Be Creative: Funny Descriptions of Audio...

[Hopkins-WitchfinderGeneral]

Post up the funniest things you've ever heard people say about the sound on albums/live etc.

I just came up with this one:

"The hi hat sounds like a fucking moth caught in a lampshade!"

Dissing of the "St Anger" snare sound is, as ever, welcome.

Edit: I was referring to the Devolved album "Calculated," clearly an easy target, for anyone that had the misfortune to hear it...

 

[MR NINE]

A famous producer trying to show off while he was producing a salsa/latin band said to the recording engineer: "can we D.I. the congas?!.... I like the "pok" sound!..."

 

[Nitronium Blood]

"The tom sounded like Sandy tapping his foreskin"

Michael Pereria [Strange Brew], commenting on Sandy's [Ex-Acquired Funk Syndrome] live drum sound after a gig.

 

[Hopkins-WitchfinderGeneral]

 

[Wadi]

A producer said this to me..." trust me, place that drumagog insert on the guitar tracks and sample it up".

Huh? Is it possible anyway? I havent tried it before...

 

[Lopes]

Frank Zappa comparing a young Steve Vai's guitar tone to that of "a deranged mosquito."

 

[Hopkins-WitchfinderGeneral]

Frank Zappa comparing a young Steve Vai's guitar tone to that of "a deranged mosquito."

I think he also compared it to a stale cheese sandwich at one point.

 

[DIOBOLIC5150]

"your snare is killing me, it sounds like you're pounding a propane tank with a crescent wrench"... my brother said that to a local band's drumer who opened for us, after a show a couple years ago. The guy looked wounded as I pissed myself laughing.

 

[Hopkins-WitchfinderGeneral]

I came up with another one last night.

"That kick sounds like flip flops rebounding offa feet!"

I think you all know that overly trigger sticky/clicky sound I mean hehe.

 

[DIOBOLIC5150]

Basketball bouncing off of a control room window. I think thats a kick on one of the Clearmountain disks. Pretty funny.

 

[Hopkins-WitchfinderGeneral]

Haha, what is it with drummers and kick sounds anyway?

TURN IT UP! MAKE IT LIKE DEREK RODDY! TYPEWRITER KICKS ARE TROO!

 

[Frank'nfurter]

Belive it or not. At a recording session few weeks ago the drummer ask me for a big mirror he needs in front of his drumset. "I even play better if I see myself playing" was his explanation.

 

[egan.]

Belive it or not. At a recording session few weeks ago the drummer ask me for a big mirror he needs in front of his drumset. "I even play better if I see myself playing" was his explanation.

I bet his girlfriend loves that.

 

[Hopkins-WitchfinderGeneral]

Does he play naked too?

 

[The ORIGINAL South Of Heaven]

I used to have my drums set up in my bedroom, right next to a mirror, since it was the only space big enough, and the mirror just so happened to be there. It really does help when you're watching what you're doing, at least it did for me. Guitar, however, it a totally different story.

The funniest audio description ever, I feel can be found from The Grimoire:

Ajjatara - Iamfaggot (Spikefarm)
Nothing says “faggot” like a nice gay piano introducing a song, especially when it’s just one note at a time, as if some homo is jumping on a trampoline and every time he comes down his dick slaps a random piano key. As you may have guessed, this is incredibly gay black metal, further queerified by the hal-assed screechy vocals that are combined with dance-club anal-cavity vocals. These musicians are as confused about which style of music they are playing as they are about their sexuality. If you happen to see them at the next faggot party, tell them that dicks should only be inserted into women, and see if that helps them make a better album.
[font=Arial, Helvetica][/font]

 

[Genius Gone Insane]

Some of my guitar solos, according to my bandmates, often sound like I'm STRANGLING A CHICKEN.

 

[Hopkins-WitchfinderGeneral]

I have that "cat caught in a mangler" sound saved on my pod.