Hey, guys... :/ (a personal message from Arkatox)

[Arkatox]

This is a post I made in my writing group on the 14th, and a comment I made the same day (and to clear it up, this had nothing to do with the fact that it was Valentine's Day):

Hey guys, I need prayer. Recently my depression has pummeled me with full force, and it's just not fun. (Ya think?) I don't know what it is that causes it, but I'm always abnormally tired, unable and unwilling to focus on anything, extremely depressed, and overall just feeling terrible. I'm on a medication that helps for a very short time, and then seems to make it worse when it wears off. I feel like I really can't do anything at all, be it school or writing or whatever the heck else. Still don't know the cause, but I need a lot of prayer. :/

My ability to focus or work efficiently is hindered, but lusts and rage are not. A couple nights ago I finally flipped out at God. I know I've probably flipped out like this at him before, but it's not in my memory. Most people who get angry at God annoy me because I've always seen (obvious, at least to me) reason in what God did to them. But the reason I've always been mad at God -- though I'd never blown up this way -- is because of something I've NEVER been able to understand.

Guys, I really do need lots of prayer. I've been meaning to ask you guys to pray for me for quite a while now, but I've never gathered the courage. You might be having a depression of your own and thinking, "He doesn't truly know what depression is like," (I've done so myself to other people before, shamefully) but that doesn't change anything. Something is hindering my ability to do the simplest things, and it's greatly hurting my relationship with God.

In case it crossed your mind, yes: this is the reason why I haven't finished the transcript of my interview with Matt Smith. In truth, I'm not even halfway done (without taking into account the fact that I'm going to need to do some major editing). It's been two weeks and two days since the interview. I've been wanting to email Emil with an explanation, but I haven't been able to gather up the courage. I haven't worked on the transcript because, no matter how much I want to get it done, it needs to get done before it's actually done, and my motivation to do everything is gone. I could just release the audio file and finish the transcript later, but I don't know if I can get myself to do even that. SeaStorm, could you email Emil a link to this thread?

I don't know you guys a lot, not enough that I would truly call you friends, but you're fellow followers of Christ, and at least some of you have been through (or perhaps are going through now) something similar to what I'm going through. I don't even know what's wrong with me, but whatever the heck it is, God can provide a solution. I just don't know... when... or how...

Please pray for me.

 

[SeaStorm]

Fortunately, I've never personally had to grapple with depression of my own. But I once had a serious relationship with a girl who suffered from it, so I do know first-hand what a wicked and cruel fate it is, with no rhyme or reason.

I am sorry you have to deal with it and have no useful suggestions that could help, other than to offer my prayers for you. I will be doing so.

Without changing your subject line, I added to it so that readers have a better sense of what the thread is about.

SeaStorm, could you email Emil a link to this thread?

Done.

 

[Rawshik]

First and foremost I'd like to say that I'm praying for you. I was in a depression a couple years back and it got so bad that I got into the whole cutting thing. I now have about 20 or so scars on my wrist (I never really counted) and have to live with making sure that nobody sees them. I definitely think the only way that I got out of it was through prayer, but after that, the devil took an immediate attack on me and I was away from God for about a year because of it. I kind of took the secular way out of the depression, met some new friends that I thought were cool (and didn't really know God) and I started becoming more "worldly" like them. Bad decision. So yeah, I don't know why I told that, but just don't let the devil get a hold of you like he did me, God IS the healer and you can get out of this with His power without doing things of the world.

One of the main things that God brings us is joy, and that's something we are to hold in our hearts forever. Our Daddy loves us and has already brought us out of any situational thing on this earth that we could possibly go through. So you don't have to worry about it, He has already restored you because He loves you. God can bring you His joy, which is greater than any worldly thing could acquire. And don't forget that the joy of the Lord is your strength. You can have His joy be the strength you need to do all of that which you have not been able to do. God bless.

 

[Verbum Lux]

I've been depressed from time to time over the years. In my case, it's always had a clear cause, so it's not the same as what your going through, but I've dealt enough with the effects to empathize. I'll definitely remember you in my prayers.

Rawshik makes good sense. Since I converted, I've been a lot more emotionally healthy, and when I do get depressed, I've noticed that it tends to be when I've drifted away from God for one reason or another - something I've struggled with quite a bit. Thankfully, He's seen me through all of it.

 

[knight777]

Definitely praying for you. I also want to encourage you to get professional help as soon as possible. I say this as someone who battled depression for years. It took prayer + pro help to get passed it. Its hard, difficult, and totally worth the struggle.

 

[PraetentusAnemos]

Oh, shoot. Depression really, really sucks. I definitely agree with knight777. It's possible to get pulled through it through prayer alone, but professional help can certainly help too.

I'll be praying for you.