DEATH-METAL-TO-ENGLISH TRANSLATOR RELEASED FOR WINDOWS PC'S
Tuscon, Arizona-based Silicavista, a publicly-held software and design firm, has released the worlds first death-metal-to-English translation software for Windows-based computers. "Unmangler" version 1.0 will be released September 13 with a suggested retail price of $59.95.
CEO Matt Jacoby said in a press release that "as the underground extreme music scene grows, were seeing a lot more people whove spent so much time playing in, or listening to, brutal death metal bands, theyve lost their ability to communicate with the non-underground world. Their only source of news becomes Xeroxed fanzines, and their sole social outlet is the mosh pit. Our software will enable these people to re-enter society at their own pace."
The software is simple to use: the user speaks a sentence into a microphone, which is decoded and translated, then recited back in English. For example, barking the following phrase into the mic in a guttural tone:
"A purulent haemmorhage of saline excreta doth cast down the visage of the whore."
Was translated by the software as:
"My mother was crying."
And:
"Laughingly ingest the mangled and seared embryos, sever the strips of porcine flesh, burn them to crisps with maniacal glee, consign the mudiferous quadruped to death."
becomes:
"Would you like some scrambled eggs and bacon?"
Jacoby points out that the software works both ways, enabling anyone to instantly write death metal lyrics "simply by saying common, ordinary things into the Unmangler software." Thus, "smile!" becomes:
"Endure a muscular-skeletal rictus reaction, annihilating despair, exposing gleaming incisors"
To further demonstrate the Unmangler softwares capabilities, Jacoby recited the lyrics to R.E.M.s "Shiny Happy People" into the mic (see chart below). "As you can see, Unmangler even creates, and translates, the nonsensical made-up words many death metal bands use when the English language just isnt gory enough as-is."
Death metal scenesters reacted to the news with grunts, growls and unearthly shrieks of gratitude. Rich Lipscomb, of United Guttural Records (home of Lividity, Ton, Rotting and Malignancy), said "many of the artists on my label have been speaking in death metal terminology for so long, they can no longer hold jobs or function in the mainstream. Most of them are on public assistance, or making a meager living from t-shirt sales. Being able to communicate with the world at large will help them regain their self-esteem, become self-sufficient, and vastly improve the quality of their lives.
"What can I say? This makes me happy as a gutsfucking necrovore at a putrid mass gravesite."
- Keith Bergman
Tuscon, Arizona-based Silicavista, a publicly-held software and design firm, has released the worlds first death-metal-to-English translation software for Windows-based computers. "Unmangler" version 1.0 will be released September 13 with a suggested retail price of $59.95.
CEO Matt Jacoby said in a press release that "as the underground extreme music scene grows, were seeing a lot more people whove spent so much time playing in, or listening to, brutal death metal bands, theyve lost their ability to communicate with the non-underground world. Their only source of news becomes Xeroxed fanzines, and their sole social outlet is the mosh pit. Our software will enable these people to re-enter society at their own pace."
The software is simple to use: the user speaks a sentence into a microphone, which is decoded and translated, then recited back in English. For example, barking the following phrase into the mic in a guttural tone:
"A purulent haemmorhage of saline excreta doth cast down the visage of the whore."
Was translated by the software as:
"My mother was crying."
And:
"Laughingly ingest the mangled and seared embryos, sever the strips of porcine flesh, burn them to crisps with maniacal glee, consign the mudiferous quadruped to death."
becomes:
"Would you like some scrambled eggs and bacon?"
Jacoby points out that the software works both ways, enabling anyone to instantly write death metal lyrics "simply by saying common, ordinary things into the Unmangler software." Thus, "smile!" becomes:
"Endure a muscular-skeletal rictus reaction, annihilating despair, exposing gleaming incisors"
To further demonstrate the Unmangler softwares capabilities, Jacoby recited the lyrics to R.E.M.s "Shiny Happy People" into the mic (see chart below). "As you can see, Unmangler even creates, and translates, the nonsensical made-up words many death metal bands use when the English language just isnt gory enough as-is."
Death metal scenesters reacted to the news with grunts, growls and unearthly shrieks of gratitude. Rich Lipscomb, of United Guttural Records (home of Lividity, Ton, Rotting and Malignancy), said "many of the artists on my label have been speaking in death metal terminology for so long, they can no longer hold jobs or function in the mainstream. Most of them are on public assistance, or making a meager living from t-shirt sales. Being able to communicate with the world at large will help them regain their self-esteem, become self-sufficient, and vastly improve the quality of their lives.
"What can I say? This makes me happy as a gutsfucking necrovore at a putrid mass gravesite."
- Keith Bergman
