This is great. Guess who wrote this, and you win nothing.
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Bach Ache
by ________
Look up a hypothetical index of musical geniuses over the last two centuries and you'll be sure to find three names. And they all belong to Johan Sebastian Bach (1).
Born in Vienna in 1821, he studied the piano under Mozart, Beethoven and a tree (2). In 1876 he began playing in earnest (3), but sadly Earnest was not a town known for its musical appreciation and Bach moved back to Vienna, and it was here (4) that Bach's talent would flourish. Critics regarded his music as 'nifty' and he was much in demand in not only social circles but other shapes as well.
Had he lived anywhere else, Bach might not have enjoyed the same good fortune. Miles under the sea, for example, the immense water pressure would surely have made it impossible for a vertebrate like Bach to write impressive concertos. His lack of gills alone would have caused him to drown and he is unlikely to have enjoyed a diet of only plankton. Only after extensive surgery could Bach have inhibited the depths of the world's oceans. But such a massive series of operations would have been time-consuming, medically impossible and costly.
The moon, too, would have been out of the question, particularly if Bach had already gone to the effort to be converted into a sea creature. He was a fool to have even considered it (5)
(1) But not in that order, obviously, because an index is alphabetical, although different rules may apply here as the index is hypothetical.
(2) Quite why all three were on top of pianos is a moot point.
(3) Earnest, Romania.
(4) Or there, depending on where I am (or you are).
(5) No footnote required here.
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Bach Ache
by ________
Look up a hypothetical index of musical geniuses over the last two centuries and you'll be sure to find three names. And they all belong to Johan Sebastian Bach (1).
Born in Vienna in 1821, he studied the piano under Mozart, Beethoven and a tree (2). In 1876 he began playing in earnest (3), but sadly Earnest was not a town known for its musical appreciation and Bach moved back to Vienna, and it was here (4) that Bach's talent would flourish. Critics regarded his music as 'nifty' and he was much in demand in not only social circles but other shapes as well.
Had he lived anywhere else, Bach might not have enjoyed the same good fortune. Miles under the sea, for example, the immense water pressure would surely have made it impossible for a vertebrate like Bach to write impressive concertos. His lack of gills alone would have caused him to drown and he is unlikely to have enjoyed a diet of only plankton. Only after extensive surgery could Bach have inhibited the depths of the world's oceans. But such a massive series of operations would have been time-consuming, medically impossible and costly.
The moon, too, would have been out of the question, particularly if Bach had already gone to the effort to be converted into a sea creature. He was a fool to have even considered it (5)
(1) But not in that order, obviously, because an index is alphabetical, although different rules may apply here as the index is hypothetical.
(2) Quite why all three were on top of pianos is a moot point.
(3) Earnest, Romania.
(4) Or there, depending on where I am (or you are).
(5) No footnote required here.
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