Demonspells Songs To Watch presents
The Unwritten Rules Of Progressive Rock & Metal
1. Listen to prog (Obviously enough.)
2. All who do not understand prog are musically inferior.
3. Be simultaneously pensive and experimental if at all possible.
4. Listen to your favorite prog albums in silent awe.
5. Don't move at concerts. Just sit back and absorb the music...
6. Repeat all of the above while denouncing any prog-basher.
7. Never ever under any circumstances listen to Spock's Beard or Platypus.
8. When someone asks you if you enjoy Genesis, always point out "the prog Genesis". Phil Collins is a soft-rock sellout. Same goes for Yes.
9. Don't be James Labrie. Complain about this entry.
10. Never ever under any circumstances say "Hear In The New Frontier ruled."
11. Don't be Kelly Gray.
12. Proggies don't take out the garbage. They dispose of the refuse of icons past.
13. Don't pronounce words as silly as Charlie Domenici did on When Dream and Day Unite.
14. Make sure your album goes out of print quickly so prog fans will value it as a forgotten masterpiece.
15. When in doubt, say "epic progressive symphonic metal."
16. If that doesn't work, a synth solo or long instrumental excursion can fill any silence.
17. Turn any triangle you see into a Pink Floyd logo, or any M into a majesty symbol.
18. Nipple twisting is not a progressive activity.
19. Write an internet-only prog zine. Feature interviews and reviews that no non-proggie would know.
20. Always be open minded...as long as it's prog.
21. The best songs are those that are over 15 minutes, have multiple named sections, and have solos by everyone in the band except the drummer.
22. Don't be John Arch. Insist that any pre-Alder Fates is 100% not prog.
23. Don't make jokes, unless they are in jokes among proggies.
24. When in doubt, stare with a blank reflection.
25. To producers of progressive metal albums: Bad production is absolutely unacceptable. You must be able to hear every nuance and instrument.
26. Make sure that more than half of the members in your band are involved in outside projects a la Dream Theater.
27. When in concert, always include improvised jam sessions and/or never play the exact same setlist. This will ensure your fans something new to look forward to at every gig.
28. Or you could never play live (see Shadow Gallery) or only at multi-artist festivals.
29. When getting ready to a show, always forget that nobody at prog concerts pays attention to the audience, including the band.
30. When asked by a non-proggie what prog really is, say something like, prog is the evolution of musical expression and experimentalism in rock, in any case, make sure that the person is left to come up with his own definition of prog.
31. Fire one of your band members, and claim he left because he was going in a pop direction.
32. Reform with old members and release an album intended to make up for years of bad reception from fans (see Yes) or claim your next album will be a return to past glory (see Queensryche).
33. If it flops, be sure to blame a producer or record company.
34. Record everything in different studios with multiple producers, exotic instrumentation, expensive equipment, etc.
35. Make sure your album cover contains either a computer-drawn image, a lavish painting, or is illustrated by Roger Dean or Hugh Syme.
36. Publicly state that your band is non-religious, then make many religious and/or spiritual allusions in the lyrics.
37. Insist that music should always progress, although as long as you write an album in the prog vein, you dont necessarily have to.
38. Never write a song under four minutes unless it is an instrumental or is part of a larger concept.
39. All lyrics must have some mythological references and/or include words rarely used in casual conversation. This is not optional.
40. When referring to sex with a proggie use dense metaphorical language. Actually, this applies to just about every activity.
41. Thoroughly enjoy fantasy and science fiction, if only for their influence on prog.
42. Use prog quotes (especially from Neil Peart) at any given time.
43. If you suddenly find yourself being transformed into John Myung, never say a word to anyone and show absolutely no emotion.
44. Own hundreds of prog albums, bootlegs, rarities, etc. and listen to all of them regularly.
45. Refrain from using headbanging smileys. (Ok, BB-specific one.)
46. Playing in 4/4 and writing about sex, drugs, and parties is not prog, unless it is meant to create irony or have some deeper hidden meaning.
47. Dont take pride in your home town, state, or country. Prog is a universal language.
48. Dont be David Gilmour. There is no Floyd without Roger.
49. Insist that following prog does not make one a nerd.
50. Try to draw connections between obscure references in albums.
51. Dont make non-prog references when describing prog albums.
52. If possible, design the title of your album that it refers to some imaginary place that nonetheless serves as a metaphor for this world (Metropolis pt. II, The Towers Of Avarice, The Global Village, Remedy Lane, etc.) But also be aware that one-word titles can be equally effective (Awake, Signals, etc.)
53. Never collaborate with anyone signed to Magna Carta.
54. If its rare, it must be good. Order it immediately.
55. If youre not a proggie, stop reading this. You wont understand.
56. Own every (insert 70s cult prog act here) release. Every proggie has at least one lesser known band he is absolutely obsessed with.
57. Own rare bootlegs that youre sure nobody else has heard.
58. Attempt to throw in instrumental sections that non-proggies will consider random, but will be appreciated and studied by prog fans.
59. In order to make your recording more progressive, be sure to include a lyricist that will have a prodigious grasp of the English language and incredible poetic ability.
60. You mean you have been reading this when you could have been practicing along to 2112 or composing a sidelong epic? Shame!
Yet another ripoff of the 101 rules of black metal. How entirely not prog.
An Alliance Production. All rights reserved.
