Death Metal song (need feedback)

[Bloodsoaked666]

I would love to get feedback from fans of death metal music on the overall song and the song writing of my latest song. Any and all comments are welcome good or bad.

http://www.lightningmp3.com/live/file.php?fid=5441


Here are the lyrics as well if anyone is interested:

SELF MUTILATION

Mutilate Yourself
Sensory Stimulation
Production of Endorphins
Reduce Dysphoria

Destruction of Tissue
Cutting The Skin
Pulling Out Hair
Amputation

Breaking Bones
Scratching
Damage Genitals
Gouging Eyes

Self Mutilation
Revel In Bloodshed
Self Mutilation
Suffocate The Hate
Self Mutilation
Love The Pain
Self Mutilation
Depression Arise

Obsessive Compulsive
Parasuicidal Behavior
Self Medication
Relief is Temporary

Lack Self Control
Addictive Like Nature
Sense of Power
I Can't Stop

Self Mutilation
Revel In Bloodshed
Self Mutilation
Suffocate The Hate
Self Mutilation
Love The Pain
Self Mutilation
Depression Arise

The Feast Begins
Peel Off Your Skin
Taste The Sins of Your Soul
Mental Anguish Erupts
Mutilation of Worthlessness
The Hate For Yourself So Vile

Self Mutilation
Revel In Bloodshed
Self Mutilation
Suffocate The Hate
Self Mutilation
Love The Pain
Self Mutilation
Depression Arise

Dark Secret
Shame and Guilt
Feel Inadequate
Revel The Pain

Wounds Infected
Permanent Scarring
Blood Flows
Followed By Tears

Razors,Knives
Scissors, Needles
Broken Glass
Whatever I Find

Feeling Alive
Dead Inside
Lost Control
I Need Help....Help.....Help.....Help.....Help.......Help

 

[Zephyrus]

link doesn't work

 

[Bloodsoaked666]

link doesn't work

I just tried it and it is working fine. Try right clicking the link and "Save Target as".



http://www.lightningmp3.com/live/file.php?fid=5441


Peter

 

[Cythraul]

The lyrics are really original and interesting.

 

[Slayed Necros]

The lyrics tell me not to click it.

 

[Zephyrus]

The lyrics are really original and interesting.

Yeah a song title like "To Storm the Cyclopean Gates of Byzantium" would have worked better. Now that's original.

 

[Astrum]

Eh, that was my first thought.

Crappy, if you ask me. No offense, but you did ask for feedback.

 

[Bloodsoaked666]

Eh, that was my first thought.

Crappy, if you ask me. No offense, but you did ask for feedback.

The whole song? Lyrics? Vocals?


Thanks for taking the time to listen.


Peter

 

[V.V.V.V.V.]

Take it to self-promotion, though do heed the words given to you by GMD posters.

 

[Bloodsoaked666]

Take it to self-promotion, though do heed the words given to you by GMD posters.

Was not really looking to promote the song or band. I was really hoping to get feedback from death metal fans in general. I have posten the the self-promotion forum and you might get 2 or 3 comments. I posted here as this is a very busy forum. I did not post my band name at all either as I was just looking for feedback on the song and not promotion for the band.


Peter

 

[Satanstoenail]

Ok since no-one else has bothered, I'll give you some constructive criticism.

I reckon you shouldn't have posted the lyrics, everyone will judge it on them before listening to the music, and the lyrics are pretty standard death metal fare anyway. The music is not as bad as I thought it'd be, it'd sound a whole bunch better with real drums though. And maybe break it up somewhere with a slower chuggy passage or something. Also, that cymbal catch riff that starts the song is used way too much. Decent guitar sound though and the vocals aren't too bad.

 

[Bloodsoaked666]

Ok since no-one else has bothered, I'll give you some constructive criticism.

I reckon you shouldn't have posted the lyrics, everyone will judge it on them before listening to the music, and the lyrics are pretty standard death metal fare anyway. The music is not as bad as I thought it'd be, it'd sound a whole bunch better with real drums though. And maybe break it up somewhere with a slower chuggy passage or something. Also, that cymbal catch riff that starts the song is used way too much. Decent guitar sound though and the vocals aren't too bad.

Thanks allot for taking the time to listen and comment.

The main reason I posted the lyrics as I know when I listen to death metal I like to follow along with the lyrics no matter if they are gore style, political driven or satanic. I would agree they are standare death metal lyrics but that is what I like about it I guess...LOL

I agree that with real drums the song would sound better but I do not have a real drummer and I did program the drums the best I could to get a good feel to them. I am not a drummer at all so I just go by feel at to what should sound good.

