i got this off of the machine head forum in their archived threads. its from robb flynn. this is fucking classic.
Author Comment Robert Flynn
Machine Head
Posts: 209
(3/31/03 1:22 pm)
The First Time I Ever...... Pee-d in Depends Adult Diapers.
Ah Yes.........
Vodka and Coca Cola, how I love / hate thee.
It was late Sept. of 97'. and we were just wrapping up the Pantera / Machine Head / Corn Chamber Tour. Pantera was on tour for their Live album "101 Proof", and The Head were on tour for "The More Things Change". To say the booze was flowing like water would be the understatement of the year. The Vodka Kings were hell bent on giving Whiskey Kings a run for their money, and both bands gleefully rose to the occasion.
For reasons beyond human comprehension, I had adopted a post show, alter ego named "Rufus", who would suddenly appear whenever I was hammered ( which was often ). I was Robb's brother "Rufus", who worked for MH, hence the reason he was around. I would put on a black haired afro wig, some 70's Elvis sun glasses, tape "X's" in black duct tape over my nipples, ( an inside joke I would carry on through the TBR tour ), put in Billy Bob teeth, and walk around in nothing but my boxer shorts and tennis shoes.
Rufus became very popular at Parties.
But after being Rufus for 2 or 3 weeks, I felt Rufus needed to go to a new level.
"A new leveeeeeel
of Rufus-ness"........
inspired by the Pantera song I heard nightly.
I had somehow come to the conclusion that, a grown man in his late 20's named Robb, walking around with a black afro, nipple tape, Elvis shades, Billy Bob teeth, in nothing but his Boxers and tennis shoes, wasted out of his mind, and referring to himself as "Robb's brother Rufus", just wasn't stupid enough.
So I decided that on the last night of the tour, Rufus would go to the next level of ridiculous-ness. We would do our standard last night of tour shenanigans, but this time Rufus would appear on stage and sing "This Love" with Pantera, in Depends Adult Diapers instead of boxer shorts, and pee in them on-stage in front of 3000 Texan's.
Pantera had already been letting us and Coal Chamber come up and sing the back-ups to "This Love" with them, and "Rufus" had already made some guest appearances, so this actually wouldn't be that unusual.
Upon telling my plan to the guys, Adam and Logan both burst into laughter, and had to be part of the gag.
Dave would have nothing to do with it.
The plan would be, to finish playing our show, and proceed to drink a fifth of Stolichnaya Vodka between the 3 of us before "This Love" which was near the end of Pantera's set. Then don our Diapers and dance around like idiots, peeing, and singing "This Love".
We sent a runner from the venue ( the guy whose job is to "run around" ) to go get some Depends. But upon returning, he had opted to buy Generic Adult Diapers and not "Depends".
"Not to worry" I said, "I'm sure they're all the same".
So, we drank our fifth, I donned my Rufus garb, put on my Generic Adult Diapers, looked at myself in the mirror and
thought.......
"I love it!"
Then I thought, "Maybe you should pee in them to make sure they actually work..........."
"I gotta take a pee............."
"go for it"
"Wait........"
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh".
I felt the wet, very warm stream of urine flush all over balls and butt and thought to myself, "The Generic Adult Diapers WERE working.....KILLER! I'll go tell the other........ uh-oh"
I felt a wet, very warm stream of urine rush down my leg, and
proceed right into my shoe where it nearly over flowed on to the carpet.
"What the fuck?!? These bullshit ass Generic Diapers" I cursed.
I squished over to the front of the bus where the other guys were and told them my dilemma.
"Dude's!?!? These diapers don't work for shit!!!"
"What?!?!?!"
Just then, we hear the first strands of "This Love" being played in the background.
They slammed on there diapers, and within seconds the 4 of us were on-stage, drunk, 3 of us in Generic Adult Diapers, 1 of us wearing an afro, nipple tape, Elvis shades, and Billy Bob Teeth, singing "This Love" with one of our favorite bands, in front of 3000 Texan's, and having one helluva time.
Photographic evidence here:
We said our good-byes and gave our hugs to the band's, got on the bus still wearing our diapers, and proceeded to drink our 2nd fifth of Stoli as we began driving to our show in Houston the next day, and the start of our headlining tour with Snot supporting.
Upon finishing the 2nd bottle of Stoli, I declared,
"These Generic Diapers are BULLSHIT. I bet you real Depends
wouldn't leak pee down our legs", I squished around still wearing my urine filled shoe.
