asks the father.
>
> "The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6,"
> replied Lil Billy.
>
> "But that's right!" says his dad.
>
> "Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"
>
> "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father?
>
> "That's what I said!"
>
> LIL BILLY ON...ENGLISH
>
> Lil Billy goes to school and the teacher says,
> "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words,
> class. Does anybody have an example of a
> multi-syllable
> word?"
>
> Lil Billy says "Mas-tur-bate."
>
> Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Lil Billy, that's
> a mouthful."
>
> Lil Billy says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of
> a blowjob."
>
> LIL BILLY ON...GRAMMAR
>
> One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the
> teacher asked for a show of hands from those who
> could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence
> twice.
>
> First, she called on little Suzie, who responded
> with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress
> and she looked beautiful in it."
>
> "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then
> called on Lil Michael.
>
> "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned
> out beautifully."
>
> The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then,
> she reluctantly called on Lil Billy.
>
> "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my
> father that she was pregnant and he said "Beautiful,
> just fucking beautiful."
> one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a
> man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you
> know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It'll
> give you acne, rot your teeth and make you fat."
>
> Lil Billy replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107
> years old."
>
> "Oh?" replied the man. "Did your grandfather eat 6
> candy bars at a time?"
>
> "No," replied Little Billy, "he minded his own
> fucking business!!"
>
> LIL BILLY ON...PHILOSOPHY
>
> A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds
> sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how
> many will be left?"
>
> She calls on Lil Billy.
>
> He replies, "None. They will all fly away with the
> first gunshot."
>
> The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I
> like your thinking."
>
> Then Lil Billy says, "I have a question for YOU.
> There are 3 women sitting on a bench eating ice
> cream:
> One is delicately licking the sides of the triple
> scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
> top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off
> the of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
>
> The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well,
> I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and
> sucked the cone."
>
> To which Lil Billy replied, "The correct answer is
> 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your
> thinking."
>
> LIL BILLY ON... MATH
>
> Lil Billy returns home from school and says he got
> an F in arithmetic.
>
> "Why?" asks the father.
>
> "The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6,"
> replied Lil Billy.
>
> "But that's right!" says his dad.
>
> "Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"
>
> "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father?
>
> "That's what I said!"
>
> LIL BILLY ON...ENGLISH
>
> Lil Billy goes to school and the teacher says,
> "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words,
> class. Does anybody have an example of a
> multi-syllable
> word?"
>
> Lil Billy says "Mas-tur-bate."
>
> Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Lil Billy, that's
> a mouthful."
>
> Lil Billy says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of
> a blowjob."
>
> LIL BILLY ON...GRAMMAR
>
> One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the
> teacher asked for a show of hands from those who
> could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence
> twice.
>
> First, she called on little Suzie, who responded
> with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress
> and she looked beautiful in it."
>
> "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then
> called on Lil Michael.
>
> "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned
> out beautifully."
>
> The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then,
> she reluctantly called on Lil Billy.
>
> "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my
> father that she was pregnant and he said "Beautiful,
> just fucking beautiful."
