Another candle fades

Bacchante

The Dreaming Mind
Mar 14, 2004
2,632
28
48
39
The last two days have been a reminder of how precious life really is.

A friend of mine committed suicide the other day.
His name was Russell Leland Sawyer. I've known him for 9 years.
He was a unique individual, sharp as a tack, equipped with amazing, unpredictable humor and beautiful eyes.
He had a knack for making me laugh till I practically wet myself on many occasions.
The ultimate "optimistic pessimist."
I know you all would have liked him.

I'm sorry I didn't call you more.
I should have checked in on you
I really do feel like I failed you as a friend

If you thought that we all forgot you, you were wrong.
Right before we found out, all of us randomly said something about you
It's as if we all knew you were gone.
I prayed that this was all a sick joke of yours, and I wanted nothing more than to find you, call you an asshole and "punch you in mouf."
You would have been royally fucked up by all of us, but you would still be here. maybe.

I hope that you saw us all today, sharing our memories and tears together.
Everyone put aside their differences for you, and none of us wished this upon you.
This was our last chance to say goodbye.

We all love you, Leland, I hope you see that now.
Peace to you




I keep seeing the imagery of a circle of candles, all burning bright at first, and then one after another they start to flicker, dim and eventually go out. Too many of my friends have died, and I want to prevent this from ever happening again.


If you're in a bad place and you're thinking of hurting yourself, DON'T FUCKING DO IT.

You probably won't believe it at the time, but there so many people out there that care about you and think about you often. Don't deliberate, CALL THEM. A good friend will always be there to comfort you and talk you though this. Myself, and others, have dropped everything to help a friend in need, suicidal or not. We love you. We don't want you to hurt yourself, and we don't want you to die.
Help is a phone call away.

Suicide doesn't solve a problem, it just allows you to selfishly cut yourself out of the picture. It creates a hell for everyone left behind, and all of your loved ones are left in the wake, blaming themselves forever.

Breakups, the death of a loved one, losing a job, failing a grade:
all of these things will eventually fade into the background, and time will heal your pain.

It won't seem like it at first, but things will gradually start to get better. Each day will be a little brighter than the first.
And we'll be here to help you though the grey

Love, Lesa
 
  • Like
Reactions: jakekh1983
I offer my condolences, it is a very difficult thing to go through especially when it comes on a whim. Having waded through the same situation too many times with friends it can be a difficult burdon to hold.




Though I carry little remorse for those whom bring their fate down upon themselves due to material and trivial manners, some carry a battle within which in time can wear a soul very thin. Especially if they cloak their inner turmoil well.

Some simply wish peace upon themselves and are perhaps blind to what their actions will do to those who care for them.

"Life gives little lessons"
 
I have no words Lesa, but yours are beautiful. Sorry about your loss, I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel :( ::hugs::
 
Today was the anniversary, and my mind feels so heavy right now. I went to Santa Rosa with a friend and tried to stay distracted, but thoughts of you kept wandering through my head. You are seriously still on my mind all the time, and I'm always thinking about how things would be today if the past played out differently. We all love you.

I just wanted everyone here on this forum to know that JATO UNIT was the last song he put on his myspace before he committed suicide.
He was ecstatic about Jeff Loomis' solo album, and we played the entire thing for everybody at his memorial. Music was really all that he lived for anymore.
I dunno, I feel that it's important for everyone to know this detail, since i failed to mention it before.


Rest in Peace, Leland
 
Hey was an awesome guy, He could be a total dickhead at times. Especially when it came to pressuring your friends to throw rocks at cars.
 
Hey was an awesome guy, He could be a total dickhead at times. Especially when it came to pressuring your friends to throw rocks at cars.

Or getting pissed of at Ian because he was ditching him all the time for his girlfriend, so he hung his kiddie swingset from the phone lines!!! That was a hilarious revenge, haha!!
Fuck, I miss him and his unique breed of humor.


Thank you, guys. Take this as a reminder to keep a watchful eye on your friends, especially at this time.

Love!
 
The last two days have been a reminder of how precious life really is.

A friend of mine committed suicide the other day.
His name was Russell Leland Sawyer. I've known him for 9 years.
He was a unique individual, sharp as a tack, equipped with amazing, unpredictable humor and beautiful eyes.
He had a knack for making me laugh till I practically wet myself on many occasions.
The ultimate "optimistic pessimist."
I know you all would have liked him.

I'm sorry I didn't call you more.
I should have checked in on you
I really do feel like I failed you as a friend

If you thought that we all forgot you, you were wrong.
Right before we found out, all of us randomly said something about you
It's as if we all knew you were gone.
I prayed that this was all a sick joke of yours, and I wanted nothing more than to find you, call you an asshole and "punch you in mouf."
You would have been royally fucked up by all of us, but you would still be here. maybe.

I hope that you saw us all today, sharing our memories and tears together.
Everyone put aside their differences for you, and none of us wished this upon you.
This was our last chance to say goodbye.

We all love you, Leland, I hope you see that now.
Peace to you




I keep seeing the imagery of a circle of candles, all burning bright at first, and then one after another they start to flicker, dim and eventually go out. Too many of my friends have died, and I want to prevent this from ever happening again.


If you're in a bad place and you're thinking of hurting yourself, DON'T FUCKING DO IT.

You probably won't believe it at the time, but there so many people out there that care about you and think about you often. Don't deliberate, CALL THEM. A good friend will always be there to comfort you and talk you though this. Myself, and others, have dropped everything to help a friend in need, suicidal or not. We love you. We don't want you to hurt yourself, and we don't want you to die.
Help is a phone call away.

Suicide doesn't solve a problem, it just allows you to selfishly cut yourself out of the picture. It creates a hell for everyone left behind, and all of your loved ones are left in the wake, blaming themselves forever.

Breakups, the death of a loved one, losing a job, failing a grade:
all of these things will eventually fade into the background, and time will heal your pain.

It won't seem like it at first, but things will gradually start to get better. Each day will be a little brighter than the first.
And we'll be here to help you though the grey

Love, Lesa
I miss Leland everyday. It has got easier, but dang.