• Guns don't kill people. James Tully kills People.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals James Tully allows to live.
• James Tully does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of James Tully is Pain.
• There is no chin under James Tully' Beard. There is only another fist.
• James Tully has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
• The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. James Tully 3. Cancer.
• James Tully drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
• James Tully is my Homeboy.
• James Tully doesn't go hunting.... JAMES TULLY GOES KILLING.
• James Tully uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks. (New!)
• James Tully once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
• Crop circles are James Tully' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
• James Tully is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
• The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep James Tully out. It failed miserably.
• Contrary to popular belief, James Tully, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
• Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. James Tully has 72... and they're all poisonous.
• If you ask James Tully what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
• James Tully drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
• When James Tully sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. James Tully has not had to pay taxes, ever.
• The quickest way to a man's heart is with James Tully' fist.
• James Tully invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
• CNN was originally created as the "James Tully Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
• James Tully can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
• There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures James Tully allows to live.
• James Tully once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
• What was going through the minds of all of James Tully' victims before they died? His shoe.
• James Tully is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
• Police label anyone attacking James Tully as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
• James Tully doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
• James Tully doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
• A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to James Tully and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
• James Tully will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
• Someone once videotaped James Tully getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
• If you spell James Tully in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
• James Tully originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
• Fool me once, shame on you. Fool James Tully once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
• The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball James Tully played in second grade.
• James Tully once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
• James Tully once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked James Tully re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
• James Tully has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
• Someone once tried to tell James Tully that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
• Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: James Tully once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
• James Tully is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like James Tully.
• Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of James Tully's warm-up exercises.
• James Tully is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
• In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then James Tully turned that wine into beer.
• James Tully can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
• Time waits for no man. Unless that man is James Tully.
• James Tully discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which James Tully is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, James Tully roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
• James Tully doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
• The James Tully military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single James Tully could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
• In an average living room there are 1,242 objects James Tully could use to kill you, including the room itself.
• According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that James Tully walks.
• Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
• When James Tully goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
• There are no steroids in baseball. Just players James Tully has breathed on.
• James Tully once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. James Tully won by 5.
• James Tully was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
• James Tully sheds his skin twice a year.