"Let's get some real Depends"
"Yeah, lets have the bus driver pull over at the next Wal-Mart and get REAL Depends"
"Yeah!!"
"Fuck Yeah!!"
We screamed, hooted and hollered, and the 3 of us reveled at our brilliance, while standing around wearing diapers.
At this point Dave gave up and said "Fuck this, I'm going to bed".
Our bus driver consented, and we pulled over at the next Wal-Mart as the 3 of us gleefully trounced into Wal-Mart wearing only diapers and tennis shoes, afro, and nipple tape, demanding to know where the Depends section might be.
We found them, and proceeded to grab them, when one of the female employees for Wal-Mart approached us and asked if we were in a band.
"You bet cha" Logan replied.
"Can I get ya'lls autograph?" The employee shyly asked.
"Sure, .....you want to see my cock too?" Logan blurted.
And proceeded to whip out his his member and spin it around at the horrified girl.
We roared with laughter and trounced out of Wal-Mart, thrilled to have flashed a Wal-Mart employee, and finally have REAL Depends to pee in.
Starting our 3rd bottle of Stoli, I volunteered to try the Depends, since my first try, was still squishing around my foot ( No, I have no idea why I didn't just change my shoe )
With great anticipation I put them on, and thought ....."Man......these better work". I started peeing in my Depends Adult Under Garments. The warm, wet urine running all over my balls and butt.
"Wait....
Wait....
Wait...."
They didn't drip I thought.
"WOO - HOO!!!!!" I yelled.
I lifted my leg they didn't drip, I did the splits they didn't drip,
"They don't drip, Woo - Hoo!!!!!" I cheered.
Adam and Logan immediately stood up and started peeing as well. There were the 3 of us, standing around pee-ing in Adult Diapers at 60 miles an hour, drinking our 3rd bottle of Vodka.
We 3 proceeded to Dog pile / wrestle each other in celebration of our functioning diapers, right by our Bus Driver Tomcat ( a habit we had, very un-wisely, gotten into. A habit which had already resulted in nearly running the bus off the road 3 times. Once from me kicking him in the back of the head ).
He pulled over and laid into us for our stupidity about wrestling by the driver again. The 3 of us sat there in our Depends, silent, like 3rd graders.
"Sorry Tom" we peeped, hanging our heads in shame.
Tomcat started up the bus again. And we thought "Hey!! Let's crack open another bottle of Stoli and pee in our Depends again"
"Yeah!!! Woo-Hoo!!!"
So bottle number 4 got cracked and we begin hydrating ourselves to have a group pee session.
"We'll all pee at the same time, YEAH!!!"
So.........there we were, drunk out of our minds, standing around, group peeing all over ourselves in Depends Adult Diapers, at 60 miles an hour, with one of us wearing a afro wig, Billy Bob Teeth, Elvis shades, nipple tape, and one urine soaked tennis shoe, roaring with laughter, when......
As our friends the British would say.......
It all went pear shaped.
The first sign of the on coming pear-shaped-ness, were the Police sirens.
Yes, the Texas Police had been playing "catch up" for over an
hour across the state of Texas. Our bus driver Tomcat went into a rage. "Holy shit you assholes, your little wrestling stint is getting us pulled over".
"Huh??" We three mumbled.
The cops approached the Bus as the three of us sat silent in our pee soaked Depends and squishy pee shoe, trying to listen to Tomcat and the officer's. I thought it appropriate to take off the afro wig and Elvis shades to "straighten up".
"We've got a report of a green haired gentlemen from this bus, flashing his penis at Wal-Mart".
"What?! That fuggin' bitch turn me in?!?!?" Logan slurred in a
whisper.
Tomcat came on the bus, "Get down here asshole!!!, He said to Logan. "You two assholes stay put and don't say a word" he glared to Adam and I. We complied.
So Logan went down to speak to the officers, green dread locked pineapple on top of his head, tattoos, in Depends Adult diapers and tennis shoes, with well over a fifth of vodka inside of him, and surprisingly!, AMAZINGLY!!, UNBELIEVABLY!!! He managed to convince the cops that they had the wrong guy. That there was another group of diaper wearing madmen called Coal Chamber, and that he didn't actually flash his penis in Wal-Mart, it was the other group of "diaper wear-ers".
