Snappy Answer #1
A stewardess was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened
his coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to
see your ticket, not your stub."
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at the supermarket, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the shelf stacker,
Do these chickens get any bigger?" He replied, "No, they're dead."
Snappy Answer #3
The policeman got out of his car and the lad who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the
policeman said.
The lad replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the
policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the lad on his way without a
ticket.
Snappy Answer #4
A lorry driver was driving along. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge
ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman gets out of his car and walks around to the lorry driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck?"
The lorry driver says, "No mate, I was delivering this bridge and ran out
of petrol."
and finally #5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A university lecturer reminds her students of tomorrow's final exam. "Now, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-arse bloke in the back of the room raised his hand and asks,
"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter. When silence is
restored, the lecturer smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her
head, and sweetly says, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam
with your other hand."
A stewardess was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened
his coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to
see your ticket, not your stub."
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at the supermarket, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the shelf stacker,
Do these chickens get any bigger?" He replied, "No, they're dead."
Snappy Answer #3
The policeman got out of his car and the lad who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the
policeman said.
The lad replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the
policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the lad on his way without a
ticket.
Snappy Answer #4
A lorry driver was driving along. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge
ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman gets out of his car and walks around to the lorry driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck?"
The lorry driver says, "No mate, I was delivering this bridge and ran out
of petrol."
and finally #5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A university lecturer reminds her students of tomorrow's final exam. "Now, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-arse bloke in the back of the room raised his hand and asks,
"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter. When silence is
restored, the lecturer smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her
head, and sweetly says, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam
with your other hand."