The Unwritten Rules Of Progressive Rock & Metal
1. Listen to prog (Obviously enough.)
2. All who do not understand prog are musically inferior.
3. Be simultaneously pensive and experimental if at all possible.
4. Listen to your favorite prog albums in silent awe.
5. Don't move at concerts. Just sit back and absorb the music...
6. Repeat all of the above while denouncing any prog-basher.
7. Never ever under any circumstances listen to Spock's Beard or Platypus.
8. When someone asks you if you enjoy Genesis, always point out "the prog Genesis". Phil Collins is a soft-rock sellout. Same goes for Yes.
9. Don't be James Labrie. Complain about this entry.
10. Never ever under any circumstances say "Hear In The New Frontier ruled."
11. Don't be Kelly Gray.
12. Proggies don't take out the garbage. They dispose of the refuse of icons past.
13. Don't pronounce words as silly as Charlie Domenici did on When Dream and Day Unite.
14. Make sure your album goes out of print quickly so prog fans will value it as a forgotten masterpiece.
15. When in doubt, say "epic progressive symphonic metal."
16. If that doesn't work, a synth solo or long instrumental excursion can fill any silence.
17. Turn any triangle you see into a Pink Floyd logo, or any M into a majesty symbol.
18. Nipple twisting is not a progressive activity.
19. Write an internet-only prog zine. Feature interviews and reviews that no non-proggie would know.
20. Always be open minded...as long as it's prog.
21. The best songs are those that are over 15 minutes, have multiple named sections, and have solos by everyone in the band except the drummer.
22. Don't be John Arch. Insist that any pre-Alder Fates is 100% not prog.
23. Don't make jokes, unless they are in jokes among proggies.
24. When in doubt, stare with a blank reflection.
25. To producers of progressive metal albums: Bad production is absolutely unacceptable. You must be able to hear every nuance and instrument.
26. Make sure that more than half of the members in your band are involved in outside projects a la Dream Theater.
27. When in concert, always include improvised jam sessions and/or never play the exact same setlist. This will ensure your fans something new to look forward to at every gig.
28. Or you could never play live (see Shadow Gallery) or only at multi-artist festivals.
29. When getting ready to a show, always forget that nobody at prog concerts pays attention to the audience, including the band.
30. When asked by a non-proggie what prog really is, say something like, prog is the evolution of musical expression and experimentalism in rock, in any case, make sure that the person is left to come up with his own definition of prog.
31. Fire one of your band members, and claim he left because he was going in a pop direction.
32. Reform with old members and release an album intended to make up for years of bad reception from fans (see Yes) or claim your next album will be a return to past glory (see Queensryche).
33. If it flops, be sure to blame a producer or record company.
34. Record everything in different studios with multiple producers, exotic instrumentation, expensive equipment, etc.
35. Make sure your album cover contains either a computer-drawn image, a lavish painting, or is illustrated by Roger Dean or Hugh Syme.
36. Publicly state that your band is non-religious, then make many religious and/or spiritual allusions in the lyrics.
37. Insist that music should always progress, although as long as you write an album in the prog vein, you dont necessarily have to.
38. Never write a song under four minutes unless it is an instrumental or is part of a larger concept.
39. All lyrics must have some mythological references and/or include words rarely used in casual conversation. This is not optional.
40. When referring to sex with a proggie use dense metaphorical language. Actually, this applies to just about every activity.
41. Thoroughly enjoy fantasy and science fiction, if only for their influence on prog.
42. Use prog quotes (especially from Neil Peart) at any given time.
43. If you suddenly find yourself being transformed into John Myung, never say a word to anyone and show absolutely no emotion.
44. Own hundreds of prog albums, bootlegs, rarities, etc. and listen to all of them regularly.
45. Refrain from using headbanging smileys. (Ok, BB-specific one.)
46. Playing in 4/4 and writing about sex, drugs, and parties is not prog, unless it is meant to create irony or have some deeper hidden meaning.
47. Dont take pride in your home town, state, or country. Prog is a universal language.
48. Dont be David Gilmour. There is no Floyd without Roger.
49. Insist that following prog does not make one a nerd.
50. Try to draw connections between obscure references in albums.
51. Dont make non-prog references when describing prog albums.
52. If possible, design the title of your album that it refers to some imaginary place that nonetheless serves as a metaphor for this world (Metropolis pt. II, The Towers Of Avarice, The Global Village, Remedy Lane, etc.) But also be aware that one-word titles can be equally effective (Awake, Signals, etc.)
53. Never collaborate with anyone signed to Magna Carta.
54. If its rare, it must be good. Order it immediately.
55. If youre not a proggie, stop reading this. You wont understand.
56. Own every (insert 70s cult prog act here) release. Every proggie has at least one lesser known band he is absolutely obsessed with.
57. Own rare bootlegs that youre sure nobody else has heard.
58. Attempt to throw in instrumental sections that non-proggies will consider random, but will be appreciated and studied by prog fans.
59. In order to make your recording more progressive, be sure to include a lyricist that will have a prodigious grasp of the English language and incredible poetic ability.
60. You mean you have been reading this when you could have been practicing along to 2112 or composing a sidelong epic? Shame!
Yet another ripoff of the 101 rules of black metal. How entirely not prog.
An Alliance Production. All rights reserved.