And while the whole thing seemed ridiculously unbelievable, the cops, confused beyond belief, eventually gave up and let us go. To celebrate our victory in corn swaggling the Texas cops, we continued on our 4th bottle of Vodka, drinking and pee-ing in our diapers, until we got to Houston at 10:00AM.
Where upon arriving, Adam, wasted out of his mind, decided to confess to his girlfriend, who had arrived just earlier that day, that he had been laying the pipe to Maria the singer for Drain STH.
She promptly broke up with him.
I decided to go call my girlfriend, and profess my love to her.
Logan vomited for the next 2 hours.
As I stood at the pay phone in the 110 degree Texas heat, at 11 AM, wasted, still in my diapers, listening to the occasional carload full of jocks drive by and yell,
"FREAK!!!!!!!",
babbling my love to my extremely forgiving girlfriend, our new tour mates Snot arrive.
"Aren't you Robb from Machine Head?" One of em' asked.
"Hhhey!" I slurred, "Waas goin on"
They stood there horrified for a couple of seconds, staring at my wasted, diaper wearing ass, then walked away.
"Fug tows guys" I thought to myself.
Eventually I went to sleep around 1 PM, still in my diapers. Woke up in so much pain I literally couldn't even walk. My cock, balls, and ass shriveled and severly pruned from marinating in urine all night. I somehow managed to play the show in the 120 degree Texas club.
Logan and I both puking on the side of the stage occasionally, and kicking off the first night of our headlining tour.
woo - hoo
I went to sleep, without changing the sheets, and woke up in New Orleans.
We went to Anselmo's that afternoon to watch the Boxing Match, drink beer, and then play a show later on that night at "Zepplin's".
After the show a great guy named "Snowflake" took us to every bar in New Orlean's, where after 15 or so shots of "Hot Damn" we decided to have a falling back off the barstool contest.
As I sat ther staring at the ceiling of the some crusty New Orleans bar, having just fallen backwards off my barstool for the third time, Slayer's "Hell Awaits" blaring from the jukebox in the background, I
thought to myself.
"I should really retire Rufus now".
"I need a shower"
"I need to wash all this piss off my pruned ass and balls".
"I need a break from drinking".
"My back hurts, I need another shot of Hot Damn".
"WOO - HOO!!!!! I'm on tour!!!!!!".
The End.
Let's hear some stories from you guys!
Edited by: Robert Flynn at: 3/31/03 12:24:44 pm
---------------------------------------------------
Author Comment Robert Flynn
Machine Head
Posts: 209
(3/31/03 1:22 pm)
Ah Yes.........
Vodka and Coca Cola, how I love / hate thee.
It was late Sept. of 97'. and we were just wrapping up the Pantera / Machine Head / Corn Chamber Tour. Pantera was on tour for their Live album "101 Proof", and The Head were on tour for "The More Things Change". To say the booze was flowing like water would be the understatement of the year. The Vodka Kings were hell bent on giving Whiskey Kings a run for their money, and both bands gleefully rose to the occasion.
For reasons beyond human comprehension, I had adopted a post show, alter ego named "Rufus", who would suddenly appear whenever I was hammered ( which was often ). I was Robb's brother "Rufus", who worked for MH, hence the reason he was around. I would put on a black haired afro wig, some 70's Elvis sun glasses, tape "X's" in black duct tape over my nipples, ( an inside joke I would carry on through the TBR tour ), put in Billy Bob teeth, and walk around in nothing but my boxer shorts and tennis shoes.
Rufus became very popular at Parties.
But after being Rufus for 2 or 3 weeks, I felt Rufus needed to go to a new level.
"A new leveeeeeel
of Rufus-ness"........
inspired by the Pantera song I heard nightly.
I had somehow come to the conclusion that, a grown man in his late 20's named Robb, walking around with a black afro, nipple tape, Elvis shades, Billy Bob teeth, in nothing but his Boxers and tennis shoes, wasted out of his mind, and referring to himself as "Robb's brother Rufus", just wasn't stupid enough.
So I decided that on the last night of the tour, Rufus would go to the next level of ridiculous-ness. We would do our standard last night of tour shenanigans, but this time Rufus would appear on stage and sing "This Love" with Pantera, in Depends Adult Diapers instead of boxer shorts, and pee in them on-stage in front of 3000 Texan's.
Pantera had already been letting us and Coal Chamber come up and sing the back-ups to "This Love" with them, and "Rufus" had already made some guest appearances, so this actually wouldn't be that unusual.
Upon telling my plan to the guys, Adam and Logan both burst into laughter, and had to be part of the gag.
