Mr. One-Up
Regardless of what you're talking about, Mr. One-Up always has a story, link, or image that can top whatever you may produce. Did you find a hilarious picture of a man being run over by an ice cream truck? Well Mr. One-Up saw that image YEARS ago and has something way better! Did you find a movie trailer for a really obscure and cool looking foreign film? Mr. One-Up knew about that film within seconds of the director even dreaming up the idea! No matter what you write or send to him, it will regardlessly be inferior to the follow-up that Mr. One-Up will send back. In real life, he's what scientists commonly refer to as "a jerk."
EXAMPLE CONVERSATION:
YOU: Hey man, did you check out that site URL I just sent you?
MR. ONE-UP: Yeah, I saw it like three years ago. That's old news. Where the fuck have you been? I've seen that link like 50,000 times. I can't believe you haven't seen it before. Jesus Christ you're pathetic. Here's a funnier link that I just found yesterday. Nobody knows about it but me. I found it myself. If somebody else tells you about it, it's because they must've gotten it from me. Check this out:
http://www.goatse.cx.
YOU: Dude, I've seen that before
(Two minute pause)
MR. ONE-UP: Liar.