What do you call a Essex girl with half a brain?
Gifted!
What do you call a Essex girl with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant
Why aren't Essex girls good cattle herders?
Because they can't even keep two calves together!
What did the Essex girl's right leg say to the left leg?
Nothing. They've never met
Why do Essex girls wash their hair in the sink?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Why didn't the Essex girl want a window seat on the plane?
She'd just blow dried her hair
and she didn't want it blown around too much
Why is a Essex girl like a turtle?
They both get fucked up when they're on their back
What's a Essex girl's favourite nursery rhyme?
Hump-me Dump-me
What's the difference between a Essex girl and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once
Why don't Essex girls eat pickles?
Because they can't get their head in the jar
Why don't Essex girls eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper
or
They cant find the pull tab Why don't Essex girls use vibrators?
They chip their teeth
What is the mating call of the ugly Essex girl?
"I said: I'm drunk!"
Why do Essex girls drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it
How do you change a Essex girl's mind?
Blow in her ear
or
Buy her another drink
What do Essex girls do with their arseholes in the morning?
Pack their lunch and send them to work
What's the first thing a Essex girl does in the morning?
Walks home
Why is a Essex girl like a door knob?
Because everybody gets a turn
Why is a Essex girl like railway lines?
Because she's been laid all over the country
What important question does a Essex girl ask her man before having sex?
Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
What do you do when an Essex girl throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
Why did the Essex girl stop using the pill?
Because it kept falling out
What happens when an Essex girl gets Alzheimer's disease?
Her IQ goes up!
What's the difference between an Essex girl and a Porsche?
You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend
What is the difference between an Essex girl and a bowling ball?
You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball What do a bowling ball and an Essex girl have in common?
Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter
Why is a washing machine better than an Essex girl?
Because you can drop your load in a washing machine,
and it won't follow you around for a week
What do Essex girls and cow-pats have in common?
They both get easier to pick-up with age
What does an Essex girl and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up
What do Essex girls and spaghetti have in common?
They both wriggle when you eat them
What do you call an Essex girl with a bag of sugar on her head?
Sweet Fuck All...
How do you drown an Essex girl?
Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool
How many Essex girls does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
or
Three... one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit
What do you get when you offer an Essex girl a penny for her thoughts?
Change
What do you get when you cross an Essex girl and a gorilla?
Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do
How do you amuse an Essex girl for 5 hours?
Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper
Why do Essex girls have legs?
To get between the bedroom and the kitchen
What's the difference between an Essex girl having her period and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist What do you see when you look into a Essex girl's eyes?
The back of her head
Why do Essex girls drive VW's?
Because they can't spell PORSCHE!
How do you make an Essex girl laugh on Monday mornings?
Tell them a joke on Friday night!
What did the Essex girl do when she got her period?
Looked around for the bastard that must have knifed her
Why are Essex girls like cornflakes?
Because they're simple, easy and they taste good
How does an Essex girl hold her liquor?
By the ears
What do you call an Essex girl skeleton in the closet?
Last year's hide and seek champ
What's the difference between an Essex girl track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?
One's a bunch a cunning runts
What's the difference between an Essex girl and the Suez Canal?
One's a busy ditch
What is the difference between an Essex girl and a toilet?
A toilet won't follow you around after you use it
What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and an Essex girl?
The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
The Essex girl says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige." What do you call a dumb Essex girl behind a steering wheel?
An air bag
Why did the Essex girl tattoo her postcode on her stomach?
So her male would get delivered to the right box
How can you tell when an Essex girls dating?
By the buckle print on her forehead
What is the Essex girl's chronic speech impediment?
She can't say "No"
What do you call an Essex girl in a university?
A visitor
Why did the Essex girl cross the road?
Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
What does an Essex girl say after multiple orgasms?
Well done team!
Why does a Essex girls bra say T.G.I.F?
Tits Go In First
Why do Essex girls have vaginas?
So guys will talk to them at parties
What does an Essex girl answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
"No, I just lie there."
What do you call an Essex girl without an asshole?
Divorced
What's the difference between an Essex girl and rubbish?
Rubbish gets taken out at least once a week
What do you call a bunch of Essex girls with yeast infections?
A wine and cheese party!
What do you call an Essex girl with half a brain?
Gifted!
Did you hear about the Essex girl that went to library
and checked out a book called "How to Hug"?
Got home and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopaedia... What do you call an Essex mother-in-law?
An air bag
<and now I'm glad I live miles away from Essex so Becca cant get me!>
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