Dave would have nothing to do with it.
The plan would be, to finish playing our show, and proceed to drink a fifth of Stolichnaya Vodka between the 3 of us before "This Love" which was near the end of Pantera's set. Then don our Diapers and dance around like idiots, peeing, and singing "This Love".
We sent a runner from the venue ( the guy whose job is to "run around" ) to go get some Depends. But upon returning, he had opted to buy Generic Adult Diapers and not "Depends".
"Not to worry" I said, "I'm sure they're all the same".
So, we drank our fifth, I donned my Rufus garb, put on my Generic Adult Diapers, looked at myself in the mirror and
thought.......
"I love it!"
Then I thought, "Maybe you should pee in them to make sure they actually work..........."
"I gotta take a pee............."
"go for it"
"Wait........"
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh".
I felt the wet, very warm stream of urine flush all over balls and butt and thought to myself, "The Generic Adult Diapers WERE working.....KILLER! I'll go tell the other........ uh-oh"
I felt a wet, very warm stream of urine rush down my leg, and
proceed right into my shoe where it nearly over flowed on to the carpet.
"What the fuck?!? These bullshit ass Generic Diapers" I cursed.
I squished over to the front of the bus where the other guys were and told them my dilemma.
"Dude's!?!? These diapers don't work for shit!!!"
"What?!?!?!"
Just then, we hear the first strands of "This Love" being played in the background.
They slammed on there diapers, and within seconds the 4 of us were on-stage, drunk, 3 of us in Generic Adult Diapers, 1 of us wearing an afro, nipple tape, Elvis shades, and Billy Bob Teeth, singing "This Love" with one of our favorite bands, in front of 3000 Texan's, and having one helluva time.
Photographic evidence here:
We said our good-byes and gave our hugs to the band's, got on the bus still wearing our diapers, and proceeded to drink our 2nd fifth of Stoli as we began driving to our show in Houston the next day, and the start of our headlining tour with Snot supporting.
Upon finishing the 2nd bottle of Stoli, I declared,
"These Generic Diapers are BULLSHIT. I bet you real Depends
wouldn't leak pee down our legs", I squished around still wearing my urine filled shoe.
"Let's get some real Depends"
"Yeah, lets have the bus driver pull over at the next Wal-Mart and get REAL Depends"
"Yeah!!"
"Fuck Yeah!!"
We screamed, hooted and hollered, and the 3 of us reveled at our brilliance, while standing around wearing diapers.
At this point Dave gave up and said "Fuck this, I'm going to bed".
Our bus driver consented, and we pulled over at the next Wal-Mart as the 3 of us gleefully trounced into Wal-Mart wearing only diapers and tennis shoes, afro, and nipple tape, demanding to know where the Depends section might be.
We found them, and proceeded to grab them, when one of the female employees for Wal-Mart approached us and asked if we were in a band.
"You bet cha" Logan replied.
"Can I get ya'lls autograph?" The employee shyly asked.
"Sure, .....you want to see my cock too?" Logan blurted.
And proceeded to whip out his his member and spin it around at the horrified girl.
We roared with laughter and trounced out of Wal-Mart, thrilled to have flashed a Wal-Mart employee, and finally have REAL Depends to pee in.
Starting our 3rd bottle of Stoli, I volunteered to try the Depends, since my first try, was still squishing around my foot ( No, I have no idea why I didn't just change my shoe )
With great anticipation I put them on, and thought ....."Man......these better work". I started peeing in my Depends Adult Under Garments. The warm, wet urine running all over my balls and butt.
"Wait....
Wait....
Wait...."
They didn't drip I thought.
"WOO - HOO!!!!!" I yelled.
I lifted my leg they didn't drip, I did the splits they didn't drip,
"They don't drip, Woo - Hoo!!!!!" I cheered.
Adam and Logan immediately stood up and started peeing as well. There were the 3 of us, standing around pee-ing in Adult Diapers at 60 miles an hour, drinking our 3rd bottle of Vodka.
We 3 proceeded to Dog pile / wrestle each other in celebration of our functioning diapers, right by our Bus Driver Tomcat ( a habit we had, very un-wisely, gotten into. A habit which had already resulted in nearly running the bus off the road 3 times. Once from me kicking him in the back of the head ).
He pulled over and laid into us for our stupidity about wrestling by the driver again. The 3 of us sat there in our Depends, silent, like 3rd graders.
