Check out this composition! (original)

[rchoi54]

Hi everyone,

I'm working on a new song atm and I wanted to share what I had so far with you to get some feedback.

Don't worry about the mixing, it's all put together pretty roughly. The only thing I really worked on so far is the guitar tone, so I wouldn't mind getting some feedback on that.

What I really want feedback on is the writing/composition!!

Also, what bands does this style remind you of?

Go at it: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/3371179/song13rough.mp3

 

[Toxic Grind Machine]

Sounds awesome to me, really hard to tell you about what i think of the writing, since it's only a snippet of a full song right?
It had my interest from the 1st second and i never faded because it keeps switching things up.. would be nice to have some sort of returning hook in the entire song i guess, but that's all so subjective.

I can only say that the obvious cuts in the guitars could be more subtle, maybe leave some room in between the cuts and fade them in or out just a bit.. otherwise you really get that uber-mechanical vibe, and it really reveals the cuts on headphones btw.

 

[jackbraglia]

my first thought was "sped-up lamb of god"

 

[Oske7]

Really cool riffs in there, sounds good! As long as you can pull this back together later on in the song, maybe with something similar to one of these first couple sections, it'll turn it from a collection of different riffs into a cohesive song. Good work, yo!