ok here it is in all it's glory.
of course this is before editing.
the way it will show up tommorow in the paper will be incredibly dumbed down, and completely unfunny, and still my name will appear on the byline.
btw...I wrote this in all of 10 minutes.
One year ago, one might have thought that the whole reality television phenomenon would be a horrific but passing trend, like slap-on bracelets and LFO, but here we are in 2003, at our collective societal water coolers, discussing the season finale of Joe Millionaire.
The voyeuristic inclinations of the American public have once again prevailed, and as a result, it seems that reality television is here to stay for quite some time, like it or not.
At the end of this hideously drawn out episode, our Joe Millionaire Evan Marriot, chose New Jersey substitute teacher Zora Andrich over Sara Kozer a blonde 29-year-old whos history includes starring in an assortment of fetish videos, among them a film entitled Hogtied, and a foot-fetish film called Dirty Soled Dolls.
Zora got the nod, and a diamond ring, from Evan; then the couple got a $1 million prize to split between the two of them. This was the spectacularly shocking twist that Fox had been promoting for the past several weeks. By the time the prize money was revealed to the couple, only the millions of viewers at home were less shocked by the gracious gift than Evan and Zora themselves.
Zora and runner-up Sarah also got the big, ugly truth; that Marriott isnt the extremely wealthy heir he had pretended to be the entire time. In real life, he had been a lowly minimum wage-earning construction worker.
There's been something else I'd like to say to you that's been really weighing on my nerves," said Evan. "I don't have $50 million. I don't have $50,000. I'm sorry I lied to you, but I wanted to find someone who loved me for who I am."
This is an exemplary moment of television programming, in which the sincerity and believability of the exchanged dialogue can only be likened to the glory of an afternoon soap opera.
Mondays blizzard came in very handy for the Fox network, leaving most of the east coast trapped inside their homes, with not much to do but watch the season finale of Joe Millionaire. As a result, Fox received unbelievably high ratings for both hour long specials that night, rating that could be in recent memory only rivaled by last years season finale of Friends.
Never being a company to resist an opportunity to milk a show for all its worth, Fox will be airing a series of follow-up specials on Joe Millionaire, guaranteeing that in a weeks time, there will not be a single soul remaining in this country, that will not be completely sick and tired of Marriott and his television bride.
Joe Millionaire: The Aftermath will air on Monday at 8pm eastern time. Hopefully a snow storm wont prevent us from missing it this time around.