This is the 6th song I have writen and wanted it to be straight forward with really no break-downs or slow parts. I do have a good amount of chuggy parts to my other songs but at just about 3 minutes and 40 seconds I thought the song worked. If your interested in checking out my other songs see the links below.

Thanks,
Peter

 

[gybberisque]

I like the tonal qualities of the vocals, and the delivery - but I can't help wish that there was a bit more variation for the vocals. This could be in part that the song doesn't really lend itself to a more varied vocal delivery, but a different approach might spice up things. That being said, things seem very formulaic - I.E. this is technically inferior to a lot of metal these days. I'm not saying that you have to be a Malmsteen, but this reminds me of generic early swedish death metal. The rhythm guitar is very solid, I just wish that the riffing was more varied (as my mind loses interest around the 0:25 mark.) You just have to be careful to make sure that things don't sound like a cut/paste riff-fest and more like a continuous flow of music if you decide to vary you riffs more. I agree with whomever made the comment about the drums decreasing the quality of the overall listen - but I know that it's hard to make things sound too realistic without a lot of money/work. As far as lyrics go - I don't believe that they have to be groundbreaking, or a work of poetry, but when a band wows me lyrically, I do take notice. Honestly, I wouldn't be impressed enough to buy a CD based on this sample or even to keep the mp3 I downloaded. I hope that this has been somewhat helpful, and I will happily keep in touch should find my criticism useful. Keep on pushing yourself/yourselves and don't settle for anything less than what you want! Take care, Chris

 

[The lone wolf reckless]

Ok since no-one else has bothered, I'll give you some constructive criticism.

I reckon you shouldn't have posted the lyrics, everyone will judge it on them before listening to the music, and the lyrics are pretty standard death metal fare anyway. The music is not as bad as I thought it'd be, it'd sound a whole bunch better with real drums though. And maybe break it up somewhere with a slower chuggy passage or something. Also, that cymbal catch riff that starts the song is used way too much. Decent guitar sound though and the vocals aren't too bad.

I concer with this man. He is of sound mind.

I'm in a band and we do death grind stuff but I can not do those type of vocals and if I do do them I use them sparingly. Do you have any excerises that you do?

 

[Bloodsoaked666]

I concer with this man. He is of sound mind.

I'm in a band and we do death grind stuff but I can not do those type of vocals and if I do do them I use them sparingly. Do you have any excerises that you do?

When I do my vocals I always make sure that I do allot of talking for about 1/2 hour before hand to warm up my throat and I also drink soda...LOL

It works for me.


Peter

 

[Bloodsoaked666]

I like the tonal qualities of the vocals, and the delivery - but I can't help wish that there was a bit more variation for the vocals. This could be in part that the song doesn't really lend itself to a more varied vocal delivery, but a different approach might spice up things. That being said, things seem very formulaic - I.E. this is technically inferior to a lot of metal these days. I'm not saying that you have to be a Malmsteen, but this reminds me of generic early swedish death metal. The rhythm guitar is very solid, I just wish that the riffing was more varied (as my mind loses interest around the 0:25 mark.) You just have to be careful to make sure that things don't sound like a cut/paste riff-fest and more like a continuous flow of music if you decide to vary you riffs more. I agree with whomever made the comment about the drums decreasing the quality of the overall listen - but I know that it's hard to make things sound too realistic without a lot of money/work. As far as lyrics go - I don't believe that they have to be groundbreaking, or a work of poetry, but when a band wows me lyrically, I do take notice. Honestly, I wouldn't be impressed enough to buy a CD based on this sample or even to keep the mp3 I downloaded. I hope that this has been somewhat helpful, and I will happily keep in touch should find my criticism useful. Keep on pushing yourself/yourselves and don't settle for anything less than what you want! Take care, Chris

Hey Chris, thanks for taking the time to listen and comment. While I agree that this song alone might sound like a cut/paste riff-fest in the context of the full 8 song CD I feel that it has its place. All of my other songs do have some breakdowns and slower chuncky parts but I jsut wanted this song to be straight forward. It this song and my other technically inferior to other death metal out now? With-out-a-doubt but I am not looking (and can not play) very technical music as well. Look at Obituary, nothing technical about them at all but a great death metal band they have been for years.

Damn, I thought this was a great song lyrical as well....your killing me....LOL

Again, I appreciate the comments and thank you again for listening.


Peter

 

[gybberisque]

Sorry about the unclear lyrics comment - I didn't mean that your lyrics were bad. I liked them, I was just commenting that lyrics come after the music in my book. Sometimes simple music can be very elegant (like Grave/Bloodbath/Obituary), but I think this song needs to grow a bit to feel elegant (you don't have to slow it down or anything, maybe try a few slight variations of your current rhythms in different parts.) I think that you will find that with a straight-forward song, you have less room for error to impress the listener.