"Sorry Tom" we peeped, hanging our heads in shame.
Tomcat started up the bus again. And we thought "Hey!! Let's crack open another bottle of Stoli and pee in our Depends again"
"Yeah!!! Woo-Hoo!!!"
So bottle number 4 got cracked and we begin hydrating ourselves to have a group pee session.
"We'll all pee at the same time, YEAH!!!"
So.........there we were, drunk out of our minds, standing around, group peeing all over ourselves in Depends Adult Diapers, at 60 miles an hour, with one of us wearing a afro wig, Billy Bob Teeth, Elvis shades, nipple tape, and one urine soaked tennis shoe, roaring with laughter, when......
As our friends the British would say.......
It all went pear shaped.
The first sign of the on coming pear-shaped-ness, were the Police sirens.
Yes, the Texas Police had been playing "catch up" for over an
hour across the state of Texas. Our bus driver Tomcat went into a rage. "Holy shit you assholes, your little wrestling stint is getting us pulled over".
"Huh??" We three mumbled.
The cops approached the Bus as the three of us sat silent in our pee soaked Depends and squishy pee shoe, trying to listen to Tomcat and the officer's. I thought it appropriate to take off the afro wig and Elvis shades to "straighten up".
"We've got a report of a green haired gentlemen from this bus, flashing his penis at Wal-Mart".
"What?! That fuggin' bitch turn me in?!?!?" Logan slurred in a
whisper.
Tomcat came on the bus, "Get down here asshole!!!, He said to Logan. "You two assholes stay put and don't say a word" he glared to Adam and I. We complied.
So Logan went down to speak to the officers, green dread locked pineapple on top of his head, tattoos, in Depends Adult diapers and tennis shoes, with well over a fifth of vodka inside of him, and surprisingly!, AMAZINGLY!!, UNBELIEVABLY!!! He managed to convince the cops that they had the wrong guy. That there was another group of diaper wearing madmen called Coal Chamber, and that he didn't actually flash his penis in Wal-Mart, it was the other group of "diaper wear-ers".
And while the whole thing seemed ridiculously unbelievable, the cops, confused beyond belief, eventually gave up and let us go. To celebrate our victory in corn swaggling the Texas cops, we continued on our 4th bottle of Vodka, drinking and pee-ing in our diapers, until we got to Houston at 10:00AM.
Where upon arriving, Adam, wasted out of his mind, decided to confess to his girlfriend, who had arrived just earlier that day, that he had been laying the pipe to Maria the singer for Drain STH.
She promptly broke up with him.
I decided to go call my girlfriend, and profess my love to her.
Logan vomited for the next 2 hours.
As I stood at the pay phone in the 110 degree Texas heat, at 11 AM, wasted, still in my diapers, listening to the occasional carload full of jocks drive by and yell,
"FREAK!!!!!!!",
babbling my love to my extremely forgiving girlfriend, our new tour mates Snot arrive.
"Aren't you Robb from Machine Head?" One of em' asked.
"Hhhey!" I slurred, "Waas goin on"
They stood there horrified for a couple of seconds, staring at my wasted, diaper wearing ass, then walked away.
"Fug tows guys" I thought to myself.
Eventually I went to sleep around 1 PM, still in my diapers. Woke up in so much pain I literally couldn't even walk. My cock, balls, and ass shriveled and severly pruned from marinating in urine all night. I somehow managed to play the show in the 120 degree Texas club.
Logan and I both puking on the side of the stage occasionally, and kicking off the first night of our headlining tour.
woo - hoo
I went to sleep, without changing the sheets, and woke up in New Orleans.
We went to Anselmo's that afternoon to watch the Boxing Match, drink beer, and then play a show later on that night at "Zepplin's".
After the show a great guy named "Snowflake" took us to every bar in New Orlean's, where after 15 or so shots of "Hot Damn" we decided to have a falling back off the barstool contest.
As I sat ther staring at the ceiling of the some crusty New Orleans bar, having just fallen backwards off my barstool for the third time, Slayer's "Hell Awaits" blaring from the jukebox in the background, I
thought to myself.
"I should really retire Rufus now".
"I need a shower"
"I need to wash all this piss off my pruned ass and balls".
"I need a break from drinking".
"My back hurts, I need another shot of Hot Damn".
"WOO - HOO!!!!! I'm on tour!!!!!!".
The End.
Let's hear some stories from you guys!
Edited by: Robert Flynn at: 3/31/03 12:24:44 pm
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